Out of Fire and Ash the Phoenix Rises
by whereSilencebegins
Summary: Caught in a web of despair after being raped, Ed can't find his way back through the darkness. Only Roy is the fire that can burn away the shadows but Ed still needs to get past his fear or the flames will consume him rather than save him. RoyxEd
1. Everything ash

**A/N: Ok, so this is not typically my style of fic but I wanted to try out a romance that is based on healing. Each chapter is going to be short, about 2,000 to 5,00 words each just because I think I have plenty of other big fics going at the moment. I wrote another story in the same format and I really liked the way it turned out so I'm doing it again with this RoyxEd. **

**Gift fic for malfoysdaughter because I love her and wanted to give her something. Darling, I hope you enjoy this! I know its a little late for Christmas but I DID say that I would write you something, didn't I? **

**Warnings: There will be sex of the boyxboy persuasion. Mentions of rape and dealing with the aftermath that comes with that kind of trauma. Warnings will come with the chapter but if its not your kind of thing, please make friends with the back button!

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Out of Flame and Ash the Phoenix Rises

_Pain swirled all around him, a fog of grey darkness spattered with deep, red blood, staining his consciousness as much as it did his body, the taint spreading under his skin like an infectious, fast-spreading disease. They had used him again and again, laughing as they split apart his body, already fragile and broken from all the times that he had been used before. It shouldn't hurt so much by now, he figured sluggishly to himself as he wavered in and out of consciousness, he should be used to it. But every time he was sure he was going to die. Sometimes, his own screams were mingled with his brother's, who they often forced to watch and other times he was alone. _

As long as they don't hurt Al,_ he could remember thinking, over, and over, for once glad the boy was nothing but a soul and a towering hunk of metal. Through the ever present haze, he couldn't even remember how or why he had been captured, just cruel hands, hard words and pain. There was always pain. _

_Just then, as he was ready to accept the encompassing darkness of unconsciousness, there was a new sound, voices he had not heard before, footsteps and…_

Here, I'm here._ But he couldn't find his voice. It had been shattered along with the rest of him. There was a voice, so familiar, so warm and he wanted to throw himself at the person. They were calling his name…_save me…

When they found the young blond alchemist, nothing could ever have prepared him for the sight that greeted him upon entering the dark, wide room.

The Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother had been missing for nearly three weeks when the report came in about several supposedly abandoned warehouses deep within the heart of the city that were at the heart of suspicious activity. At first, he hadn't been worried. The boys had gone on another one of their missions, always hunting for a way to restore them to their original bodies. Usually, he would have heard something by the end of the week, either from Ed himself, voice snappish and short or from Al, all apologies that his brother was shirking his responsibility. It was one of the stipulations he had set with the younger men a while back, seeing it as a way of keeping them safe while under his care as they were still so young. He knew the older boy chafed at such shackles but with the amount of trouble they got themselves into, he kept it as a standing command. As much as Ed claimed he hated the dark haired Colonel, he wouldn't directly disobey a direct order. The kid was too smart for that.

And yet, it had been two weeks and there had been nothing. What was worse, the mission they had taken was to be conducted within Central City limits, which meant they should only have been gone a single full day, at the most. By the end of the first week, he had been worried. By the second, he and his entire office were beside themselves with worry for the two young men had become well loved and they were doing everything short of running out and kicking every single door down to find the blonde alchemist and his walking, talking suit of armor for a brother.

Once the third week had rolled around, an official search had been sent out, complete with extensive informant network use throughout the entire city and the encompassing country side.

Roy realized that it may have been a little extreme; that maybe the boys had gone out to visit their old home and had forgotten to tell someone. But there was this nagging in his gut that told him something had happened and if they didn't find Ed and Al soon, there was a chance they would never see them again.

As he stared down at the still form of the blonde alchemist, he _desperately_ wished they had started looking as soon he had noticed their prolonged absence.

Bile climbed angrily up the back of his throat as he screamed over his shoulder for someone to call an ambulance before crouching before the boy, anger and terror warring for a place in the smoldering pit his stomach had become. Slim, pale wrists and ankles had been shackled and chained to bolts in the floors, the metal old and digging fiercely, chafing lines into the skin they encircled, making the boy look small and vulnerable. The blond hair had been shorn, ending in rough, jagged strands at the younger man's jaw line, falling over his face in dirty, stringy lines. Blood spattered his skin, turned sallow with malnourishment and a long time spent in the dark. There were long cuts on his chest, barely covered with a tattered shirt that looked like fingernail or whip marks, some deep and beginning to fester. But all of that paled in comparison when his inspection moved lower, though he had already been aware that the kid was only in his underwear. One of the legs had ridden up, baring a slim, pale thigh, coated with more blood and something else, something white and sticky. Slowly, nausea battering him, threatening to spill over, he pressed his hand gently to a patch of uninjured skin of the blonde's shoulder, wanting nothing more than to draw the kid into his arms and cradle him, protect him, make him feel everything was going to be okay. How could this have happened?

"Fullmetal," he coaxed softly, careful not to shake the boy and keeping his touches light, almost afraid the slim frame would crumble away to dust if handled too roughly, "Fullmetal, wake up," Roy had thought, upon first seeing the boy, that the kid was dead for he had been laying so still but closer inspection revealed a slow, steady pulse and an uneasy flutter of breath that stirred the slender chest. Pain etched itself into the sharp features, shadowed and deep, making Roy wonder just how long Ed had been here. Too long. Before he could get the kid to stir, Lt. Hawkeye slipped into the room, gun out and at the ready, her eyes dark and hard as she stepped up to him.

"The place is clear. No trace of the people who did this. We found Al. He was locked away in an old storage room. There's not much left of him," he nodded as she spoke but couldn't tear his gaze away from the blonde alchemist's pale face, heart aching. Why, _why_ hadn't he started to look for them earlier? A warm hand descended upon his shoulder as Riza crouched next to him, her presence familiar and solid, "Colonel. They called for an ambulance. He's going to be alright," for a second, the prickling at the back of his eyes almost won but he shoved it back. Despite the young man's temper and his sharp tongue, he had been _innocent_, pure in a way only Ed could be, all his spirit and life force untainted by the world, even after all the shit that he had been through. Yet now…

"How can you know?" he breathed, voice ragged and noticed how the slender eyebrows drew down in a momentary frown of distress. The blonde woman next to him was quiet for a long moment, watching his big, pale hand stroking bruised skin before she sighed and leaned down to rub gently at one of the shackles, easing her finger under the metal.

"Because he is who he is. Let's just get him out of here," the shackles proved difficult but the Lt. was an excellent lock pick (something that amused him to no end) and soon the chains lay in a piled heap on the floor. He eyed the way the rubbed skin looked red and raw. Yet when he reached out to touch one, the boy instinctively flinched away, another frown marring his face.

"He's waking up," he breathed and winced when the blonde moaned softly, shifting away from him.

"…no…don't…" the Colonel suppressed his sudden elation at getting some kind of reaction, reaching out and stroking a slim wrist. There was a distant shout that the ambulance was around the block and he shared a look with Riza. All he wanted to do was to get the hell out of there and get Edward to safety.

"We should move him," yet when he went to put his arms around the slim frame, intent in carrying him out into the sunlight and away from this awful place, he was dismayed at the violent reaction the touches caused. The younger alchemist started flailing, crying out in a breathy voice, face scrunched and closed off in terror. Blinking and biting back the horrible sinking feeling in his chest, he backed off when his Lt. put her hand on his arm and leaned forward, speaking in a soft, steady voice that seemed to instantly sooth the boy's fear. Dark eyes watched on, feeling helpless and a little disappointed that Riza had succeeded where he had not as a hand that was not his own pushed back cropped, dirty blond hair. When their eyes met, the young man moving in blind, shuffling movements towards the blonde Lt. dull fury choked his airways.

"It was men who did this to him," the woman said in a soft, sad voice and all he could do was look, unable to do anything as she carefully lifted the battered teen from the ground, pulling him into her arms. Yet when she stood, she offered him a smile, catching how he had not once stopped looking at the younger alchemist's face, "He knows he can trust you, Colonel. It's just an instinctive reaction," he couldn't help but wonder if maybe that really wasn't the case after all.

That didn't matter now, though. They had found Edward, and Alphonse, and they were both alive. He gritted his teeth as fell into step behind Riza, watching the boy's head as it pressed to her shoulder. The people who did this would pay; painfully and quite possibly doused in very final flames. A beast had risen within his chest, protective and fierce, the force of it like nothing he had ever felt before. He had promised to protect these two brilliant young men and had failed miserably. Guilt ate at him as their footsteps rang through the dark corridors, sometimes joined by more at times as his other officers scoured the place, looking for evidence. Right then, in the flickering, moldy shadows of the dank warehouse, he made a silent promise to the young man he longed to reach out and touch being cradled in his Lt's arms; he would tear the entire city apart looking for the people who did this.

Just as they stepped into the sunlight, gravel crunching under their feet and cars with flashing blue lights surrounding the building and Al in pieces and crying in his soft tenor at the sight of his brother, the blonde head lifted from the Lt's slender shoulder, gold eyes flickering open. Roy caught his breath as they looked straight at him.

"R-Roy," a slim, bruised hand lifted towards him and he stared at it, the motion almost slowed down, frozen in time. It was a gesture that filled him with a burning fire, fizzing through his veins, making everything seem so much brighter. Yet before he could take it, his heart slamming anxiously in his chest, the blonde alchemist had passed out again. Riza glanced over her shoulder to look at him, surprise in her dark hazel eyes but whatever she found on his face, she said nothing. Al continued to call Ed's name from the box his broken pieces were being held in and the Colonel's heart ached…

Until the ambulance doors swung closed, hiding away a young, battered Fullmetal alchemist, he couldn't take his eyes away from the pale, blank face.

In the dulled golden gaze, he had seen the barest flash of hope.

_**To be continued...**_

**Poor Ed! I know, pretty terrible but it will get better, I promise!! Please, I would love to know what you all think!  
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	2. The Start

**A/N: well, I must say, I got quite the response to this story! Thank you all so much!!! Everyone was all like, "poor Ed!" I know, I feel really bad doing that to him but never fear!!! I hate stories that end sad so I don't write those kind. Anyway, thanks everyone for their wonderful support! For malfoysdaughter, here's the next chapter, babe! Love ya!**

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_It was still so hard to look in the mirror, even after two full weeks he had spent recovering from his injuries. The first several days had been spent in the hospital so he could be treated for the cuts all over his body and his malnutrition. They had tried to heal the rest of him as well but it would never erase the feeling of being so dirty that he felt as if he had been lowered to a level just under that of the city sewers. They could heal his body, wrap him up in soft bandages and sooth his festering skin with cooling ointments and even force him to eat three full meals a day with nutritional supplements. But no one could ever erase the feeling that he had been rendered less than human, sullied in the very core of his being. Others couldn't see it as it was like a thick film of oil under his skin. No matter how he scrubbed, it wouldn't wash away. _

_Al knew. Al had seen it being done but even his touch Ed could not bear. In his mind's eye he kept seeing his little brother being forced to watch, watch as faceless men tried to break him. He had a feeling they succeeded. _

_Life would have to move on eventually; he couldn't sit in their tiny little apartment with his knees pressed to his chest as he looked out from the relative safety of the window at the world outside for the rest of his life. Yet that world had touched him in such a way he could never again escape from and he felt safer with a barrier between himself and the vast evil that lurked in the shadows. _

"_Nii-san," he didn't look up when Al called him and didn't acknowledge his presence in the room. By the smell filling the small living space, his brother had dinner ready but he wouldn't eat it. Not tonight. They could force him to eat while he was in the hospital but here he could starve if he felt like it, "Dinner's ready, Nii-san," and for a moment he felt a pang of guilt. It wasn't his little brother's fault and he could hardly blame him. No doubt the boy had been just as traumatized to see his older brother violated and not being able to do anything as Ed was. But he just hunched his shoulders and sighed against his knees. Dirty, disgusting and he didn't deserve any kindness that was offered to him. His reflection stared back at him with tired golden eyes, cropped hair falling into his face. _

"_I'm not hungry, Al," and the thought that had been plaguing him since he had first woken up in the hospital pulled at the back of his mind, making his heart ache. Who would touch him now? How could he walk into headquarters and look anyone in the eye? Worst of all would be the pity. Pity would swallow him whole. _

_If Al left the room, he never noticed. _

Teeth marks riddled the pen he had been writing with, plastic cracking all along the round, slender body of the writing tool. It was a habit he thought he had kicked when he was still a teenager but it seemed his distress was great enough that he had unconsciously fallen back into it. He was supposed to be filling out the rest of his paperwork before the day ended but he had been so distracted lately, it was difficult to focus. As a matter of fact, it had been hard to concentrate on anything for nearly three weeks now. After all, it was hard to forget the missing presence of one of his subordinates, especially that one in particular. There was another whole week before Ed was required to report back to headquarters as he had given the boy an entire month, if not to get over what had been done to him, at least to heal his more physical injuries. Yet the more he thought about it, the more frustrated he became.

It shouldn't have happened this way. It shouldn't have happened at _all_. He had thought that, between the boys' skill at protecting themselves and his strict guidelines, nothing truly bad could happen. Sure, they got themselves into a lot of trouble that he usually was left cleaning up after and they had seen and been through more shit in their scant handful of years than most people had in their entire lives but the scenario of them getting kidnapped for absolutely no reason he could discern and used so brutally had never once entered his mind. How foolish that had been on his part. Just because he could not imagine doing such things to a fellow human being, especially two as bright and as incredible as the Elric brothers did not mean there weren't people out there who _would_. And did.

Just the very thought had him gritting his teeth angrily and before he knew it, the weakened plastic had snapped in his grip and ink dripped onto the papers strewn on the desk, ruining the top most few. Cursing, he quickly dabbed at it with the edge of his sleeve, ruining yet another jacket but it was either that or he would have to get another copy and have to explain himself to his Lt. Again. Even so, he finally gave it up as hopeless and yanked a few napkins from one of his top drawers of his desk to wipe of his fingers, glowering the entire time. Damn cheap pens. The ink was going to linger around his fingernails for the rest of the day and he had ruined his jacket for nothing because it would seem he still needed to get new copies of the papers that had been liberally spattered. He was still cursing and wiping his fingers off when there was a polite knock on his door.

"Come in," he called, blinking in confusion because he wasn't expecting anyone this late in the day and feeling a little flatfooted at being caught off guard in such a disheveled state. Then his heart rate sky rocketed when Alphonse opened the door, looking as unsure and careful as a suit of armor could.

"Hey, Colonel. Do you have a minute?" his light tenor was subdued and the older man felt a flash of concern. He stood, trying to seem confident but the only reason Al could be here was for his brother. The thought that something was wrong with the young alchemist had a strange bolt of fear rocketing through his chest. It was strange because while he was worried about his young subordinate, he couldn't think what would bring on such a strong emotion such as fear. Yet he was, irrationally so.

"Of course, Alphonse, I always have time for you. How are you doing? Is everything okay?" the boy had told him, when he had visited Ed while the blond was still in the hospital, an abbreviated version of what had happened to them while trapped in that warehouse and he was under no illusions that either of the boys would be getting past that for a very long time, if ever. But with Al, there was no way to see shadows haunting his gaze because he didn't have eyes with which to hide behind. Instead he had cold metal and a pure heart.

"Okay, I guess. Thank you," always so polite, the complete opposite of his brother and a second later Roy had to force down a flinch at the thought. The armor in front of him seemed to have the same idea because he lifted one hand as if he would rub the back of his neck, looking surprisingly unassuming, "Sir, I was wondering…" and he faded off, his confidence wavering. The older man had to smile slightly at the endearing gesture and waved towards one of the couches that occupied the space on the other side of his desk.

"Why don't you take a seat," and Al nodded but didn't take it. Instead he stood in the middle of the room exuding awkwardness and looking lost. It was like he had a favor to ask but couldn't seem to put what he wanted into words. The Colonel didn't like how bothered he was by the thought; typically it was the older brother that went around asking for favors while Al just soothed the frazzled moods Ed left behind once he was done.

"Um, there is something that I wanted to ask of you, and you can say no if you don't want to because it's a really big favor but I wouldn't ask if it wasn't for Ed," the glowing pits that substituted for the younger man's eyes shifted away and then he heaved a sigh, the metal shoulders dipping dramatically, "Ed's in trouble and I don't know how to help him," the boy finally blurted and again that niggling feeling of dread tugged at the older man's gut, the image of the blond alchemist lying broken on a warehouse floor coming back to him so that he had to grit his teeth against the anger. They had been looking for the men who had kidnapped the two boys so diligently, it had become their only case. Riza had warned him about obsession but he'd promised himself never to give up until the scum who had left such a brilliant person so shattered were caught and made to pay for what they had done. Unfortunately, there had been no clues left behind, as if they had never been and the investigation was starting to go cold. He couldn't look into those wide golden eyes with such a failure weighing him down but if there was anything he could do to help the boy, he would do it.

"What's wrong?" he asked though he knew that there were probably a dozen answers to that question. He wasn't sure what he could do for Ed that his brother couldn't but he hated the helpless feeling he had been living with for three weeks. If they couldn't catch the bastards who had started this whole thing then surely there was something else that he could do to help.

"He's not acting like himself. I mean, I know that after…that…I know that he wouldn't be the same, especially not at first but it's like he's not even there. He doesn't eat anymore, he barely talks and he hasn't used alchemy at all. I can barely be in the same room with him because half the time he doesn't even know I'm there. I've tried talking to doctors and psychologists but they can't do anything if he isn't willing to cooperate," Roy could hear the note of desperation in the boy's voice and nearly choked on a swell of pity. Life was so cruel sometimes with the hands that it dealt people. Al and Ed were each other's life. He was well aware of their history and they had very few people they could rely on and allow themselves to love; they needed each other to survive. It was something he understood from the very beginning. And now this. Life was just not fair, "I wouldn't have gone behind his back and would have let him deal with it on his own except he's not taking care of himself! The last time this happened, I wasn't of much help either," He thought back to the time he had first met the boys, Ed missing two limbs and sitting in a bed with a dull apathy wearing behind his gaze. It seemed such a long time ago now.

"What was it that changed the first time?" he asked aloud, curious despite himself but Al just looked at him instead of answering. That in itself was strange. Finally he sighed and rubbed his hands through his hair, something he didn't do unless he was under a good deal of stress, "Alright, Alphonse, but why do you think I'll be able to help if no one else can?" at first he was sure he could see a faint deepening of color along the helmet of Al's armor as the boy looked away in discomfort but a moment later he realized that was impossible. Even so, the younger man's anxiety nearly screamed at him.

"Um, well, just…just promise me you won't say anything to Ed. He'll kill me if he knew I told you," well, that was an intriguing reaction and he couldn't help the way one dark eyebrow arched towards his hairline, the image of Al practically squirming nearly making him laugh aloud.

"I won't say anything," his voice sounded so deep compared to the boy's light tenor but he was glad it retained more than enough seriousness to convince him. He couldn't imagine what it must have been that Al would be acting like this but the response he got was probably the last on a list of possibilities that would never have occurred to him. The strange, hollow gaze met his own dark eyes and he could see the boy's resignation before he was nearly knocked off his feet.

"Ed's…been in love with you for nearly two years," and in the long minutes it took for him to find where his breath had gone, he wondered at the odd flutter his heart did when he thought of the boy called the Fullmetal Alchemist loving him.

**

It was actually more difficult getting Ed to his house than he had anticipated. From the way Al had described him, he was expecting a desolate shell that Roy would have to extract the blond alchemist from but when the boy heard the arrangements that had been made without his prior knowledge, he went berserk. The Colonel was glad to note that the issue of getting the kid to do alchemy wasn't going to be a problem, as his nearly cracked skull could attest to. Yet it seemed the fight took too much out of him for he finally gave up and slumped against a broken wall, uttering a soft, "I don't care," It was so unlike Ed that Roy had to keep himself from going up to the boy and shaking him until the fiery life he was used to seeing in his wide, golden eyes returned, if just for a moment.

Unfortunately that course of action was a huge no.

Al had to actually give him a list of things he couldn't do or Ed would dissolve into some kind of mental breakdown and while he realized that at some point the boy would have to overcome his fears, Roy didn't want to see what would happen if he should push too much. Al didn't tell the older man exactly what the breakdown could mean or what would happen should it occur but he couldn't touch the blond at all, nor come within five feet of him without sparking some kind of fear reaction. When entering a room that the young alchemist occupied, he had to make sure Ed heard him or he would freak out if he realized he wasn't alone but hadn't heard anyone approach. Actually, the younger brother had mentioned in his subdued tones, that surprises of any kind were probably not the best way to go. Last, but most importantly, never wake Ed from a nightmare. Al had looked at him and said, "The first and only time I did that, he nearly killed me and I don't even have a body to kill," Needless to say, it had been profound enough to impress upon him the importance of keeping to such things in mind while having Ed staying with him.

Amazingly enough, after the blonde's initial reaction, getting him to Roy's house wasn't that difficult. Al talked the entire car ride, his cheerful voice easing the somewhat tense atmosphere but Ed's fascinating eyes never once left the scenery flashing by. Still, the older man couldn't help but watch him through the rear-view mirror. He didn't look any different (though he wasn't sure why he thought he would), besides the fact that he was too skinny and his hair, much cleaner now than when he had seen it last, brushed against his jaw. The look was actually rather flattering on the boy but one time he caught how a slender hand reached up and tugged at the shorn ends and he realized the younger alchemist missed his braid. The realization gave the Colonel a sharp pang that wrenched painfully in his gut and he kept his eyes on the road until he pulled into his own driveway. He knew that Ed would hate him for pitying him so he was careful to keep it bottled away. The younger alchemist was staying with him so he could see if he could help the kid, not piss him off.

Problem was that even if Ed was in love with him like Al said he was, the Colonel didn't know what he could do to draw the kid from the shadows of his own mind.

"Thank you again, Colonel, for doing this. If anyone can help him, it's you," He wondered at that but could find no verification in the gold eyes as Ed had just stepped out of the car and walk into the house, not looking at anyone or even seeming to register where he was. It surprised him as he would have thought the kid would be leery upon entering a strange house but he reasoned it wasn't like he didn't know to whom it belonged.

"I hope so," he said and didn't voice his doubts. There was a gnawing, ever present fear that gripped him, having begun the moment he had agreed to letting Ed stay with him, that he would not be able to help the boy after all. Then he looked at Al who was standing in the driveway, armor glinting in the gold light of the falling sun, once again looking lost, "Are you sure you don't want to stay? I have plenty of guest rooms," but the boy shook his head and looked mournfully at the door behind which his older brother had already disappeared.

"No but thank you. I have already made arrangements with Winry; she's already on her way to stay with me. I think my presence does him more harm right now than good," and Roy remembered how their kidnappers had made the younger brother watch. Swallowing bile, he followed the boy's gaze and felt another flutter of fear which was quickly followed by determination. He had known Ed since he was eleven; if there was even the slightest chance that he could make even the smallest bit of difference and bring back the smoldering life to those beautiful golden eyes, he wouldn't give up and he wouldn't falter.

Even so, he knew it wouldn't be easy. Far from it.

That night, he made sure to knock on the door of the little nook off the kitchen where the blond had holed himself in and announce himself when he brought the boy dinner. The dim light from the lamp hanging over the window seat shone like a soft halo on the golden head. Yet before he could even place the tray on the table beside him, there was a soft sound, like a sigh and he found himself looking into shadowed yellow eyes. It surprised him to find that they weren't as lifeless as he had seen once before but there was a deep darkness that shadowed the glowing flames that had once been snapping in their depths.

"Where's Al?" there was no inflection in the husky tenor but he thought he could detect a flicker of worry. He had to refrain himself from reaching out and brushing back the boy's bangs which were a little longer than the rest of his hair and kept tangling with his long eyelashes.

"He went home but he said he'd come back and see you tomorrow. Do you mind that you'll be staying here with me?" He figured it could only help to get the boy to start inserting his opinions like he used to do without fear. The gold eyes blinked at him for a long moment, studying his face and then Ed looked back out the window, face like a still pool.

"No. I don't mind," Roy sighed and scrubbed his hands through his hair then glanced at the tray of food he had brought for the kid. It was easy to digest kinds of food, just a large bowl of chicken broth, some crackers and an apple. But he figured even if the kid only ate just a little, it would be better than nothing at all.

"I brought you some dinner. You should eat it," the slim shoulders shrugged under the thin t-shirt the boy was wearing, the automail looking almost too big on Ed's wasting frame.

"I'm not hungry," the response sounded almost automatic and he felt an irrational flash of anger, looking at the way the blonde's shoulder blades stuck out against the material of his shirt and the way his spine pressed so hard through his skin, Roy was sure he would be able to count each individual vertebra. He shoved the little table closer in a motion that was hard enough to make some of the broth slopped out of the bowl and Ed flinch away. He couldn't help the snarl his voice became as he glared at the sad figure.

"Fine. Do what you like, don't eat. It's not like you to just give up, though, Ed," and he stalked from the room without a backwards glance. Moments later he felt waves of guilt at having treated the boy like that. Perhaps this had not been the best idea after all. The anger he had felt wasn't for the boy himself but at the entire situation and hoe he was rendered so helpless. If there was one thing Roy hated, it was the crushing feeling of uselessness.

Yet when he went in the room much later, after Ed had wandered off to bed, he found that most of the soup was gone and a few bites of the apple were missing, the places where teeth had broken skin now brown. Roy smiled as he picked up the tray and realized that had been his first real smile in more than a month.

Maybe it wasn't so hopeless after all.

_**...To be continued**_


	3. Never rain, wash away

**A/N: Guh, I can't believe I stayed up this late just to post this next chapter...*passes out* Hope you all enjoy and thank you all for your lovely praise. I adore you all!! Especially you, malfoysdaughter, for whom this fic is being written. **

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_At first he had been furious at his brother for dumping him off at the Colonel's house like some stray cat that he couldn't figure out what to do with. It had felt like a betrayal and if he had felt so inclined, he would have told Al as much. But he hadn't been. The words had long since shriveled away and he could not reach them no matter how he tried. And if he could, what could he say? "How could you abandon me like that?" or maybe, "Am I just a pity case now?" The worst had occurred to him while they were in the car, going from their apartment to Roy's house, "Is it because you just can't look at me the same way anymore?" He knew, once he managed to see through the veil of his anger, none of that was true. Al was only worried and been so desperate that he had done the only thing he could think of and solicit the aide of someone he thought could help. _

_Then he would think about why his younger brother had chosen Roy and would get angry all over again. What had the man been told that made him agree in the first place? He could tell that just by looking in the Colonel's face the man genuinely wanted to help but he heated that the man had to see him like this. He hated that there was something he needed help working through to begin with. _

_Ed had tried to reason with himself, that if he could withstand being drawn through the Gate when he was only eleven and seeing the thing they had created that was supposed to be there mother gurgle his name in a twisted mass of flesh and blood, he thought he could get past this as well. Yet every time someone came near him, touched him, or even startled him, he would transport back to those two and a half weeks when he had been shackled to a cold floor where floating hands had torn at his skin and ripped away his innocence and his sanity. That he couldn't seem to get past the nightmares and push away the instinctive fear which seemed to have infused his body made him feel helpless and he _hated_ it. _

_But more than that, he hated how he had to share a space with the person who owned his heart and he was now worth nothing. He couldn't even think Roy would want anything to do with him, especially now. Why would he? Ed was dirty, ugly and the older man…well, he certainly wouldn't want the blond now, no matter what would have happened if things had gone differently. Yet as the days trudged by, he found that if the Colonel made a request of him, like asking him to eat a little more or to aid with the chores so that he wouldn't waste away in front of the window, he could not find it in himself to say no. _

_In his heart, where the darkest of his nightmares lived, only Roy could keep away the night. _

Rain beat steadily against the windows, obscuring the outside world so that it looked like he was looking at the night under water. The lights across the street picked up the individual little drops as they rolled down the cold panes, making the shining orbs seem so much farther away. Despite what everyone believed, Roy liked the rain. While it did make him rather useless when it came to his alchemy, it was cleansing, washing away the troubles that came along with everyday life, as if it was the heaven's way of giving every insignificant living thing a second chance to make themselves just a little bit less insignificant. It had a way of slowing everything down so that he felt he had a few moments to just sit back and _think_, letting his mind wander in a way he normally wouldn't. Sometimes, it was just so easy to get lulled in by the peace a rainy day could offer, not to mention that the falling drops from the sky were a direct counterpoint to his own power. Such days, he believed, were his own atonement for the destruction he wielded at the tips of his fingers.

Roy snorted to himself and leaned back on the window seat, tipping his head back so that he could watch the raindrops race each other down the window from a new angle. The entire day had been like this, quiet, slow, like he was watching it through a grey filter. It was one of those rare days when the office was given a day of leave so that he could lounge about his house thinking of nothing at all. Or, well, he _would_ have been if he hadn't been pondering over his now somewhat permanent houseguest.

Usually, on a night such as this he would ensconce himself in his sitting room while listening to the rain patter against the roof and reading a well loved book but he had found himself wandering the quiet house instead, moving from room to room as if he couldn't make up his mind. If only it was something as simple as a restless mind. Yesterday they had thought they found a lead in the Elric brothers' case but it had turned out to be a dead end. How Ed had found out about it, he didn't know but the boy had screamed at him for a good ten minutes this morning about how he didn't want anyone to get involved in it before disappearing. Roy had not seen hide or hair of him since. He knew that the boy had not left the house, though how he could tell he wasn't sure but it was as if the blond would know which room the older man was about to enter and would escape before the Colonel stepped through the door.

He gritted his teeth and drew a swirl in the mist his breath created on the cool glass. It wasn't like he wanted to apologize to the kid for carrying on with the investigation because he wasn't sorry. Nor was he going to stop, especially when it put that kind of life in the wide gold gaze, even if the color was snapping at him in fury. He wasn't going to stop looking and he was going to see justice done. Sometimes he felt that it almost wasn't for Ed that he was doing it but himself and not because his sense of moral righteousness needed to be satisfied. He had come to realize, in the four weeks that the younger alchemist had been staying with him, that he had come to care for the young man a great deal.

Roy had always cared for the two boys; they were strong and bright and he wanted to see them succeed with their mission of getting their original bodies back. They had committed a serious taboo but instead of succumbing to the awful price that they had to pay, they were determined to overcome it and win back their lives, or as much of them as they could. Those were traits he would always admire. But he would be blind if he could not see his admiration had moved into something else. For the moment, he hesitated to call it love but that may have been because he had never really been in love before and certainly the fact that he knew of the blonde's feelings for him may have influenced his own, if just a little. But he couldn't deny that, after a single month, there was something there that had not been before.

At first, living with Ed looked like it was going to be impossible. There were so many things he could not do that he had always done before, like mercilessly teasing the normally volatile teenager until the boy was practically foaming at the mouth or resting his elbow on the blond head, just to point out their height differences. Seeing the wraith-like figure listlessly sitting in front of the window or pushing the food around on his plate would bring familiar anger boiling to the surface but even then, he could not snap at the boy like he normally would have done. There was no use getting mad at Ed because he wasn't the one he wanted to rile against. Unfortunately, life did not care when he screamed at it. Still, it was heartbreaking to see a person once so full of life shut down so completely.

Thankfully, he was able to get the boy to eat fairly quickly, though he noticed Ed never finished everything if the food was take out but by the time the first week rolled around, if Roy had cooked it himself, the blond would go back for seconds. Perhaps that's where it started, the warm feeling that burned in the pit of his stomach that felt oddly like affection. It made him want to do more for the younger man. So, no matter how annoyed or tired he was when he got home from work, he would cook dinner just for the pleasure of watching Ed eat it.

Two days into the second week that the blond alchemist had been living with him, he had made a hearty stew, serving it up in large bowls. It wasn't something he would normally make but he had just learned from Al that day that Ed liked stew and had decided to try. In the time they had spent together, which was mostly nights and a single full day on Sunday, he had never really heard the younger alchemist speak beyond short, monotone sentences or half-interested questions. But that night he had caught Roy by surprise when he lifted his head and looked across the table, the gold of his eyes unusually bright.

"Did you make this?" he had asked and it had taken the older man a moment to get past his shock before he could respond.

"Yes," he could remember worrying, thinking that maybe it didn't meet up to the boy's standards after all, though he had enjoyed the older man's cooking up until then. But Ed had titled one corner of his lips up in a small smile, taking another big bite from his spoon.

"It's really good," and it had taken the Colonel nearly five minutes to extract himself from the beauty of that single smile. That night, Ed had eaten three helpings.

Eventually, the blond did need to go back to work and actually, it had been Ed who had demanded the change of pace. Irrational worry had made the older man balk at first, thinking of how he had lost the boy in the first place and why he was even staying at his house. But Ed had just glared at him, telling him that if he didn't get some kind of change soon, he would go insane and that he promised no missions outside of headquarters for a long while. He could see the fear in the brilliant gaze when the boy had said it but life was beginning to spark back in the depths of his eyes and for that, Roy knew he couldn't deny Ed anything. Still, he kept the boy in his sight at all times and when he couldn't, he made sure Riza was with him. It was a testament to how afraid the blond really was that he didn't protest about being kept under such careful guard.

Yet despite that he was eating again, his figure filling out so that his bones didn't press against the fabric of whatever he was wearing and that he would now hold a conversation with Roy, however stilted, there were still some things that no matter how much time seemed to pass, the blond was stuck behind. No one could touch him, not even caring and innocent touches from the Lt. or however slight the contact might be. Just the other day Havoc had accidently clapped his hand on the younger man's shoulder and the next thing everyone knew, Jean was across the room, buried under half the wall. He had only just gotten out of the hospital yesterday and while Ed had been horrified at what he had done, still no one could get near him. Jean had just laughed it off, of course, assuring the blond alchemist that it was really nothing at all and that it was his own carelessness that was at fault but Roy could see how the bright gaze remained haunted, guilt still shot through with fear.

He himself had been careful not to touch the boy, at work or while they were at home, afraid of the consequences if he did. It was a handicap that the blond needed to get over soon, especially while working among other people who were not as in-tune with his moods. But short of forcing the touches upon the younger man, Roy had no idea how to fix that particular problem. There had been some days he had lapsed into despair upon seeing Ed because sometimes it seemed that he was doing so little for the boy. To be continually raped for days on end by several different people had to be detrimental and he could see the affects every day sitting across the kitchen table. The only way, he figured, to break this was by earning Ed's trust, completely and without compromise. And the only way he knew how to do that was with kindness and patience.

The worst of it, though, were the nightmares. Whatever hell Ed saw when he closed his eyes at night was not something he could guard against and each night, sometimes three or four times a night, he would wake up to _screaming_. There was no break, no peace and the only thing he could do was sit outside the bedroom door and wait it out, listening to the blond relive his terror over and over and over…

Roy rubbed his hands over his arms and forcefully turned his thoughts away from the path they had taken. In the four weeks since Ed's arrival, he had come to dread the nighttime. Dreaded it because there was nothing he could do to banish the dreams and there was no saving the blond from them, as he could not be forcefully shaken from them without rather unpleasant consequences. There had been times when the older man had been sorely tempted to slam the door open and curl himself around the younger man until the cries and the whimpers faded away. He wanted to be able to dry the tears that were sure to be glittering on the neat curve of the boy's cheeks and assure him that he was safe now, that the dreams couldn't follow him into reality. But that would be a lie too, because he watched, every day, what those nightmares could do to a conscious mind.

He regretted now, not telling the blond alchemist about the investigation he had been conducting. Somehow, he had arrogantly thought keeping that information from the boy would be the best but that had obviously not been the case, considering how violently it had blown up on his face. And now he found himself missing the blonde's presence. For the past few weeks they would sit together in the same room before one of them grew tired enough for sleep, sometimes talking, sometimes just sitting in each other's company. He wanted to look over his shoulder and catch the way the golden eyes would been trapped in the pages of a book or watching his hands was he practiced a new form of alchemy or burning with determination as he researched for another way to bring him and his younger brother back to normal. It was strange for him to think that he would be feeling this intensely for a boy more than ten years his junior but whatever misgivings he might have had only echoed quietly in the far corners of his mind. It didn't matter that he typically was attracted to women and that there was a large age gap; Ed, he had found, didn't need to be anything other than what he was and that, for Roy, was perfect.

In the dark, shimmering reflection of the glass he pressed his forehead against, he smiled bitterly to himself. Now that he's figured it out, Ed won't go anywhere near him. The Colonel was just about to slam his head against the window for a few times, if just to bang home the familiar chant that had been running through his head for a few days now, _What the hell are you doing, you idiot,_ when he sensed that he was no longer alone in the room.

"What are you looking at?" the rough, husky tenor still caught him by surprise even though he had known the boy was there and he turned to find Ed standing in the doorway of the small, cozy nook, his hair like a bright halo falling about his shoulders. There were no traces of anger left on his face but Roy couldn't read the younger man's expression from across the room. He sifted in his seat so he no longer had his legs tucked underneath him and pondered other alchemist for a moment.

"Just the rain," he answered finally and thought about adding, _it's melancholy beauty reminds me of you_ but caught the words before they could leave his mouth and make another disaster of things. He was trying to earn the boy's trust not seduce him. Ed smiled then, a small, crooked smile that he had come to adore before stepping into the room and taking a seat on the arm of the single chair so that he was almost close enough to touch the older man, bright eyes peering around the Colonel's frame and into the damp night.

"I wish it would stop," he said with a sigh, rubbing absently at the junction of where metal met flesh on his thigh. Roy felt a pang of sympathy when he remembered how the automail bothered the younger alchemist in such days, "It always reminds me of tears. When I was little, I asked my mother once why the sky cried and she told me it was because the sun could not come out and play," that smile was back, wider this time and even more lovely and Roy found himself leaning forward as he soaked in the blonde's words. Then Ed gave a little shrug, "It's silly to think about it now but I still always feel a little bad for the sky, getting left alone," it was such a sad image that the Colonel found himself taking in the shimmering color of the boy's gaze and thinking,_ Who needs the sun? You are the sun._

"Are you still upset with me?" he asked instead, wincing when the full force of the blonde's gaze fell on him then. This was closer than he usually got with the younger man and he was afraid to move lest he scare the other alchemist away. Finally Ed looked down, smile gone and deep shadows flickering across his face. Even though the light was on, the room seemed suddenly very dark.

"I'm not mad. I understand why you're doing it but I want no part of it and I'd rather never have to talk about it," the voice was soft but there was a hint of desperation in the husky tenor that had him instantly ready to sooth away that fear.

"That's fine, Ed. I can do that," after all, there was no need to involve the boy any more than he already had been and Roy had no intention of forcing the kid to relive that time a month and a half ago. The blond head nodded and then the younger man was smiling again.

"It's kinda funny how you call me Ed sometimes and other times I'm Fullmetal," it was a strange observation and it was something Roy hadn't even been aware he was doing. He liked saying the blonde's real name better but the boy had been Fullmetal for the better part of six years and it was a hard habit to break.

"If you don't like it—" but Ed shook his head, propping his feet up on the chair so that he could fold his arms over his knees and rest his chin on them.

"Nah, it's cool. I like it," and back was that coiling warmth, surging through his chest like a contented lion, anchoring into his heart so that he had no hopes of ever pulling the claws free. Swallowing around the obstruction in his throat, he looked back into the rain, watching it pool in the areas of the street that were lit and running off like watercolor paints into the darkness. There was nothing at all he could think of to say and the silence was filled with the soft sound of falling water and his own heartbeat. So caught up was he in the swirling patterns of the rain that he didn't realize Ed had moved from his perch until he found himself no longer alone on the snug window seat.

Nearly jumping out of his skin, he found the gold was particularly intense, bearing down on him like he was drowning in liquid metal. There was a question in that gaze and a hint of the ever present uncertainty but he couldn't get past how their knees were touching and how close Ed had allowed himself to come after closing the rest of the world away. He thought he could hear another heartbeat, as slow and as steady as his own as the scent of sunlight and clear skies wrapped around him like a solid embrace.

"There is something else I would like to ask of you," and he nearly shouted, leaped because this was the first time Ed had asked for something with that expression in his eyes.

"Of course,"_ anything_ and, oh, he could get lost in that smile. The blond looked away, suddenly uncertain, teeth biting into his bottom lip. He was nervous but there was trust in his eyes, the same kind of trust Roy had been painstakingly working for and he felt a surge of triumph. It would take a lot more time and a lot more of those smiles but at least the younger alchemist trusted him and the Colonel realized just how important that was to him.

"Could you…will you touch me?" His heart nearly leaped from his chest in joy but he carefully kept his expression neutral as he lifted his hand and slowly reached towards the boy, ready to pull away should he need to. But there was no trace of anything but quiet watchfulness as his fingertips grazed the soft, firm cheek. How trilling it was that he was allowed to be the first one to break through this barrier of fear, letting his fingers stroke the firm line of the straight jaw and dance over the curving cheekbones. All the while, Ed watched him, eyes trained on his face as if he was expecting some kind of rejection or otherwise unpleasant reaction. It wasn't until he encountered the soft strands of the gold hair did the intense gaze ease.

Amazed by the softness of it, Roy slipped his hand into the blonde's hair, delighting in the way it looked as it slid over his own pale wrists. He carded his long fingers through it several times before sinking his hand deep into the thick warmth, watching as Ed's eyes fluttered closed when he rubbed his scalp. Every tense line on the younger alchemist's face relaxed, even ones that he had not noticed before, leaving him looking young and open so that the Colonel could barely catch his breath. It was a look he had never thought to see on the boy's face and it struck a longing in his heart that scared him. With each rotation and pass of his fingertips, Ed leaned into him a little more, looking like he would purr if he could. Forever he could have stayed like that, silky strands tickling his skin while his fingers put _that_ look on the blonde's face but Ed finally opened his eyes, the color of them so bright it almost hurt, smiling in obvious pleasure.

When he reach up and took hold of the older man's wrist, he had thought the moment over but the younger alchemist did not push him away like he had expected. Instead, he untangled Roy's fingers from his hair and brought it in front of him so he could examine it. Slender fingers eased over the creases in his palms and tangled with his own long digits, the tawny skin warm and dry against his own. They bumped along his knuckles and traced the lines of the greenish veins, memorizing each detail and leaving him feeling almost too warm. He liked the way the blonde's hands were nearly a knuckle shorter than his own and of a deeper, richer color and how the slim, dexterous fingers felt when they twined with his own. Such simple touches and they meant so much that his heart ached for more of them.

Then Ed lifted his hand, looking for a moment like he was going to kiss the backs of his pale fingers but the gold gaze lifted to his own, half obscured by shimmering blond bangs and he paused. Heart in his throat, Roy stared transfixed at the parted lips as warm breath brushed over his skin, hoping some kind of wild, breathless hope that the younger man would actually kiss him. But something flickered in the depths of the gold eyes, like a shadow cast by crows wings and a second later Ed let go, sliding off the window seat. Almost instantly, the Colonel felt the absence like a gust of wintery chill yet before he could say anything, the blond was giving him _that_ smile, the one that seized his heart and stole his breath.

"Thank you, Roy," and he was gone, slipping from the room like a shadow.

Roy did could not move from that spot for a very long time, burning as he was with the gift that Ed had just given him. He had given him trust and for now that was the most beautiful victory of all.

_**...To be continued**_

_***sigh* so cute  
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	4. This place again

**A/N: Okay, so I'm not sure how many people actually read the author's notes but for those of you who do, and who actually give a shit (though I can't really blame those of you who don't) I just thought it would be cool to share something with you all. I have discovered, quite accidentally, that my cat plays catch. Yes, like a dog. I throw the little toy mouse, he runs and gets it and then comes back with it to dump it at my feet so that I can throw it again. This goes on until he gets bored. I nearly died the first time I discovered that I actually own a dog in a cat's skin. Hahaha! Anyway, thanks for indulging me, I'm sure you all want to just get to the real reason why you clicked on this chapter XP. I must say, I'm quite happy with this one. Hope you all are too! Once again, for my bestest pally, malfoysdaughter. Love ya, kid!**

**Warnings: Mentions and flashbacks of rape . Unbeta'd

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_It was this place again, the same place every night, the one that lurked in the back of his mind so that when he closed his eyes, he was once again surrounded by thick shadows and damp, concrete walls. Sometimes it was nighttime, sometimes the sun shone in thick rods through chinks in the ceiling but there was one thing that never changed. He couldn't escape. _

_Metal encircled his wrists and ankles and he had thought at first he might be able to break through the chains with his automail which had often proved stronger than steel but there was a weakness in his limbs that suggested drugs. No matter how he strained against his bonds, he couldn't break through. _

_And always there was pain. _

_Pain from sharp objects piercing his flesh, leather bringing welts to the surface of his skin, fists pummeling him while voices laughed around him, leering faces with melting features shifting in and out of his wavering vision. The owners of those faces would hurt him, over and over, their voices loud in his ears, though he could never quite make out the words that they were saying. Their hands would rip at his clothing, showing off his thinning frame and he could hide nothing from their prying eyes, always judging him, stripping away the layers of his soul until he was nothing but a beaten husk. He thought that if he didn't cry out, didn't make a noise, they would leave him be after they had their fill of hurting him. _

_But he knew, despite the foolish hope that he seemed to still be able to cling to, they were far from done. When the first one forced apart his legs and entered him in a blaze of pain, that hope would shatter all over again. There was someone crying in the back of his mind and someone's tears rolled down his cheeks. _

Don't look at me…

_And he always screamed._

It happened every night.

Every night the soft cries from across the hall punctuated his own dreams and pulled him to awareness, the sound so filled with anguish sometimes it was hard to distinguish who it really belonged to, himself or the boy sleeping across the hall. It had become such a regular occurrence, in fact, that many times he would be awake before the real screams even started. After more than a month of being woken in the middle of the night in the same manner, it was almost as if he had become tuned to the moment when his young house guest's dreams took a turn for the worse, as they always were sure to do. And even after all the time that had passed, the weeks that had dragged on in this manner, the overwhelming helplessness that clawed at the inside of his chest never went away, never lessened.

Roy stared up at the blank, shadowed face of his ceiling, taking in the deep quiet only brought on by early hours of the morning and waited. Tonight was one of the nights his body woke him up for what was to come instead of being roughly shaken by the sounds of Ed's nightmares. He often didn't know which one was worse; waiting for the heartrending screams to start or having them invade his own sleep. Either way, he hated it. He hated that there was nothing he could do to make the dreams easier for the boy, hated that he couldn't wake the blond from them and hated that he had to sit and wait until Ed finally woke up before he could go and comfort him. If the kid even allowed him that. Sometimes he would knock on the bedroom door and be screamed at, the voice rough from abuse and tears refusing to let him enter.

That was something that he had hoped they would get past, as they had the problem of not eating, of disinterest and, just recently, of physical touches. But this was not something Ed seemed to be able free himself from. The nightmares did something, put him in some kind of frame of mind that would have him on the verge of a panic attack, as if he really believed he was back in that God-forsaken warehouse and needed time to figure out what was reality and what was the figment of his memories. All Roy wanted to do was wrap his arms around the slender shoulders and let the golden head rest on his shoulder as he cried. He wanted to take all of that pain into himself so that the boy no longer had to suffer anymore. The Colonel would live through every moment of it over and over so that Ed no longer had to.

But he could not do that, no yet anyway, because even if the blond did let him in the room, he couldn't go near the bed and he couldn't show how the younger alchemist's tears affected him and he couldn't do anything to take away that agonizing pain. Or he just stared at the closed door and listened to the boy cry.

He wondered what tonight was going to be.

With a small sigh, he sat up and pushed his covers back, shivering as the cool air hit the bare skin of his torso. It wasn't a cold night as it was still early fall but he had always hated leaving the embrace of a nice warm bed. Still, he knew from experience that it would better if he was already up when Ed's nightmares began. At first, when this started, he would unglue his eyelids and try to fight his way through the fatigue. Waking up in the middle of the night usually made him nauseous and irritable in the morning. But now he barely even noticed. It probably made it easier that he wanted to do anything he could, whatever he was allowed of the boy and even when the shock of those harsh screams wore off, he no longer felt tired.

Scrubbing a hand through his dark hair, he padded softly through his dark house, familiar enough with its layout that he didn't even need the weak silver light spilling in through some of the windows. The floorboards creaked under his feet as the small sliver of the moon hanging on the other side of the windows in the dark sky followed him in his trek towards the kitchen. In his quest to find something that would aid in soothing the younger man, he had brought the boy warm chamomile tea one night, hoping he would at least take some kindness from Roy. First he had tried warm water with honey then an assortment of other teas which he had purchased at the advice of his Lt. but none of them seemed to make any difference, remaining untouched on the little table beside the blonde's bed the next morning. The older man had been nearly at wits end, desperate for _something_ when once morning he had gone into the guest bedroom that he had now come to think of as Ed's and found the mug waiting for him completely empty. That had been the night that was the first time of no reoccurring dreams and ever since then he had been bringing that particular tea.

Not to say it worked every time, because it didn't. Sometimes Ed wouldn't let him bring it to him or he just wouldn't drink it. Still, it made the Colonel feel like he wasn't completely useless. Now he rummaged through the dark kitchen, fumbling slightly for a clean mug and putting on the tea pot. The house was still quiet as he listened to the water beginning to heat inside the ceramic pot on the stove, leaning one hip against the countertop as he waited. As of yet, he couldn't hear anything from down the hall but sooner or later that was bound to change. There was a heaviness to the air he noticed always accompanied the few last moments of quiet, as if the atmosphere was picking up on the shadows lurking in the blonde's mind. Maybe it was his own dread or maybe it was Ed projecting his terror but whatever it was, he could nearly feel the invisible hands, tugging at his limbs as if they could drag him towards the boy's room.

Just as he was pouring the hot water into the mug, absently studying the way a ray of faint silver light teased the tiles on the walls, a wail whipped through the quiet. The sharp sound was like a set of claws, raking through the heavy stillness like it was rice paper, tearing it to shreds. Even though he had been expecting it since he had awoken, Roy still jerked in surprise, slopping the hot water over the countertops. Upon the heels of the scream came a loud shout as if Ed was trying to ward someone away with little success. He had been listening to this for almost a month and a half and the sounds the blond made never got any easier to bear. Hands trembling, he quickly added milk and enough sugar to make his teeth spin to the steaming mug (how Ed could drink his tea so sweet was beyond him) before snatching it up and walking quickly back through the house.

The door that separated him and the younger alchemist was a blank face offering nothing as he paused before it, staring at it as if the solid surface would turn transparent enough for him to see through to the other side. How he wanted to just turn the doorknob and let himself in, to sooth his hands through blond locks he knew felt like individual strands of silk, to whisper nonsense words into the shadows of the room so that his voice might banish them. Instead, he turned his back and slid to the floor, settling the mug next to his hip. All he could do now was wait.

Every scream and sob and moaning, keening cry of distress pierced his heart until he had his hands balled into fists and pressed against his ears while leaning his forehead against his upraised knees. No matter how many times he had to do this, it never got any easier. Some nights he was less affected than others but tonight it seemed to be particularly bad. Maybe because it had been so long that this was happening and he could find no way to stop it but before he knew it, he was breathing hard into the material of his pajamas, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. A heavy weight crushed his chest, making it difficult to breathe, pulse racing in rage and frustration as his fingernails bit into the skin of his palms. _Fuck, fuck…why? Why did this happen? Why him? Why did it have to be him? He's amazing, perfect, beautiful and they broke him…why him??_ The force of his thoughts practically clawed at the barriers of his mind, bubbling up in his throat so that he had to bite on his tongue to keep them locked away. Ed sobbed on the other side of the door, voice becoming rough from the abuse. Tonight was one of the bad nights.

"Damn it," but his own voice was drowned out by another scream and the tears flooded over, spilling down his pale cheeks. He wondered as he huddled against the single barrier that kept him from wrapping himself around the smaller alchemist, would this ever go away or would they both be doomed to relive this agony over and over again, with him helpless against it and Ed caught up in the throes of it?

He wasn't sure when he noticed the change in the blonde's voice, though by now he was so attuned to it, many times his body reacted before he knew what was going on. The screams had finally died down, the sounds changing to gasping sobs, announcing Ed had finally managed to pull himself free. Taking a deep breath and scrubbing at his damp cheeks with his forearm, he picked up the mug of tea and stood, knocking softly on the door. Sometimes the answer came right away, others he was made to wait for with bated breath. His heart beat furiously in his throat as he _willed_ the boy to let him in this time, biting on his bottom lip and holding his breath all the while.

"Come in," the two words made his whole body sag in relief before he pushed the door open, letting the shadows envelop him as he stepped into the room. He had offered to get Ed a nightlight, thinking it might help keep some of the darkness at bay but the boy had just laughed at him, gold eyes bemused as he stated quite bluntly that it wasn't the dark he was afraid of. Now he had to strain his eyes to see the figure sitting back against the pillows on the bed, the air slightly stale as if the dreams had indeed leaked out into the room.

"Hey. I brought you some of that tea," for some reason the late hour made him feel like he needed to be quiet or he would break apart the night that hovered around his shoulders with his voice. There was a soft rustle of cloth and a loud sniff as he caught the blond rubbing his face against the comforter. It was almost cute how even now Ed was embarrassed to be caught crying. Roy never once even gave a hint that he noticed, though how he could not was impossible, as the dim lighting his eyes were slowly getting used to picked up on the shimmering, silvery tears clinging to the skin below the blonde's eyes. Slowly approaching the bed and careful not to make any sudden movements, he placed the mug on the night table before moving away again.

"Thanks," the husky voice was a mere rasp, making him wince in sympathy. At least tonight Ed let him in. Most of the time, when the dreams were particularly bad was when Ed completely ignored his presence. As the boy reached for the mug and took tentative sips, he wished he could just lean over, just once, and run his fingers through the soft hair and wipe away the cooling tears. He could touch the boy during the day, fleeting, comforting touches that the younger man often came seeking out but at night, their world was a very different place. Running distracted fingers through his own hair as if that would still the longing, he took another step back towards the door.

"If you're okay, I'll just—" but then something happened that hadn't before, something that brought his entire being to a complete stand still. Ed's voice cut him off, the words nearly inaudible but so full he nearly lost himself in them.

"Please, wait…" Roy held his breath and stared through the shadows, wishing he could penetrate the darkness so as to see the exact shape of the expression on the younger man's face. Instead all he could see were the places where he knew the color gold burned so fiercely, eye sockets black as pitch, "I don't…do you think that, maybe, you could stay, just for tonight?" it was what he had been wishing for, hoping for, _aching _for and a warmth spiked through his body so that even his fingers and toes tingled in anticipation. The whole thing could end up terrible and they both knew it. The knowledge hung between them like a solid wall and he could just make out the way the younger alchemist trembled, as if the Colonel would refuse him. But even if it should end with him in the hospital when Ed woke up from another dream to find himself not alone in his bed, he knew he would never deny the boy anything, not even this. Especially not this.

"Yes," he breathed, "If that's what you want," and he made his way back over to the bed, pausing at the edge. Here he could see a little more of Ed's face but there was no fear or trepidation in the sharp features. There was only hope burning there. The boy shifted over, giving him enough room to join him on the bed, propping himself up on the pillows. They stared at one another in the darkness, the fact that they were alone together in a bed not lost between them. But that wasn't what this was about and he just waited, letting Ed do what he needed. Finally the boy sighed, glancing away and plucking at the comforter with his mismatched fingers. Cool metal gleamed in the weak moonlight.

"Sorry. I wouldn't ask but I can't take these dreams anymore and I thought that, maybe, if I wasn't alone, they might…I don't know. I just…I don't want to be alone," Roy swallowed past the lump in his throat, reminiscent of the tears that had assaulted him only moments ago. Slowly, as if he was trying to coax a skittish animal, he lifted his hand towards the boy's face, pausing long enough for the nod of consent before sinking his fingers into the tangled fall of blond hair. It was soft and damp with sweat and so perfect he had to close his eyes against the surge of emotion.

"Please, don't. This is fine," _better than fine_ but the words caught and he just sifted his fingers through the golden strands, feeling Ed relaxing into his touch. There was a soft, almost relived sigh before the blond shifted down into the bed once more. Yet instead of using his own pillow to rest his head on, he shuffled over to where the older man lounged, pressing his head into his thigh.

"I wonder how many times I'm going to have to say thank you to you," he heard the boy whisper as he continued to stroke his shoulder length hair. Heat curled through him like a contented cat, and he stared down at the lump in the covers that was Ed, shocked at the amount of trust the boy was willing to put into him. A slender hand curled into the material of his sleeping pants down near his knee as if the younger man was trying to convince himself this was real. The heavy air had eased somewhat, as if the nightmares had been banished by the sudden change in routine and he tipped his head back, blinking blurrily at the ceiling. Suddenly he was tired, a different kind of heaviness pulling at his limbs as he marveled over the comforting weight of Ed's head resting in his lap. He would no doubt wake with a crick in his neck and this could still all go horribly wrong should Ed dream again but he couldn't leave now if the house were to fall down around his ears. Hope was blazing through him like a beacon, its fierce light burning away some of the uselessness and despair. The warm breaths ghosting over his leg evened out, peace suffusing their air and banishing the staleness left behind from bad dreams.

"You don't ever have to say thank you," he whispered to into the silence as he too drifted off and wondered if he dreamed the way the grip on his pajamas tightened. He would stay despite his worries and the knowledge that they still had a long way to go before Ed's wounds had healed into scars. He would stay even if the boy never healed. He would stay because he was slowly, irrevocably falling in love.

That night, the blonde slept peacefully until morning.

_**...To be continued**_

_**Ah, I can't stop grinning like an idiot now. Excuse me while I go giggle like the mad little fangirl that I am...  
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	5. Unintended Results of Misunderstandings

**A/N: Okay you guys, a couple things before I start. First, thank you all SO much for your awesome reviews and favorites and alerts and everything else. You have all been so good to me and I am very grateful. This kind of fic isn't normally what I write so thanks, your amazing replies are what's keeping me going. Second, I just want to say to all of you who are all upset about me torturing Ed. Believe me, I get no kind of sick, sadistic pleasure out of it and if it didn't work with the premise of the story, which I realize has been done before and, yes, it is a bit cliche, I wouldn't be doing it. Besides this is nothing compared to what I'm going to be doing for my novel-length story, Flames and a Golden Sword (sorry for all of you who are reading that XP). So, thank you for pointing that out but as I have mentioned before, I don't write sad. Ever. *hint* I write angst but it will always have a happy ending! Just trust me guys, I love you all, I would never make you read something and put beloved characters through something terrible without offering a happy ending. **

**That said, I hope this came out okay. I wasn't too sure of it as it didn't go the way I had planned but it seems this chapter has taken on a will of its own O.o Anyway, thanks again for your wonderful support and love. This is for my other half, malfoysdaughter.

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_Sometimes, in his own mid, he could almost believe himself normal. Sometimes it was almost as if what had happened nearly four months ago had never occurred, leaving his mind clear and making him feel as if he hadn't been sullied in the basest of ways. Sometimes. _

_Today was one of those days._

_Just the other day, a lead for a new breakthrough in the way alchemy was performed reached the office and he had to admit, even after all of their setbacks when it came to getting their bodies back, this did sound promising. It wasn't on par with a Philosopher's stone as it was an outside source like that and it reminded him a little of the Chimera research (which still made his skin crawl thinking about it) only it wasn't melding together two different species. The report had been a little vague but it had been…too long since they had gone in search of returning themselves back to normal and he couldn't keep waiting. Life wasn't going to slow down just because for the few months he had been unable to function like a normal human being and he still had that promise, the one he had made to his brother years ago, to keep. And keep it he would, no matter what it took. _

_The soft sound of steadily clanking wheels hummed at the edge of his consciousness as he glanced over at his two traveling companions. This was their first mission outside of the city in many long months and while he had been a little irked at needing to have a chaperone, he did not begrudge the Colonel's presence. Secretly, he was pleased the man had basically demanded to come along, the heat in his dark eyes refusing to brook any arguments. Whether they were at work or home, he had barely been separated from the man since he had first come to stay with him. It was better that way. Well, for him anyway; he had never felt so safe before as he did when he was with Roy. The man had never given him any reason to doubt him, even before he had started staying with him and the more time he had spent in his company, the more in love with him he fell. _

_Now he watched as the older man's head tipped back against the headrest of his seat, the handsome features oddly softened as he dozed. It wasn't like he had never seen the Colonel asleep because he had. Almost every morning for the past two and a half months, in fact. Though he wished it could have been something more, so far all of their interactions had been strictly innocent. It was just that he slept better if the older man was near him so they had taken to sleeping in Roy's room as his king sized bed was more conducive to two bodies in it than the one in the guest bedroom. Still, it always gave him a thrill to wake up right next to the older alchemist, allowing him a few moments to see the times when he was completely unguarded. _

_The blond tipped his head to the side, regarding the older man for a few more moments. Al sat beside him, humming absently to himself as he read diligently from a thick tome in his oversized hands. It was good to be able to sit in his brother's company again without having to worry if the younger boy was thinking of his older brother's defilement. Being with Roy had eased his fears in more ways than one and he was grateful for the freedom that granted him. He had missed Al and he realized now that their bond as brothers could not be broken by what had happened. Yet, in the end, everything circled back to the Colonel. His attentiveness and unwavering patience were the only reason why Ed wasn't still stuck back in his tiny apartment, wallowing away in shame and fear. Though still not without the chafing wounds that still sometimes pulled at him and weighed him down, slowly they were healing and it was all due Roy's attentive kindness. _

_Ed looked back out the window as the train sped through the colorful countryside, smiling to himself. It may be innocent now but that was going to change very soon. Desire had started creeping into the edges of their relationship, fueled by his feelings for the man that had already been long established. _

_Right now he needed healing but soon…his smile turned predatory as he eyed the dark haired Colonel out of the corner of his eye. _

_Soon he would need something else entirely. _

Surprisingly enough, the mission had gone well…considering.

Roy frowned through the thick glass of the windshield and gripped the steering wheel tighter. If well meant that they had some success in finding the information they had set out to collect in the first place, then yes, it had gone very well. Unfortunately, when it comes to his involvement with the Elric brothers and everything they did, it was never that simple. Ever.

It had been some time that he had been out of the office and in the field, though he hardly considered looking up a retired State alchemist and asking after his new research "working in the field". Still, it had given him a thrill of excitement that he got to work for a bit away from his desk. Seriously, he was beginning to think his Lt. was trying to kill him via paperwork. Which was a little strange because if he recalled correctly, he was _her_ superior. Problem with Riza, though, was that there was no arguing with her gun. In his experience, the bullets tended to win. Besides, he had always been curious just how it was Ed and his younger brother managed to get into so much trouble whenever they left the office. He had been getting rather bored back in Central.

And everything had been fine until the local authorities showed up.

It was in his rather limited experience in dealing with the police that worked the towns and villages outside of the city that they were often bloated with the power they wielded, both being above the law and in enforcing it. The small town called Pool in which resided the alchemist they were going to see was no exception.

It was a quiet town, peaceful, where parents didn't have to worry about where their children were and where the crime rate was low mainly due to the fact that everyone knew everyone else and their grandmother. It was the kind of place he had never really had the occasion to go but had found that he liked it immensely. Much better than the bustling, dirty city he was stationed in. The air was clear, here, smelling of fresh apples and bread from the bakery down the street from the station. This kind of place never really saw too many visitors and their presence had drawn quiet the amount of attention. Not that he minded, really and the brothers walking calmly at his side as they asked for the whereabouts of the retired alchemist seemed to be used to it. The people were courteous and genuinely curious, asking questions with simple interest in their eyes. It was refreshing to be removed from all the calculating stares; Roy had never realized what a tense atmosphere they lived with until he was facing something so completely different.

The older gentleman whose residence they found fairly quickly and who went by the name Kane Perry was also very accommodating, welcoming them all into his home and barely giving Al a strange glance. Later on, he would admit that he had played with the fixation of souls to another object, though he had never actually done the actual transmutation.

As it turned out, his research was still in the beginning stages but he welcomed Ed to copies of his research and only asked that they collaborate their findings, whoever should make the necessary breakthroughs first. All in all a very favorable visit. Perry had even exclaimed in delight over Roy's particular adaptation of alchemy and had asked to be shown some of it. With Ed laughing at him, glee bright in his gold eyes, he couldn't say no. If he was honest, it was more of a vacation than a mission, though he would never admit as much to his Lt. By the time they were saying goodbye to the older man, it was long after the last train had departed and they were forced to stay the night. Ed and Al talked excitedly long into the early hours of the morning, going over and over the notes they had been given and he watched on in satisfaction. All the shadows had been banished from both boys' demeanors and it was relaxing to watch their easy interaction and light banter. He had to admit that this was exactly what the blond needed; that extra ray of hope blazing through what was left of his trauma and leaving him the strong, bright, lively boy that he had been before.

After everything that had happened, his heart warmed to see it. Both Ed and Al deserved this and perhaps, maybe, this time they had found the key they had been looking for all these years. He desperately hoped that it was true this time. And then Ed smiled brilliantly at him from across the room and everything was right with the world.

Unfortunately that all changed when they were about to leave the next morning.

It amazed him how simple understandings had a way of crumbling carefully built bridges and ripping open old wounds and the person who had caused the whole thing didn't even understand the extent of the damage they were inflicting. How much anguish had been inflicted by misunderstandings? The train station had been completely empty except for them even though it was nearing noon but the breeze coming in from the orchards on the other side of the tracks was pleasant and the sun blazed down from the sky, lovely and warm. Somehow, Al had found a kitten lurking near the tracks and had been cuddling it as best he could. Ed was stretched out on the only bench, reading quietly, leaving the Colonel to sit at the edge of the platform, peering down the length of the steel tracks while thinking it would have been fine if the train never did come. That is, until their peace was disrupted by several men in the uniform of the town's police sauntered onto the platform and started spouting nonsense.

"Are you three the same men that came in yesterday to see Dr. Perry?" the man who had spoken was clearly the ringleader of the bunch, his size rivaling that of Major Armstrong and his thick, graying mustache curling up at the ends. It had been all Roy could do to keep the sneer off his face. Pompous ass. He hadn't even bothered to get up when he responded.

"Yes, that would be us. Is there a problem?" he had prided himself on the cool timbre of his voice, watching how the four strange men had now closed off any escape they might have made and were closing in on them. He remembered lifting one dark eyebrow in distain, unable to imagine why the local authorities would be bothering them.

"We're going to have to bring you in for questioning. There has been an attack and a robbery at one of the local grocers and it was your description that was given," and the man had pointed at Roy, shocking them all. He heard Ed make a noise of protest, swinging his feet over the side of the bench so that he could stand, fury snapping in his eyes but he waved the boy off, more amused than anything. Too bad he was in civilian clothes as no one would bother harass them if he had been in uniform. Sighing, he rose to his feet.

"That is quite unfortunate but I assure you, neither myself nor my companions had anything to do with it. We have just come for a visit," all delivered in that cool-as-you-please tone and he caught Ed eyeing him with appreciation. It made heat swirl in his gut, getting a look like that from the younger man. Yet it seemed that the big man was not done. He took a step closer to Roy, another man behind him as if backing him up and glared down his nose at the dark haired Colonel.

"Rather convenient then, that an attacker of your description just happens to strike while you are "visiting" our town. Makes you sound awfully guilty," Roy narrowed his eyes.

"I wouldn't call it convenient. I'd call that staged. I was at the inn all night with my two companions and had no occasion to leave," he snapped, aloof beginning to dissipate as the confrontation continued. He could see Ed beginning to get agitated and he wanted these men gone before he decided to do something stupid. Of course, things never did go the way they were supposed to. The older man standing in front of the Colonel scoffed, looking thoroughly unconvinced of his innocence and waved to the younger man standing behind him who held a set of handcuffs.

"It will be even more inconvenient when we take you to the station. Arrest him," the moment that everything went bad was forever imprinted in his mind, a series of images that moved past in slow motion. The command to have Roy arrested seemed to spur Ed into action, the boy stepping forward with snarled curses on his tongue and righteous anger flashing in his eyes. Yet before he had more than half-shouted the words of the Colonel's innocence, he was snatched from behind by a third man, being carelessly manhandled. He knew why it was done; they had been afraid that the kid would get violent in defense of the older man but the blond had only just gotten comfortable enough to let people around the office give him a clap on the back or shoulder while only allowing the more intimate touches to Al and Roy. He had not even wanted to imagine what could happen should a stranger come up behind the kid and try to immobilize him.

It was that moment, that single breath in time and he knew instantly things were about to go very wrong very fast.

It was Al who came to Ed's aid, whose arms had been grabbed from behind so that he could not clap his hands together. Both boys were well schooled in the art of fighting; Roy had seen them in action plenty of times but something had happened to the blond the moment he realized someone he didn't know was holding him from behind in a less than friendly way, making it so he wasn't fighting back. As he had his own set of angry men coming after him, intent on subduing him, the Colonel barely had a moment to see the panic that had frozen the wide golden gaze, the younger alchemist's face blank with terror. But he wasn't fighting and that was the worst part. Then Al shouted just as Roy was carefully evading a swing of a police baton, his usually soft voice ringing loudly through the sudden din as he easily shoving away the man who was trying to accost him. Yet it was more the sound than anything else that seemed to snap through Ed's fear.

For a moment, he thought the boy was going to kill the man holding him.

So Roy had done the first thing he could think of, thanking whoever would hear his silent prayer that he had thoughtfully left his gloves on. Fire blazed along the platform, accompanied by cries of pain and surprise. The shock of it caused Ed to falter just enough that the man he was about to run through with his automail managed to shake free, fleeing the platform as the Colonel's fire raged harmlessly like snapping snakes along the concrete floor. He barely even noticed the men running as eh couldn't stop staring at Ed. Calmly, he walked up to the younger alchemist who still had a wild look flaring through his eyes and knelt before him, making Ed the taller of the two. When the golden gaze had met his own, he nearly wept with the anguish he found there.

"I almost killed him," he breathed, horror and shock thick in his voice. The older man lifted one hand and curled it in the blond hair that now reached past Ed's shoulders, the color of it like blazing wheat in the light of the dying flames. Where the police officers had gone, he did not care, though he suspected they would be back before long with backup. He just held that deep, burning gaze and let the color of it wash over him.

"But you did not," and he smiled, trying to give the boy as much warmth as he could.

It was a close thing yet it was like his fire had been the beacon that brought the train, giving them their means for escape. The incident weighed heavily on all three the entire way home and the sight of the shadows flickering back in those beautiful gold eyes made his heart ache.

Thank goodness for Hughes. Roy knew he was a good person but he had never been more grateful for his friend than he had been the few moments after they had arrived back in Central. The feeling that had followed them back from Pool had not gone away as they filed back into headquarters, Ed's normally rowdy continence gone to be replaced with the mannequin they had been living with nearly four months ago. His younger brother had tried to talk to him a couple times but he had been completely ignored, brushed off with barely an acknowledging glance. He wondered if the boy would have cried if he could but the hulking suit of armor had turned vague and sulky after that, the normal glow where his eyes were just black pitches of unresponsive emptiness. There had been nothing from either of them the entire ride.

But it wasn't until they were back in the office, being greeted by an enthusiastic Winry and Hughes who had come by to drop the girl off as she had been staying with his family while they were gone when Al approached Ed again. The Colonel couldn't hear what had been said but whatever it was had the younger boy gestating wildly while the blond clenched his fists with repressed emotion. There was too much commotion around him to see what happened clearly but suddenly the blond alchemist was snarling at his brother, flinching away as Al went to touch his hand.

As Ed stormed from the room and the office fell silent, Roy was sure he could hear a sob coming from the dejected boy.

If it hadn't been for Hughes and his bustling both a distraught Winry and depressed Al from the office with bright promises of apple pie and a slumber party at his house, he didn't know what he would have done. The man had looked over his shoulder before leaving the office and winked at his friend, knowing that Roy had the bigger challenge, which was the truth. He just hoped they wouldn't have to start all over again.

Ed had been in the car already, waiting for him but when he tried to think of something to say, the heavy atmosphere just sucked the words into nothingness and he said absolutely nothing at all. He just hoped that the trust he had been building all along would overcome this. At the moment, he wasn't too sure.

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Pain bloomed across his face, sharp and momentarily turning his vision white. For a moment, he had no idea what had hit him, only that he thought he was going to scream with the intensity of it.

Because he had been stupid. Stupid and thoughtless and as he slowly began to regain his bearings, realized that he had absolutely deserved being punched in the face by automail and thrown across the room. It was he own stupid, damn fault. Gasping for breath, he realized he was slumped against a wall in his living room where he had come up behind Ed who had been reading quietly on the couch and had touched his shoulder. Without giving a warning. He would have thought, especially after what had happened earlier that day, he would have remembered not to do such a thing. They had been getting so familiar with one another, though, that it was something he had started doing all the time. He should have known that today he needed to be a little more respectful of boundaries. Instead he had done what they had both gotten used to him doing and had gotten a face full of metal fist.

Fuck, that had hurt.

By the way blood oozed through his fingers and how stars still littered his vision, pain pulsing across his facial structure, his nose had to be broken. Fantastic. Blinking past the throb, he saw Ed rushing towards him, horror written all over his face, though the older man couldn't hear what the boy was saying past the ringing in his ears. Carefully, he pushed himself into a sitting position and gingerly felt the tender ridge of his nose, noting the lopsided bump that had not been there a moment while thick, crimson liquid continued to splash his clothes.

"…fucking sorry, I didn't hear you come up behind me and I don't know what I was thinking. It was like my hand moved on its own and…" Roy lifted his free hand, realizing his vision was strange because his eyes were tearing and cut the kid off mid-babble.

"Ith fine, Eb. Bud I thin' ith boken," shit, he sounded like someone had shoved wads of cloth up his nostrils, the injury making his voice thick and nasally. Blood slid into his mouth and coated his tongue, making him taste copper and bitter salt. The blond hurriedly fetched a couple towels from the kitchen and before he knew it, he was sitting on his couch with a worried blond pressed against his side as he gently cleaned the Colonel's face. The bleeding had finally slowed and he tried not to grunt in pain as Ed carefully brushed his fingers along the break. His dark eyes met shadowed gold and he tried a smile, "Think you can set it?" and was gratified when the kid smiled crookedly at the way he was talking.

By the way he handled pushing Roy's nasal cartilage back into place, the blond was no stranger to broken noses, though that didn't help the debilitating wave of agony that washed through him or the fresh flow of blood. Still, he was grateful that the younger man stayed there, all the while murmuring apologies and pressing ice to the older man's face. It was interesting to be on the receiving end of such attention and perhaps if it had been anyone but Ed, he would have minded more. But the Colonel relaxed back into the couch, letting tender fingers brush over his skin and the ice numb the throbbing. When he encountered the dull look of guilt, he had just reached up and ran his fingers through the blond hair, a motion that had become calming and familiar.

"Don't beat yourself up about it. It's not like I've never broken it before. Ask Hawkeye next time you see her why she did it the first time. Interesting story, that," but his easy words did not dispel the way Ed wouldn't look him in the eye or how he seemed to curl in on himself, guilt and something similar to bitterness twisting his features.

"But I…but what if it's not something as simple as this next time?" his husky tenor was soft and rougher than usual, as if he was trying to bite back tears, the sound of it making Roy's hand tighten in the blond strands before resuming its comforting strokes. So that was what was bothering him.

"Why do you think there will be a next time? Everything has been going fine. It was just an accident," those gold eyes flattened and then took on a desperate shine that he recognized from the train station when his own flames had stopped the boy from killing some poor, ignorant person. He wasn't sure what that could mean but it wasn't something he was familiar with. It wasn't normally an expression he saw on the younger man's face. Energy broke over him in terrified waves as Ed met his eyes.

"Roy, it's not fine! I didn't punch you! I hit you with my open palm because I had already transmuted my automail without thinking! What if I hadn't remembered in time!? I can't…I'm not…" and now there were tears running down his face, broken sobs filling the room and winding painfully around his heart. The older alchemist gently brushed away the warm, salty tears with his thumb while trying not to think about how close he had come to never opening his eyes again. Amazingly, he wasn't afraid. Never once had he been afraid, no matter how badly things could have ended up. The only fear he had felt in the entire four months was that he might not be what Ed needed to find his solace. Now that he had seen that he was, something like his own safety wasn't going to get in the way.

"Shhh, come on. Please? Ed, please don't. I'm okay, really and nothing bad happened," he cupped the shapely jaw and forced the reddened eyes to look at him. He smiled past the ice pack he still pressed against his nose and moved his thumb to gently run along the full lips, catching some of the tears that had caught there. The skin was amazingly soft and warm, making him wonder what it would be like to taste it. Never before had he touched the blond in such a way and it sent a silent thrill through him that Ed was allowing it, "I trust you, Ed. Do you trust me?" The boy looked at him for a moment before nodding, misery still written all over his face but the tears had stopped so he supposed it hadn't been entirely futile.

That night Ed had grudgingly curled up next to him in the same bed, gold eyes sad in the moonlight and he realized the expression had nothing to do with the pain he had been harboring since he had been kidnapped. It was something else entirely and he felt completely powerless against it. Before he settled back into his own pillows, face still a throbbing mess, he had carded his hand through all that blond hair, listening to the way the kid sighed and it had been very hard not to lean down to kiss him. Instead he just smiled into those trusting eyes and whispered a soft goodnight.

The blonde's quiet apology was uttered after he had fallen asleep, but if he had heard it, he would have realized it was not in reference to hurting him.

And in the morning when he found the note waiting for him on the kitchen table, his world came to a screeching halt.

_Roy,_

_Thanks for everything. I think it's time I went back home now and stopped uprooting your life. _

_Ed._

That was it. Bitter disappointment crashed over him as he stared blankly at the words. How could the boy know he was not disrupting his life but was only adding to it? How could he know Roy had fallen in love with him? He couldn't, because the Colonel had never once said anything. Sighing loudly, he folded the note and put it in his pocket. Maybe, he realized as he absently poked at the tender skin around his eyes, the blond had been looking for more than just comfort. Maybe it was time to tell him what he really meant to the older man and it wasn't the charity case Ed seemed to think he was. Rubbing the back of his head and sluggishly getting ready for work, it felt as if the sun had never bothered to rise that morning because the blond seemed to have taken it with him when he left.

Somehow, because he had not spoken up soon enough, they had back-tracked quite severely. But that was okay. Roy squared his shoulders and thought of Ed's soft hair and bright eyes and devastating smile.

It was okay because he would start all the way at the beginning if that was what it took.

_**...To be continued**_

_**...well, idk, you guys tell me what you think. And now I think its poor Roy! X3  
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	6. Halfway Point

**A/N: sorry, sorry! This was supposed to be done last night but this chapter was surprisingly hard to write. I did try *facepalms* Thanks again for all you wonderful, awesome, amazing reviewers! I have been officially blown away! Just one thing; someone said that Roy was a little OOC and I guess that's true. *shrugs* You have to admit, though, if Roy were to really fall in love (especially with Ed who has been seriously emotionally traumatized), what would he be like? And then you have to consider that this IS yaoi so they are OOC anyway, right? I do try but I admit I was a little saddened to hear that because Al and Roy are my two favorite characters. (I stuck Al in there just because he is amazing. If he was real, I would marry him. XP)**

**Warnings: for...a wet dream? *snickers* not very descriptive but still...;D

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…_Roy's hand…stroking through his golden hair, long fingers gently sliding though it, avoiding the tangles and rubbing his scalp. It was so familiar, this touch, one that he had gotten so used to during the past couple months that he didn't know how he had ever lived without it. Or how he was going to live without it again. But that didn't matter now because it _was_ there, soothing and strong and so, so warm. _

_It had been so long since he had dreamt of anything but darkness. _

_When the touches changed, so did the timbre of his consciousness, awareness turning hazy so that when he tried to look into the face of the one bestowing the blissful touches over his neck, his shoulders and, oh, he was sure he had been dressed when he had gone to sleep. But no matter. Even if he had been, those long, pale fingers would have found a way around any obstacle anyway. Because they _burned_ through him, as if the other's skin was made of fire. Pleasure, desire, passion, want, _need_; it all flowed through his veins, mixing into his blood until he could practically taste it. _

_Sounds trickled from his throat, unhindered by his desperation and spurred on by the ache that had curled into his bones, his gut, waiting for the right moment, the perfect joining. _

_When he was entered, there was no fear, nothing to remind him of the pain that had nearly destroyed him not so very long ago. There was nothing but blissful satisfaction, the overwhelming fullness, the burning pleasure that pushed him harder, harder. Just before he lost his breath at the final pinnacle, he looked up, into the man's face and found himself drowning in the deepest pools of blackest night. _

"_Roy…" and he thought his heart might break at the beauty of the fire as it consumed him. _

_It was too good to be true, he knew, as he opened his eyes moments later, covered in sweat and nerve endings still tingling to find it was all a dream. This was the first time he had dreamed in something other than nightmares since his rape and he supposed it was rather fitting that it would be of Roy. Feeling shaky and lethargic, he slipped his hand beneath the covers and drew it out coated in white, sticky film. _

_Ed groaned and flipped onto his stomach, not caring that he was smearing cum in his sleeping pants, burying his face into his pillow. _

_Too bad it was his own small, cold bed he had to wake up in. Even worse was that he was alone. _

Ed was avoiding him. He had never realized quite how good the kid was at dodging his superior officer until the past three weeks when he had barely seen hide or hair of the kid and it was starting to drive him a little insane. Of course the blond had to come into the office; as determined as he was to stay as far away from the Colonel as he could, he still wasn't able to just not show up for work. Yet even so, Roy found himself unable to catch the kid so he could pull him to the side and just _talk_ to him. It was like he had been given a thousand opportunities but every time he moved forward to take advantage of one, they would slip by like water through his fingers. It was frustrating, _maddening_ even and he wasn't sure how to draw the younger alchemist back.

Having his nose broken had given him two black eyes that had taken nearly two full weeks to fade, much to his chagrin and the gleeful teasing of his subordinates. Havoc couldn't seem to get over the fact that someone had managed to get one over on him and mar his looks that badly, crowing rather loudly that now Mustang couldn't steal all the woman in Central, giving the tall blond a chance at a date. What Roy didn't tell him was that he hadn't been dating for years now and the fact that the Second Lt. couldn't get a date was because of his own ineptness and not because the dark haired Colonel was stealing them all. As it was, he had no wish to date anyone except one person, the same person who had broken his nose in the first place and who wouldn't give him the time of day.

He could understand where the kid was coming from, he really could. Ed had lashed out as a reaction to the older man's own carelessness and now he was feeling guilty. He probably thought, if Roy knew the blond at all, that if he kept his distance then he wouldn't be able to hurt the Colonel anymore. Not that he really wanted to have broken noses and black eyes for the rest of his life but if that was what it took, then he didn't care. He would rather that than the unbearable stillness that had come with the younger alchemist's absence. But the stubborn idiot wouldn't even _talk_ to him. If he had to make a report, he would write it out and send it in with Breda or Havoc or even Riza, who seemed to find this entire thing amusing. Well, she would because she was the only one who really knew what was going on. If there was one person who could pick up on his feelings for Ed, it was her, though the thought was somewhat galling. Thankfully, she didn't say anything but she also didn't make the younger alchemist bring the reports to the Colonel himself. It made him wonder whose side she was on, exactly.

In an effort to take his mind off his frustration, he actively pursued the incident that had occurred while they were in Pool, making sure that the instigators were properly handled and finding out just what, exactly, had happened. As it turned out, there had indeed been a robbery the very night they had stayed in the town, the misfortune falling upon the local grocer but the victim that had been involved in the crime had not actually _seen_ the person who had done it. The only reason he had pointed Roy out was because he had been a bit addled and thought that a stranger's presence in the town must have been connected with the nefarious act. Roy had been _furious_ when he had learned _that_ interesting bit of information. What had happened that day was the direct cause of his current frustration and a relapse with Ed and it was all because the idiot had wanted to have a culprit to point his finger at.

The Colonel smirked slightly at the pile of papers he was supposed to be filling out and was instead choosing to ignore. They had been quiet dismayed when they had found out the people they had accosted were a Colonel and a Major in the military and State Alchemists on top of that. To say that he had received an abundance of apologies was a rather large understatement but even with the wordy, driveling letters that he had received and even a rather disturbing visit from the Captain of the police in that particular district, it had been rather amusing and helped take his mind off the fact that Ed _still_ wouldn't talk to him.

There were other things he could be doing to distract himself further; there was still the issue of the stalled investigation into the Elric brother's kidnapping but he realized that he didn't want any more distractions. Too much had gotten in the way already. He supposed that if Ed had never gotten taken and abused, he wouldn't have had the chance to have really spent time with him, to get to know him outside his title of the Fullmetal Alchemist. Nor would Al have needed to start things off by petitioning for his aid and telling him Ed was already in love with him, though it probably would have come out sooner or later. Even so, he was secretly glad it had happened this way. Not the part where the blond had to endure what he had but that the Colonel had been given the chance to be the one to put all the pieces back together.

Now, if only he could just get the kid to stand still long enough to be able to _tell_ him that.

When a knock came on his half-shut office door and Al stepped into the room, he had a sudden sense of déjà vu. The boy seemed to be less depressed this time though, if the way he all but stormed in and closed the door a little harder than necessary behind him was anything to go by. Well. This was certainly not typical Al behavior and it made him wonder just what had happened to put the boy in such a bad mood. A second later, he got his answer.

"What happened between you and Ed?" his light tenor was sharp and for a moment the older man wondered just who the younger Elric was mad at, his older brother or the Colonel. He sat back in his chair, still feeling the sense of sameness flickering around the edges of their current positions and wished not for the first time that there was some kind of tell on the cold planes of the boy's armor that would allow him to read his emotions.

"You mean before or after he broke my nose?" he asked, trying to keep as much sarcasm out of his voice as possible. It would do him no good to have the younger boy pissed at him too. He needed Al on his side. The hulking armor crossed its arms, the metal scraping softly together and he sensed a frown.

"I don't know but you need to do something to fix it because he's acting like he's four again and was sent to bed without dinner," the thought almost made him choke on a laugh and he might have if the kid didn't sound so exasperated. Roy ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly feeling restless. He had been _trying_ to fix it for three weeks and short of tying the kid down to a chair so they could have a desperately needed talk, he so far had been unsuccessful. Standing, he moved to the other side of his desk and huffed in frustration.

"I've _been_, Al. He won't let me anywhere near him. I told him I didn't mind about the whole broken nose thing and I know it was just an accident but he disappeared anyway. Now he won't even stay in the same room with me," the last bit came out as a growl and it had the affect of causing the younger man's body to relax, the sharp, helmeted head tipping to the side.

"Yeah," the sigh rattled through the empty metal space and Roy smiled despite himself. It was rather cute how much the two brothers cared so much for each other, even when they wanted to do nothing more than strangle each other. Despite his aggravation with whatever attitude Ed had acquired since he had gone back to his own apartment, clearly Al was still worried about him, "I mean, he's a lot better than he was, which, thank you for, by the way," Roy regarded him with a smile and gestured for him to continue, "He's not hiding anymore but he _is_ sulking. I have been trying to get him to just…I don't know…_some_thing for the past three weeks but he just…just…_won't!_" by now Al was practically shaking with frustration, hands waving wildly in the air and the older man had to sympathize. It was difficult to say the least, being on the receiving end of Ed's stubbornness. Rubbing a hand over his face, he glanced towards the window.

"Alright, I'll drop by later and see if he'll let me talk to him," he'd have to wait as the younger alchemist had been willingly stolen away by Hughes to help the Lt. Colonel file reports like he did at the end of every couple months. Usually those kinds of chores sent the kid running the other way but today the Colonel had been about to call him into his office, feigning a new case when Hughes had walked in, asking for volunteers. Everyone had been shocked when Ed took one look at his superior officer watching him from the door of his office and practically dragged the Lt. Colonel back to his own office. The dark haired Colonel was still pissed about that one. But the chore was time consuming (he would know, Maes had managed to sucker him into it a few times) and the kid probably wouldn't return back to his apartment until nearly dinner time. If Al's face could light up, it would have positively glowed.

"Thank you, Colonel!" and he had to pause at the sight of a hulking seven-foot-tall suit of armor running from the office excitedly like…well, like a fifteen year old boy. At least someone was happy because he knew Ed wasn't going to be. The thought stung somewhat. It wasn't like he had been mad at the boy. As a matter of fact, he had done everything in his power to assure the kid everything was fine. Which it had been. Until he walked out.

Now that he thought about it, Roy really had no idea what he was going to say to the kid and the words didn't come to him as the rest of the day slipped away. Before he realized it, he was making his way through the parking lot to his car and his mind was still a perfectly clean slate. Sure, he wanted Ed to come back with him, to stay with him like he had been before but the arrangement wasn't supposed to have been permanent. At least, he that was the impression he was under. Yet, then again, it had never been stipulated when or if the blond would be leaving. The entire thing had been entirely open ended. What could he possibly say? That he wanted the boy to come live with him, and this time for good? It sounded nice in his head and as far as he was concerned, they were both rather attached to each other. But the younger alchemist was only sixteen; it was entirely possible that he didn't want to move in with a man more than ten years older than him. And what about Al? The poor kid couldn't live by himself, though the Colonel would be more than willing to put him up as well. He had always been a little uneasy about the two of them on their own, even if they really did get along just fine. Still, the thought of having two house mates was actually rather appealing. Over the years, he had become used to coming home to the cold and the silence of an empty house. And then Ed had come along and turned his whole world on its head.

The dark haired alchemist sighed loudly before starting his car up with a low rumble and then gave it up for hopeless. There was nothing for it; he would just have to tell the kid the truth, including the whole world-toppling-on-its-head thing. If only things were that easy.

**

"R-Roy!" the boy looked nervous, half out of his chair that he had been lounging in when the older man walked through the door. Had his eyes always been that stunning color of marigold? They must have been but for some reason, with the entirety of their intensity pinned on him after three weeks of sliding away from his own dark gaze, he found he wasn't quite sure, "What are you doing here?" the warm tenor sounded a bit strangled, like the kid wanted to do nothing but bolt but had found his escape route effectively cut off. Roy felt the weight of all the things he needed to say pressing against his chest and nearly choked on them.

"Your brother let me in," he started and was cut off by Ed's flat-eyed stare, mouth turning down at the corners in displeasure.

"Of course he did, the traitor," but the words where more grumpy than angry so the older man ploughed on.

"I came to see how you were doing," he finally managed, keeping his voice smooth and flat. There was a disbelieving look in those wide eyes but he paid it no heed. The blond couldn't escape now, not this time, "I've been trying to ask for weeks but you keep avoiding me," the younger alchemist plopped back into his chair and ruffled his hair with his hands. Roy wondered when the kid had started putting it back in the short braids again.

"Yeah, sorry about that," and he did sound somewhat apologetic but the wide gaze wouldn't meet his own so he knew Ed wanted to say something else. Maybe he was having the same problem with getting the language to cooperate properly too, "I…um…I just kinda felt really bad, that's all," but the Colonel knew that wasn't all, not by a long shot. A familiar wave of frustration overtook him for a moment before he forcefully shoved it down.

"Look, Fullmetal. If this is about you hitting me, I already told you it's no big deal. It healed fine and while I may have looked rather unflattering for a while, it's nothing to get—" but Ed bit his lip before cutting him off.

"But it _is_ a big deal, Roy. You might be fine now but the fact remains that I still hurt you! I told you, I nearly split your fucking head with my automail! How do I know I won't do it again? How can _you_ be comfortable with that?!" he was clearly distressed but at least he was looking at Roy again, eyes wide and pleading with him to understand. And he did but it just wasn't a good enough excuse. If Ed wanted this as much as he did, a little thing like this wasn't even worth mention.

"Because I trust you," he said simply, deciding that beating around the bush wouldn't get anything at all accomplished. The bright gaze widened further, locking with his own as the kid stilled, staring at him. There was a hunger warring with the doubt on the sharp, pretty features, like he wanted to believe the Colonel but wasn't sure if he should, "I know that you wouldn't really hurt me and I know that you're still working through some things. But I thought that we were making a pretty good go of it," the kid seemed to be frozen, trapped by his words, the full lips parted as he drank in the positive hope the older man spoke. Held in place by unspoken desires, neither of them moved for the breath of a half a minute. Or was it longer?

"What are you saying?" the blond finally breathed and, oh, that hope was going to rip him apart. Roy took a step into the room, wanting to be closer to that raging inferno that burned within the golden eyes.

"I'm saying that I want you to come back. And not until you think you're healed or when the nightmares stop. For good," those two words came out lower than he intended but the way the blond was looking at him, dumbfounded and shining so brightly he thought he would be blinking sun spots from his eyes for hours. When the thick eyelashes fell to hide away all that brilliant color, he forgot, for a moment, how it was to breathe.

"I…but…Al…I mean, where's he…" Roy took another step closer only to be arrested again when the younger man looked at him. He couldn't smile and his confidence lay around him in battered pieces. The way his heart was thrumming so wildly within his chest, he thought it was getting ready to leap clean from his throat. Another step and he was almost close enough to touch, to run his fingers through the soft bangs falling about the blonde's face, fingers itching to be buried in that silky hair.

"As you well know my house has more than enough bedrooms to accommodate you both. I would not think to separate you, of course…" and then he faltered and it was his turn to look away, "But…I would like it if you both came to stay with me…its rather lonely there, without you," his statement, spoken in barely a whisper, was only the surface of the depth of his reasons for asking the blond to come back but it would suffice for now. Ed was looking at him with an unreadable look he had come to understand was the expression he wore when he was thinking. The boy opened his mouth several times only to rethink what he was going to say. Finally, after Roy thought his nerves would snap from anxiety, the younger alchemist looked away, a fine blush working over his cheeks.

"Would it make things awkward for you if you knew I liked you?" the kid finally blurted, face now cherry red and he blinked his dark eyes in confusion. Ed caught the look and swallowed hard before squirming in his seat. All in all, it was rather endearing, "I mean, _like_ like you," and then he realized what the blond was really saying and almost laughed out loud. He supposed he shouldn't have expected anything different, seeing as Ed was still a sixteen year old boy. Taking the last step to the chair, Roy finally slipped his hand into the golden fall of hair and nearly sighed in satisfaction. This, he had missed. The younger man's eyes slipped closed and he loved that small little smile that curled at the corners of the full mouth.

"I know, Ed," he said around a grin, continuing to card his fingers through the younger alchemist's hair, "I've known for a while," there was a pause before the gold eyes were pinning him again, cynical and assessing.

"You know," he just nodded and froze a second later when his hand was caught, slim fingers tangling with his own. If the gold gaze got any brighter, he would burn in its wake, "Well, then you wouldn't mind kissing me, would you?" that had not been what he was expecting and by the way the furious blush returned ten-fold, it had taken a lot of courage for the kid to even ask. Shaking his head and licking suddenly dry lips, he bent down, feeling like he was being enveloped by the light of the sun before pressing his mouth to Ed's up turned lips.

A shock fizzled through his veins at the first touch, so soft, so warm, the brilliance moving through him until the entirety of his world consisted of Ed. It wasn't a very good kiss, made awkward from the angle at which they met and a little fumbling on Ed's part but that, he realized, was what made it so breathtakingly perfect. They parted for a very swift gasp of air before he slanted his mouth back over the blonde's and kissed him, again, and again, drinking in his fiery taste and the small sound he made when they both parted their lips, slick, hot skin sliding together. And he was inside, licking, tasting, knowing he would never want to kiss anyone else ever again.

When they finally parted, he realized his hands had completely knocked Ed's braid askew and the mismatched fingers were sure to leave bruises on his shoulders, all the while breathing each other's air for neither seemed to want to stray very far. The gold eyes were glittering and surprisingly soft when they slid open, bearing into his own onyx gaze. Ed's crooked smile brushed against his own lips, tasting like sunlight.

"Yes, me and my traitorous little brother would love to come live with you. Right after I go kick Al's ass," and Roy's laugh felt as if it had come from the very depths of his heart.

_**...To be continued**_

_**Eh, I wasn't going to have them kiss yet but I decided what the hell. hope everyone enjoyed!  
**_


	7. Of Happy Departures

**A/N: *grovels on the floor* I am sooooooo sorry for making everyone wait so long for this next chapter. The only excuse I have to offer is that I haven't been feeling very well and I just couldn't focus on writing. Pitiful, I know but I did try. Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's little choppy, sorry about that but its at a transition point which are always a bit awkward. I hope the next update will be more prompt *scratches back of head sheepishly* I ADORE you all for being so nice and giving me such wonderful feedback. *hands out rib crushing bear-hugs through the screen* well, I would if I could ;P So, this story is for malfoysdaughter, because she is just amazing and awesome and all that nice stuff. Enjoy!

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_The feeling of giddy happiness crept up on him slowly, that so that first, he barely even knew how to register what had happened. Of course he was thrilled, excited, downright _ecstatic_ that the man seemed to share at least some of his feelings. Enough for him to lean down and kiss Ed so well his toes had curled and then look at him with such warmth in his eyes, he thought he would melt into it. It was a feeling he had never thought he would be given a chance to feel because for someone like him, it was just too good, too pure, too wonderful. _

_There was still a part of his mind that rebelled against the thought that someone like Roy, handsome, intelligent, exasperating, suave, and perfect could want someone like him who was broken, incomplete and dirty. But there was a bigger part of him that wanted to believe in the gentle compassion and deeper affection he saw in the slanted onyx gaze. So, for a moment, he sunk into the feeling of the older man's presence pressing down into him, seeping into his skin so that everything became soft around the edges, letting him forget…_

_He knew it would still take a lot longer before he could be truly intimate with the Colonel, though at the same time, he couldn't have allowed even the simplicity of a kiss to anyone else. Roy had worked hard to earn his trust and everything he had done over the past few months for the younger alchemist, Ed would give him all that he could in return. But, really, if he stopped to think about it, the men who had…well, they had never been interested in something such as a kiss. They only times they had really put their mouths on him was to bite him and tear painfully at his skin. It was good to know not everything had been ruined for him. _

_And Roy was a _really_ good kisser._

_It made the blond feel completely inadequate when he accidently bumped his nose into the older man's but Roy didn't seem to mind. He just slid his lips against Ed's, tasting of black currants and something warm, like honey left sitting in the sun. The kiss didn't last long but it had a way of curling around his heart so that it beat anxiously against his sternum and sucked away his breath. But most of all was the quiet desire he found in the pale features when they broke apart. Desire for _him.

_The deep taste lingered in his mouth for the rest of the night. _

Moving the brothers from their tiny apartment was more of a task then he expected it to be.

Somehow he shouldn't have been surprised that Ed was not only rather sloppy but he _hoarded_ books, cramming them into every nook and cranny of the small space as all the shelves the boys had put up were long since filled. There were even some stashed on top of the cabinets in the kitchen and behind the door in the bathroom. They were the most difficult things to remove and transport as they had a limited amount of boxes and had to pack them as full as they could with the heavy, hard bound books. When he had looked beseechingly at the blond after the third trip, sweat making his hair stick to his forehead, hoping that perhaps they could get rid of some of the books so that way they didn't invade his house, the kid had looked at him with wide, scandalized eyes.

"No! We can't get _rid_ of any of them! You never know when one might come in handy! I mean, I know they won't all fit in your bookshelves but you have attic space, right?" and just like that the problem was solved because he did indeed have space in his attic. Even more, he didn't want to disappoint his house guest (or have listen to his whining as he was sure to do if any of his precious books were discarded) so they, with the invaluable help of Al's tireless body, had the last of the books put away by the time the sun was dipping from the sky. It was a good thing they didn't have to work on Sundays because it had taken them all day but despite the aches in the muscles he wasn't used to using and how his back gave a painful twinge every time he bent down, he couldn't deny sense of accomplishment he felt. There was one time when he would have been reluctant to have his solitude encroached upon but that was a long time past. As he watched Ed and Al bicker over several boxes that hadn't been labeled properly, he couldn't help but smile. It would be a breath of fresh air to have both boys staying with him, monstrous collection of books and all.

Plus, it turned out that Al was an excellent cook, which was rather surprising he mused as he watched the large suit of armor hover over the stove. He wouldn't have thought so as his metal body seemed like it would be too ungainly and awkward in a place such as the kitchen but the boy certainly managed just fine. And when Roy asked if he could help, the kid just turned to him and said,

"But you're letting us live here! It's the least I could do," Ed had made a small notice from his spot where he was slumped over the table, gold eyes fastened on the pots with hungry interest. He had been reading but like the older man, had been distracted by the mouth watering smells coming from said pots. If the food tasted as good as it smelled he certainly wasn't going to complain. Which it did. Actually, it tasted _better_ than it smelled, prompting him to rummage through one of his cupboards and finally pulling out a long, green bottle he had been saving.

"I think this calls for a celebration then ," he grinned as he carried the bottle over to the table, watching in amusement as Ed's entire face lit up, "For you two losing that stuffy apartment," here he ignored the indignant "hey!" and Al's giggle as he continued, "and for me gaining two new house guests!" White bubbles poured over the thin neck of the bottle and cascaded between his fingers before he snatched two cups so he could pour some out.

"Alright! Champagne!" the blond cried as Roy handed him a glass and the Colonel couldn't help but bark a laugh. Like he would serve a minor alcohol; especially this particular minor. Snickering, his dark eyes glittered in mirth when the younger alchemist took a sip then frowned.

"It's non-alcoholic, Ed," he said in a voice that spoke of long-suffered patience and the way the kid's face fell had both him and Al chuckling for the rest of the evening. Well, that is, until the blond screamed at them that to stop implying he was so short that he couldn't be seen through a microscope and thus couldn't enjoy alcohol (that one was new) and stormed away. Though he wasn't too pleased that the kid was now pissed at him, he couldn't help but smile at the sudden relief that washed over him. It was the first time the boy had yelled at anyone for a wrongly perceived insult about his height since they had pulled him from that warehouse building and he hadn't realized how much he had missed it. Teasing the kid had always been a particular pastime of his but it was always much better when the blond saw insults in words when there wasn't any. Slowly but surely Ed was becoming himself again, pushing the shadows back and while he would be a fool not to see that they still lingered behind that gaze of purest gold, it was better than it had ever been.

Roy was just happy to have the kid back with him and not so he could continue offering the blond a place away from the darkness, though that was part of it. He had found that in falling in love with Ed, all he really needed was the boy there, with him. That was all. It was the most gratifying feeling to have it fulfilled.

Of course, living with the two Elric brothers did present its own set of…challenges.

The very first night, after they had pretty much situated the two boys in the bedrooms they had chosen (Ed in the same guest room he had before that was down the hall from Roy's and Al downstairs next to the den) the dark haired man had just about dozed off when his bedroom door opened and a sliver of moonlight caught on bright blond hair. Something had changed between him and the younger alchemist since he had kissed the boy earlier on in the week, which was nothing more than expected, and it seemed to have made Ed just a little more shy around him when they were alone. It was cute, really and he wanted to do nothing more than sweep the kid off his feet and kiss every little part of him, including his automail limbs. But there was a time and place for that kind of thing and it wasn't now. Still, he couldn't completely ignore the heated little flutter that danced along his spine as the younger alchemist lingered in the shadows by the door, shifting from foot to foot in nervousness.

"Are you awake?" he called in a rough whisper and the older man chuckled, already moving over to make room for the blond. It was a big bed and he trusted himself enough not to do anything stupid.

"I am now," there was a pause in which he could feel the kid studying him, even if he could not see the particular expression in the wide gaze before Ed made a small sound he couldn't decipher and was climbing onto the mattress with nothing more than a grunted,

"Good," it was such an Ed thing to do that he had a hard time not laughing, watching in the dim light as the younger alchemist snatched a pillow and flopped down onto the bed, his shoulders nearly covering his ears. Whether he was nervous or not Roy couldn't really tell but he was sure that the blond was blushing violently. Too bad it was dark; embarrassment always turned the tawny cheeks a lovely rosey hue that he thought was a shame he would have to miss. It remained completely silent as he too snuggled down into the warmth of the downy comforter, nearly weightless with the feeling of once again having the younger man beside him. Even knowing he would never get to sleep that night, he grinned into his own pillow and discreetly watched the rise and fall of the slender chest under the same blankets. He had already known it was going to be a long, frustrating road before he and Ed could sate their desires in one another but that was perfectly fine as long as the blond didn't leave again.

"You asleep yet?" the husky tenor finally broke through the darkness as the mattress shifted when the kid rolled onto his side so he was facing the older man. Roy turned his head, hair falling into his eyes and thought he caught the faint gleam of silvery automail. This was a game they had taken to playing before falling asleep, seeing if they could catch the other dozing off and then saying the craziest thing they could think of before uttering a chipper goodnight and flipping over to discourage any forthcoming retorts. Once they had gone until nearly three in the morning in which he discovered the teen was practically giddy when he was over tired. Needless to say, not much paper work got done the next day.

"That would be a little difficult when you keep waking me up," he groused good naturedly but instead of the normal snappy return, Ed remained quiet and staring at the ceiling. Finally Roy hoisted himself up onto one elbow, looking across the several feet of space he had left between them, "This there something wrong?" and he thought of all the things the kid could have said, from doubts about moving in permanently with the Colonel to the darker fears that lurked in his mind that he usually didn't give much voice to.

"Nah. Just…" a slim hand waved in the air as if the motion could gather up the words he was looking for from the very air, "it was really nice of you, letting both of us move in here," the words were soft but he caught a tone of disbelief tucked behind the roundabout expression of gratitude.

"Are you suggesting that I'm not normally nice?" he teased back, striving for a lighter atmosphere but the dim, silvery light barely caught the tenuous smile in the sharp features of the younger alchemist before it disappeared again.

"You know that's not what I mean. It's just…I mean, I understand why you would do it for me; I've been living here for a while now anyway and honestly, I feel much better here but…you're letting Al stay too. I know he's low maintenance and stuff but this is kinda a big deal. Don't you mind, just a little, having two teenage boys taking up your personal space?" It made him wonder, after a speech like that, how many other people _hadn't _accepted the two brothers that the blond would speak in such a desolate voice. The older alchemist stared at the shadowed profile for a moment, trying to think of the best way to approach his response without saying something thoughtless.

"Well, for one thing, I could hardly think to split you and your brother apart and you really do need somewhere else other than that tiny place you called an apartment," there was a sniff at this but he kept talking when Ed remained still, "as for why you came here in the first place, I thought that was obvious," his heart gave a little skip as the words stumbled past his lips and he waited with baited breath, barely allowing himself to hope for…_some_thing. Finally the blond head turned towards him again, loose strands of gold spreading across the bed.

"I thought it was so I wouldn't relapse," and he had to roll his eyes at the mule-headedness of the denial the kid was putting himself through. He reached out and slipped his fingers into the thick, silky mass of hair, stretching so he could reach and hoped the younger alchemist could see his smile through the shadows.

"That's one reason," he responded softly, thinking back to their single shared kiss and wishing for a moment he would be allowed that passion once more so he could drown in it when he dreamt. There was a stillness then that had them both holding their breath and he realized this was the first time in his life that he felt so unsure about a romantic pursuit. Of course, his confusion probably stemmed from the fact that Ed was both a boy and unlike anyone he had ever met before but the fact remained that he was unsure. When a warm hand pulled his own from the gold strands, he thought for a moment he had scared the kid off. But no…

"I want…I want to be closer to you…here," there was a rough clearing of a throat and he could almost feel the blonde's blush through his hand, "and I hope I'm not making things uncomfortable or awkward for you," Roy made a sharp sound but before he could say anything, Ed started talking again, "but I'm not…I can't. Not yet. Is it alright if we just…" and instead of saying it, he twined his fingers around the older man's and clutched it to his chest. The strong, somewhat rushed heartbeat tapped against the back of his hand and he felt the steady thrum of contentment curling around his limbs. It was such a strange thing they had between them, still innocent and new, based off of healing scars and trust but it was deep, tying them together so that he was sure that neither could be parted from the other without some kind of negative consequence. Something that had already been proven, in fact. With the warmth of Ed's palm radiating against his own, he was perfectly content to let things happen as they did rather than pushing for more, "Is this okay?" and he smiled in the darkness.

"This is perfect, Ed,"

**

Of course, not everything was rainbows and butterflies.

Nearly two weeks after the brothers had started staying with him, there was a really bad storm that shut down the power of nearly half the city in the middle of the night, tearing limbs from trees and debris being flung around to litter the roads and yards. Rain fell from the sky in nearly horizontal torrents, making it impossible for anyone to leave the house and he watched in dismay as the wind ripped at his favorite oak in the front yard, callously stripping it of its nearly bare branches. Seeing his distress, Ed had crawled onto the window seat next to him as if they were sitting vigil, laying his head against the older man's shoulder. So far, their touches had remained mostly innocent and sweet, usually initiated by the blond who seemed to be craving human contact after going to long cringing from it but he still shied away from roaming hands, even if it was on his waist and didn't like the Colonel hovering over him. So he had respected that, keeping to fleeting contact and swift kisses given to cheeks, foreheads or noses.

"It'll be okay as long as it's not split to its core," Ed's voice was a point of comfort, warm and deeper than normal, like a soothing spoonful of honey, "I read that they can survive as long as they aren't cut in half or a major limb breaks off at its base and exposes the inner rings," even as he watched said tree getting blown around mercilessly, he had to smile at the seemingly bottomless well of information the younger alchemist was. If he didn't know better, he would think the kid a complete and total book nerd. He was just about to hum a response when there was a muffled crash from the den and a plaintive mewl. _Mewl?_

"What the heck was _that_?" Ed growled as they whipped around, staring at the doorway.

_That_ turned out to be Al standing awkwardly in the foyer dripping wet and looking somewhat contrite. The crash had come from the umbrella stand in the corner being knocked to the floor but he was more astounded at the sight of the boy who had knocked it over. The older man blinked as he watched rain water forming rivulets on the tile and the tall suit of armor trying to coax a shivering ball of dripping fur back into the gap where he had lifted the visor up. Ed came up behind the older man, eyes wide only to sigh in exasperation, the sound making Al squeak as he realized he had been found out.

"Al, _what_ are you doing? How many times do I have to tell you _no_?" so this was not the first time this had happened, he thought, amused as he leaned against the doorway, watching silently. The little fuzz ball clutched carefully in the big, leather hands mewled plaintively again then sneezed, entire body shivering and he eyed the little kitten with some amusement. He had owned a cat once and was actually quite fond of them but the way Ed was glaring at his younger brother, hands on his hips, said that he didn't share the same affection.

"But, nii-san! It's pouring rain and it was really cold! I couldn't just leave it there! It would have gotten washed away if it didn't die from exposure!" his high tenor sounded a little shrill as it echoed in the hollow armor and the older man felt a rush of warmth as the boy cradled the freezing cat to his chest, looking as if he would be making the biggest pleading eyes at the blond if he could. Ed shot the Colonel a glance, face unsure before looking at the little orange kitten again.

"But, this isn't our house…" he had started to say when Roy gently placed a hand on his shoulder, looking down at the younger alchemist with a smile.

"That's alright. He can keep it if he wants. This house is more than big enough," and it had nothing to do with the fact that he secretly thought the little thing was really cute. Ed was grumbling under his breath as Al gasped a delighted,

"Really!?! Oh, thank you, Colonel!" when there was another mewl, this one louder and more echoing than the first. Al froze as he was pinned with two identical stares which went from him to the kitten in his hands then back again. There was a short silence before it came again, the timbre of it different from the first. And it wasn't coming from the orange kitten the younger boy was holding.

"Alphonse," the blonde's voice was stern as he addressed the other boy who looked like he had been caught red handed, "Just how many cats do you have in there?" which made the younger Elric seem to panic just a bit.

"Um…well…like…twenty-s-six…?" the entire house was filled with only the sound of howling wind for long moments as they both stared at the hulking armor in disbelief before Ed shattered it with a screech.

"ALPHONSE!!!!!"

Obviously they couldn't keep them all and once the storm blew itself out (thankfully sparing his tree) they rounded most of them up and brought them to a shelter, Ed grumbling about how they had to save the entirety of Central's cats. Still, it made the Colonel feel better that they would be given a home that would keep them safe and dry. They did end up keeping two; Al a grey seal point with great big blue eyes that loved to tear around the den which they had been using to keep them in, kicking up mischief wherever he went and Roy a little yellowish-orange thing with giant golden eyes that had immediately reminded him of Ed. She already had promise to grow into a beautiful long-haired adult whose personality was calm and sedate even as a kitten with a sadistic streak that was rather amusing. The younger alchemist eyed her with mistrust as she had already scratched him but Roy had just laughed as she purred away in his arms, leaning down to give the boy a kiss at the corner of his mouth.

"I'm sure you'll be best friends in no time," he had soothed, pleasantly surprised when the blond pulled him back down for a full on kiss that blazed through his body like shining fireworks before the kid was swatted away by annoyed cat.

"Yeah, if she doesn't kill me first," and the gold gazes had clashed, the younger man glaring at the cat. Giddy with the warm taste of Ed on his lips, he had laughed as he let the kitten leap from his arms only to wrap them around the boy's shoulders.

"No need to be jealous, Edward," he crooned, getting a delight from the way the boy had shivered as his breath ghosted over his ear and how his slender frame seemed to melt into Roy's broader one, "There's plenty of me to go around," the blond had huffed and turned the caustic glare on the dark haired man, shoving him away.

"I'm not jealous of a _cat_," he had hissed but there had been the truth smoldering on his face that stated just the opposite, leaving a tickling warmth in his belly. Though it was a bit amusing that the kid was indeed jealous of a cat, the fact remained that the feeling was reserved _for _Roy. It meant that perhaps he wouldn't have to wait as long has he thought and when Ed kissed him before bed that night, stupid, flaring hope accompanied him into his dreams. He knew that he would still have to wait and rein in his desire but it was encouraging that it was happing sooner rather than later.

Unfortunately, the little bubble he had found himself floating in was popped by the ringing of his phone during dinner two nights later. Somewhat annoyed and completely unsuspecting, he got up, ready to growl at whoever it was to call back later when Hughes's voice greeted him from the other end.

"_I'm sorry to bother you,"_ the man had said, voice deep and serious as the sounds of Ed and his brother bickering filled his unoccupied ear, causing his good mood to deflate a little,_ "but I thought you would want to know as soon as I found out,"_ that tone never boded well and the Colonel turned his back when the blond sitting at the kitchen table shot him a curious look.

"What is it, Hughes," he demanded in a soft voice and nearly dropped the phone at the response.

"_There has been a major lead in the case that I have been working on for the past few weeks…we may have found the men who were responsible for kidnapping Ed and Alphonse," _he had looked over at the young alchemist, gesturing wildly with the fork in his hand and grinning as he spoke to his brother before swallowing around the sudden lump in the throat. There were no shadows there, no fear, no pain and he was terrified that should Ed find out, the darkness would come tumbling back and he would lose the boy for good.

Just like that the bubble was gone…

_**...To be continued**_

_**Oh dear!!! do I hear....dun, dun, duuunnnnn  
**_


	8. Something Amiss

**A/N: I can't even begin to tell you all how sorry I am at how long it took for me to write this chapter. Apparently the whole not feeling well that i mentioned last time was a pre-courser to getting really sick, complete with a raging fever and flu-like symptoms that kept me in bed for two days. And then the meds the doctor put me on must have done something really odd because I couldn't write. Like, at all. It was like they blocked the flow of words from getting to my hands. So, I'm very very sorry and I am feeling much better so hopefully I'll be updating regularly again. I admit there is some rather contrived plot in this chapter but it was the best i could do. Usually I plan out my stories but this one resisted an outline so I'm kind making it up as i go. Hopefully it works, hehe. Thank you all again for your wonderful support, I hope that you continue to enjoy my story. For malfoysdaughter.

* * *

**

_Something was amiss. _

_Al had been acting a little strange for a while now but Ed put that down to the stress that came with changes such as the ones they had to adapt to recently. Usually the younger boy was better with handling such things then most adults they knew but recently he began to notice his little brother acting more and more out of character. He might not have worried because it wasn't like the boy had changed drastically or had fallen into a depression. It was more subtle than that but after living with him for a long as he had, he could tell when the younger male's personality tripped, so to speak. _

_Interestingly enough, it happened the most on the days the boy accompanied him to headquarters. Typically Al was gentle and easy going but he had never been shy. With a brother like Ed, it would have been hard for him to remain so for long, especially living in a suit of armor that attracted as much attention as it did. But when they were around the office, the younger boy tended to be positively reclusive, barely saying two words sometimes for the entire day. It was just…_odd_. Being what he was, a soul bound to an inanimate object, Al couldn't have anything such as facial expressions but Ed had come to read his body langue well enough that he almost didn't need them. And from what he could see, during the times they were at work, he was almost constantly flustered. That was something his younger brother was more prone to but usually he had a pretty good reason for it. As of late, it was just always there, making the poor boy seem even more awkward and painfully innocent. Which he wasn't. Despite his appearance, Al wasn't innocent; not after what they had been through. _

_When he decided to question Roy about it, night had already fallen and they were crowded onto the man's small couch, his head pillowed on the Colonel's knees as they both read. He could see Al across the hall, scrunched up in the nook on the window seat, his large body making the space look much smaller than it actually was, staring out the window as he daydreamed. It had been distracting him for nearly an hour and he finally gave up on reading, dumping his book onto his stomach and raising the question to Roy. The dark gaze flickered to the younger boy across the hall who barely even noticed his little cat had just joined him and smirked that wild, sexy smirk of his, making Ed's blood race._

"_Come on, Fullmetal," the man teased as he looked down at the teen who was utilizing his lap as a pillow, "don't you recognize the signs of a crush?" and a long finger had traced along the curve of his eyebrow to ease the arching tone, making him want to melt just a little. Surprise flickered through him as he looked back at his brother, craning his neck at a strange angle. _

"_Really? Al?" he pondered this. It was entirely possible as he himself had fallen for Roy while he was more than a year younger than his brother was now but the thought had never once occurred to him, which made him feel slightly guilty. Just because Al didn't have a body made of flesh didn't mean he couldn't feel the echoes of desire. As a matter of fact, his way was almost better because it wasn't tainted in any way by hormones and lust. "Huh, I never really thought about that," he absentmindedly caught the older man's hand still ghosting over his face and wound it around his own, looking up in time to watch Roy's smirk soften into a smile that belonged all to him. His own grin was feral, "I wonder who the lucky person is?" but then he lost track of that mystery because the next moment the Colonel had drawn him up so he could kiss him. _

"...a strange occurrence with a State Alchemist Hann Wells they called the BloodRose Alchemist nearly five years ago," Hughes was on the other side of his desk, shuffling through the file he had come across in his search, booted feet propped up on the sturdy piece of furniture as if they were sitting in his own office instead of Roy's. After all these years, he gave up caring about things like that. Instead he listened to his friend talk, knowing there was a point to everything he was saying but just wishing he would make it already, "They called him that because his specialty was working with plants. At first, I think, it was just messing with the species and making flowers so that they didn't have to rely on sunlight and soil to live. The "blood" part came later, when he figured out how to infuse steel into the infrastructure of the plant to turn it into a weapon," Roy's eyebrows rose but he refrained from commenting, though it did sound a bit arduous. How could a flower be a handy weapon, especially in the middle of a fight? Instead he rubbed his fingers over his eyes, hard enough to see lazily spinning spots and sighed.

"That's all very fascinating but what does that have to do with Warehouse eleven?" they had started calling the case that because he didn't want either of the brothers to overhear their names being spoken and thus finding out what he was up to. Ed must know, on some level that he would never let it drop and while the boy hadn't asked him to, he had also wanted to know nothing about it. Bright green eyes looked at him over two shiny black toes before the man dropped his feet to the ground.

"I'm getting to that. Don't get you panties in a twist," the Colonel growled, eyebrow twitching but Hughes wouldn't let him express his irritation before he was speaking again, pretending he hadn't said anything remotely out of the ordinary. He supposed, for the Lt. Colonel, it _was_ normal, "Wells was a State Alchemist for nearly ten years before he was suddenly discharged and put in jail. The exact reason has been crossed out and I haven't been able to find out why but there was apparently a trial and everything," the information made him frown.

"But what makes you think he was involved with the Elrics getting kidnapped?" he asked, knowing the other man had a point because he always did. He might act like a bit of a moron, what with his fawning over his daughter as much as he did but there was a reason Hughes was assigned to the Intelligence department. A slight frown furrowed the space between the green eyes.

"Well, the circumstances of his arrest were a little strange. It wasn't like he had any outstanding records and he was completely loyal to the military but it seems some of his alchemical practices were morally questionable. Like I said, I have no idea of the details but I did find out it was one of his colleagues that turned him in. A young alchemist that had worked with him for a little time as an apprentice who was killed in a car wreck a few months into the Wells' sentence," it was an intriguing line of thought but he still couldn't see how that would link the Elrics to the BloodRose alchemist. If he were to hold a grudge that was strong enough to continue after the man who put him in jail had died, any young alchemist would fit the criteria. It would have been so much easier to go after someone who wasn't connected to the military.

"That's a very vague connection," he said into the creases of his folded hands, feeling a headache starting to worm its way into his skull. They had been looking for those responsible for months now and this was the first lead they had come up with. To say it was frustrating was an understatement and he was beginning to have trouble fielding Ed's questions when the kid started digging. It was obviously clear the older alchemist was stressed about something but he could hardly tell the blond the reality of it. Kissing the boy whenever he wanted was still a novel concept and he would probably break if something were to make the kid retreat back into his shell again.

"That's not the connection, though," Hughes was saying, some excitement entering his voice as he dug out another folder and set it on the desk so he could rifle through it. Roy was perfectly aware the other man had already memorized what was already on every one of those pages he had read but he watched in interest as his friend made a show of finding the right pages, "After being released only two years ago, he tried to come up with something new that would allow him to take the State Alchemist test. Again, the details are sketchy but from what I gather, they weren't even going to consider it until they saw his technique. Must have been something impressive because they made a panel of a couple well known alchemists to decide whether or not he could be considered," now he remembered. It hadn't happened all that long ago and it had been so uninteresting, he had forgotten all about it.

"Ed was on that panel because he was driving me insane for not having any more missions for him and I wanted to teach him a lesson," his voice was a little thin, wondering if it had been his own lack of patience that had started this whole thing.

"And it was Ed who apparently shot him down. The kid was too smart and had already seen Chimeras and the like. Apparently this was something along those lines. Of course, they would immediately reject something like that, what with the bad publicity from the Tucker incident," Roy was frowning now, staring at the stack of papers that needed addressing on his desk without really seeing them. It made a kind of sick sense, he supposed. He had seen what men would do for perceived power and to be shot down like that, especially by a boy like Ed had to have stung. But to have him kidnapped and held prisoner for weeks, raped, beaten and starved? Perhaps prison had softened the man's mind, driven him insane. It was difficult to believe they were thinking of granting a criminal the title of State Alchemist at all but then he remembered Kimbly and gritted his teeth.

"So this is a fucked up way of getting revenge for that?" he pondered, trying to stifle the ever present rage that tried to choke him whenever he thought about it. Hughes was rummaging again, features strained with his own form of anger and the Colonel knew that his friend was nearly as enraged by the treatment of the two boys as he was. In fact, everyone who knew the brothers and knew what happened harbored some kind of fury along with the sympathy and the disbelief. How a fellow human being could think to defile such pure souls was unthinkable and was one of the reasons why so many people had volunteered to find out what really happened. Trust Hughes to be the one to find the trail. A picture was thrown on the desk and he picked it up to study it. It was of a tattoo, with bold, sweeping lines that formed a snake wrapped around the hilt of a sword, its single visible eye a burning crimson.

"It's the sign for one of Central's gangs, the Serpents'. It would seem Wells was deeply indebted to them after he did his stint in prison and becoming a State alchemist was solely so that he could pay them back. A rather flawed plan, considering but he almost succeeded," the words rang in Roy's head like a bell, echoing around and around as his dark eyes burned the image of the snake and the sword into his brain so he would never forget a single detail. Cold fury burned with icy flames around his heart as he silently swore justice.

"So they were used as payment instead," he whispered, half tempted to set his entire desk on fire, if only to ease some of the rage burning behind his eyes. It had been bad enough thinking someone just wanted to get their sick satisfaction from hurting the two boys but this…this was something else. To be pawned off as payment for something they had no knowledge of, for doing the right thing.

"Yes, I think that's exactly what happened," Hughes responded, voice like steel and their eyes met over the small stretch of the desk, seeing the same anger reflected in each other's gazes.

"Why the warehouse, you think?" he finally asked, afraid of the answer. If Ed had been used as payment for someone, then why had he been chained up in a warehouse? He should have been locked away by then as someone's prize, though Roy was glad he hadn't been because then he wasn't sure they ever would have found him. The very thought nearly made him ill, chained up in some strangers bed room being used for God knows what. Though, that's exactly what had happened, only worse. This time Hughes looked slightly ill.

"You know Ed," the deep voice was heavy and the green gaze glinted hard behind the thin glasses, making the room feel strangely cold, "I think they were trying to break him," Roy crumpled the picture in his hand, not noticing he was shaking.

"Well, it worked," when their eyes met again, a silent agreement had been struck between them. They would get the people who had done this and destroy them.

**

Ed was still trying to figure out who it was that Al seemed to have a crush on that night, watching his brother when he thought he wasn't looking with a calculating expression in his gold eyes. They had both witnessed the boy humming loudly as he prepared dinner that night and while neither of them had said anything, they had both shared looks of amusement. It was a lighthearted tone that helped him forget, for just a little while, the dark revelation that had been unearthed today and he was more than glad to relinquish that anger while he was in the blonde's presence. It had been a near thing, as the younger alchemist had come into his office right after Hughes put all the papers away and they had immediately started talking about Elysia, Roy putting more enthusiasm into it than he usually did. It had given the kid pause but he did no more than give the dark haired men strange looks before dumping a pile of reports onto Roy's desk. He could remember groaning rather loudly in protest.

"Surely you don't expect me to do all of that," he had practically whined and nearly got brained with a metal fist for his trouble. Still, it had eased the atmosphere and allowed the older men to breathe a little easier. It still terrified him to think he would lose Ed and knew anything related to the case would set them back at least a month. He didn't think he could stop the touches or deny the sweet, honey taste of the blond now that he had them. It would have been a helpful confirmation if they could get the kid to identify the tattoo but this would be one case they would have to go about solving in secret.

Now the blond was sitting beside him at the table, head cocked as he watched his brother while Roy tried to finish off some of the paper work he had been forced to bring home. It was true, Al's behavior was a little odd but the older man could easily recognize the signs of a crush, even if the boy's circumstance was a little…unique. What had amused him even more was Ed, who had been completely ignorant of it. It was strange to think he didn't know what the signs were as he had obviously had the same sort of feelings, considering how he felt about the Colonel. But now that he thought about it, he couldn't ever remember the blond exhibiting any sings that he had been attracted to Roy. Even thinking back, there was very little evidence. He had always just been Ed. The older man could tell the kid wasn't much of a romantic, though he was very pound to say that he was romantic enough for the two of them, but he had been blind before Al nearly knocked him over with the truth.

Admittedly, he wouldn't have it any other way. He put his pen down and watched the blond watch Al, smiling a little. He still looked very young, with a soft smattering of freckles dusting over his straight, narrow nose and his full lips curled up in a bemused grin. His hair was long again, brushing between his shoulder blades in a thick, shining rope and his slender frame had put on some height, standing even with the older man's collarbones now. But even for his shortness and his youth, he was the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on. No, despite everything, he would never wish for anything else. Maybe, in time, Ed would move on. After all, Roy was more than ten years older than him and the kid would still be in his prime while the Colonel would be considered old but for him, he wouldn't need anything more.

As if he could feel his eyes on him, the gold gaze shifted, lighting up and shining with mischief. Instantly wondering what the younger alchemist was up to, he got up and followed when Ed waved him from the room. Al didn't seem to notice their departure as he was too busy lost in whatever daydream he was entraining as he stirred something in a pot so that when the blond burst into laughter in the hall, the other boy probably didn't even hear him.

"Holy shit!" the kid exclaimed as they paused in the hallway, leaning against the wall as he laughed, "I have never seen him that spaced out before! He's got it bad," and he sniggered some more, clearly thinking his younger brother being in love was quite hilarious. Roy leaned against the opposite wall, crossing his arms over his chest and allowing himself to get caught up in the humor of the whole situation.

"I'm sure Al wouldn't think it's too funny," he admonished, suppressing his own grin. Ed flashed him a look, sharp and assessing before snorting rudely.

"Believe me, he did his share of laughing when he realized I liked you," the admission still brought a small blush to the younger man's cheeks and it was delightfully adorable, making him wonder what else he could get the kid to say so the color could deepen, become that rich hue he was quite fond of, "and besides, I never acted like _that_!" and he chortled some more, shaking his head slightly. The older man lifted one dark eye brow, wondering if he should be a little put off that the boy had never actively mooned after him. He supposed he wouldn't be Ed if he had but still, it would have been kind of nice. Especially since Roy_ knows_ he had his fair share of longing daydreams starring the boy now standing in front of him in the shadowed hall.

"Indeed. No humming or distant looks from Edward Elric," he mocked, getting another sharp glare that never failed to make his blood run just a little hotter. Ed really had no idea just how gorgeous he looked when he was wearing that particular expression. It was even better when he was furious, something Roy happily got to see often. Not that he did it intentionally. Of course. "Tell me. How did you pine away? Or is that not a manly enough term for you?" the gold eyes flashed dangerously and he swallowed a laugh, seeing the famous temper beginning to flare.

"That's none of your business, you bastard. You just must not be worthy of daydreams and all that stupid mushy stuff," the words sounded like he was very confident with his answer but the wide gaze had wandered off to gaze at a space near the Colonel's hip and there was a telling blush flaring over Ed's face again. The older man knew for a fact just how good he looked and had a feeling that was what had drawn the boy in the first place but he didn't want to make the younger alchemist angry. Instead, he grinned widely, like he thought a cat might do once their prey was cornered and leaned further against the wall, arranging himself so that Ed would just have to look. It had never failed before.

"Really, now. That's a bit surprising to hear. Are you saying you never once had a fantasy about me?" the way the flush turned from dusky pink to flaring red told him everything, deepening when the gold gaze slid over to where he was standing. Ed opened his mouth to say something only to close it a second later, fiddling nervously with the end of his shirt. He wanted to deny it, the older man could see it on his face but he didn't. Fascinated, he watched the way the blonde's tongue ran over his bottom lip as if he was suddenly parched and was nearly over come with a wave of desire, sweeping through his body like a storm. Just like that everything was that much less amusing.

Roy pushed away from the wall and reached out to catch the sharp chin with his hand, making Ed look at him. There was a breathless moment that stretched between them, hovering over their heads like something delicate that was about to shatter, letting himself get swallowed by the swirling color of marigolds before he closed the distance between them, capturing the blonde's lips in a hard kiss. There was a little noise that sounded like a choked off word before slender hands slid into his hair, forcing him closer. He forgot to think as he slanted their heads, sliding his tongue into Ed's mouth and melting into the younger man. His bright taste fizzed along Roy's taste buds and he shivered at the slick feel as he explored the boy's mouth. It was deep and hot, quickly stealing his breath and his reason. They pressed into one another, desire burning like a living fire between them, loosening his voice so that he could acknowledge the boy's little half moans with ones of his own. It had been so hard to hold back, so hard to forget how easily this could break but right now he let himself get lost, touching, sharing, tasting.

There was a moment or two when they broke apart for breath and he could remember sweeping his tongue over the boy's chin so that he might catch the trail of saliva that had escaped. It had been a long time he had ever been like this with someone and the passion shone so bright he could barely see past it. So much so that he wasn't aware when something changed. By then he had the younger alchemist pressed into the wall, the slim frame molded into his own and his hands tangled in the bright hair, buried deep in its warm thickness. It wasn't until the hands that had been tangled in his own hair shoved him rather violently away that he realized he had crossed one of their many lines.

Panting, trying to bring some of the heat under control, he looked at the blond who was flushed and just as breathless, bright head bowed so that he couldn't see his face. Kicking himself for being an idiot, he refrained from reaching out and touching the boy like he wanted to and just straightened his own appearance, hoping that his rather painful erection would ease in a few moments.

"I'm sorry, Ed. Are you alright? I got a little carried away," the kid seemed to huddle in on himself, looking miserable. But his response surprised Roy, easing his guilt just enough so that he wouldn't start cursing himself for being an animal. He was quite aware he had been pressing his hips into the kid but at the time, hadn't known how to stop.

"No, I'm sorry. It was really good and I want more but…" he bit his lip, looking like he was either going to scream in frustration or cry. Judging by the bulge in his own pants, he ventured to guess it was the former. Wishing he could hurt himself for being a bastard, he knelt in front of the boy and looked up under the bright bangs, slipping one hand around the slim waist. In this position, he wasn't a threat and Ed usually let him the extra contact as long as he knew he could overpower the older man.

"We'll get there, Ed. I'm sorry I pushed you, though I could blame it on you because half the time I don't even know what I'm doing anymore," that earned himself a shaky grin and he sighed in relief that the boy wasn't shying away from him. He knew pushing the blond against the wall was probably not the brightest of ideas and told himself next time they got carried away, they would have to be somewhere Ed felt safe. Undoubtedly, being trapped against a wall and an equally unmovable man was bound to fail. Slender, mismatched fingers slid into his hair and tilted his head back so that he was looking up at the younger alchemist from a sharp angle. His stomach fluttered at the grin he was being regarded with.

"That's good to know," the next thing he knew, he was sprawled on the floor with an enthusiastic blond alchemist straddling his chest and trying to kiss the life out of him. Hm. Well, that works too. He settled his hands on the narrow hips, fingers sliding under the material of the boy's shirt to glide over warm, smooth skin and just tilted his head back to let Ed have his way. It was hot and slow and perfect, casing away every last thought of darkness and that which had caused it. He had found bliss in the blonde's lips, his tongue as it slid against his own, his taste and his skin. It was no matter that neither of them wouldn't find relief from the ache that had coiled in their groins or that they couldn't yet satisfy the full extent of their passion as it raged through them. It was enough. They didn't do anything more than an intense round of kissing which, in hindsight, did absolutely nothing for their arousal but they didn't really need to. They needed each other in more ways than just this and it was not the physical that defined them. Still, when Ed finally pulled away, his lips red and swollen, the older man couldn't help the pang of disappointment as the boy's warmth dissipated.

"I think I love you," he whispered, tracing the shape of the blonde's face as he looked up at him from his spot on the floor. It was the first time he put into words, at least for Ed, what it was he felt for the boy. There was a short, heavy silence as they stared at one another before the blond nearly blinded him with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. Then he was sprawled on top of the dark haired Colonel, pressing kisses all over his face. It made the older man laugh, heat curling contently in his chest, and he didn't comment as the warm lips were joined by warmer tears, just pulling the boy back into another long, lazy kiss, wishing they could stay there like that forever.

Eventually Al called them in for dinner, finally breaking them from their tight embrace, but for the rest of the night, Ed never once lost his brilliant smile and Roy realized this was his way of dealing with his own crush. The thought made him grin as he curled his fingers through cool, jointed metal ones while they ate. No matter what might happen or how other people would react, his happiness was linked to Ed's and he could never, ever let him go.

**_...To be continued_**

**_awww, aren't they just so cute? And, like I said, the whole bit with the gang is a little contrived but it just kinda wrote itself. T_T  
_**


	9. Even This

**A/N: ku, ku, ku...well, I must say that while this took a lot longer that I had hoped to write, I think I'm pretty happy with it. As much as I write it, smut is actually really hard...no pun intended. Sorry, not quite the whole shebang yet but we're getting there. Actually, there's only two more chapters and an epilogue and then its done! Weee!! So, once again for all of my FANTABULOUS reviewers, I adore you all. If I reach, lets say, 125 reviews by the time this story is done, I have a side story for this that I might be convinced to write*wiggles eyebrows* Yes, I'm digging for reviews here, hahaha! I know, shameless. But wouldn't you all like to see Al get his own story too? oh, and yes, we do find out who his crush is in this! Okay, since I have bored you all enough, here is the next chapter.**

**Warning: A couple limey scenes, a botched blow-job and mentions of rape.

* * *

  
**

_While he appreciated that Roy was respecting his wishes and not telling him anything about the investigation he had going, Ed wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what was going on and he could see that it was beginning to strain on the man. In any other instance he would have readily offered his help but this time his mind kept slithering away from what it was the man was doing. And why. _

_The worst part was that he could see the lines more clearly in the past couple weeks framing the slanted eyes and curving around the mobile mouth but as much as he wanted to, he couldn't say anything. If Roy had given up the investigation, it would have made the blond much happier but he knew why the older man was doing it so he couldn't deny him that. It was just that he would get more pain than closure if he was to see justice for himself and his brother exacted. So he said nothing. _

_A deep shameful guilt settled over him, though, because it was his fault the Colonel was under such stress. It hurt to think that the man he loved, the man who loved him, was suffering because of him. _

_Ed raised his eyes from the book that was spread out on his lap and looked at the Colonel who was seated across the room. His dark hair spilled over his pale features and long, slim fingers were rubbing at his eyes. He wasn't saying anything, for which the blond was extremely grateful but the strain was obvious. After the older man had declared his true feelings a couple weeks ago, Ed had been trying his best to get over his fear of being touched the way he wanted to be. Which was a problem in itself because he _wanted_ it, sometimes so bad he was sure he would go insane with it but the panic would set in when they least expected. Roy was incredibly nice about it, sometimes to the point Ed wanted to hit him but he appreciated the man didn't push. He knew it had to be incredibly frustrating not to get the kind of satisfaction he needed all because of the blonde's hang up. _

_Sighing, he put the book to the side and padded across the room to settle on the dark haired man's lap. At the look of pleased surprise, he smiled softly. _

"_You look tired," slipping his own slender fingers into the dark hair, he gently massaged Roy's scalp like the older man had done for him so many times and watched the tension ease from the handsome features. Roy returned the smile, leaning back and closing his eyes to enjoy the younger alchemist's ministrations. _

"_Ahh, have I told you I love you yet today?" he breathed, leaning into the blonde's fingers and Ed had to grin, shifting so he could reach behind the older man's neck, rubbing away the tension. At the same time he leaned forward so that his lips hovered over the Colonel's._

"_You have now," and he kissed him._

For a moment he let the blond kiss him, content to just part his lips and let the younger alchemist in. Despite all of his hesitation and tendency to back out when they were half way through something, Ed came at all of their physical interactions with a zeal that often left the older man feeling somewhat dazed. He knew most of the time he was unable to escape without bruised lips and most often a stinging scalp where Ed had yanked on his hair. There was so much passion between them that it spilled over until they were both breathless and aching for more. It was okay that the _more_ was a little tamer than he might have wished but the younger alchemist's enthusiasm made up for it. For all of his prior experience, Roy was often surprised at how easily he was left nearly incoherent by the blond. What surprised him even more was how much he liked that feeling. Normally he would grasp at the mask of his cool confidence no matter how heated things might become but a few burning kisses from Ed would shatter every ounce of his carefully cultivated control and he wouldn't see it again for hours. It had always been the feeling he had associated with falling in love but before the blond, he had never even come close to experiencing it.

Someone moaned as the slick muscle mapping out the inside of his mouth glided along the sensitive ridges of his palate, the sound trickling down the back of his throat. It still amazed him how aroused he could get from a kiss. He hadn't even known it was possible but as their tongues tangled together delightfully, sending little sparks of heat fizzing through his veins, he couldn't ignore the way his pants had become uncomfortably tight. If he wasn't completely hard yet, he was well on his way to becoming so. Slender, mismatched hands wandered over his chest, his shoulders, sometimes carding through his hair but always warm, comforting. They blazed trails of heat through him wherever they touched, making the strain from the frustrating day slowly unwind.

Ed broke away with a little gasp, his body pressed against the older man's nearly humming and he wondered, through the haze that had settled over his mind, if perhaps today would be the day they would push through the ever present fear. Slowly, he opened his eyes, taking in the deep flush that glowed steadily on the tawny features and how the blond was biting his lip, uncertainty and desire swirling in the depths of his wide gaze. He could see what the boy wanted, could feel in it all the places where their bodies were connected, hands on skin, legs aligned, breath puffs of shared strength but all he did was slide his own hands suggestively down the blonde's back, following it to the sloping curve before stopping. As much as he wished he could, he wouldn't push, not a decision like this. Of course, they couldn't do anything particularly profound while Ed straddled his legs in the middle of the living room but it was another leap in a procession of small, creeping steps.

As soon as the decision was made, he watched as the uncertainty faded away before hands were in his hair again, forcing his head back so Ed could plunder his mouth. This time he was a little more active, sucking the boy's tongue into his mouth only to shiver when it caused the most tempting moan to tremble against their connection. The kiss sufficiently distracted him so that he didn't realize the blond was shifting his weight closer until their hips collided, sending a thrill of pleasure to shoot up his spine. It made the younger alchemist gasp into the dark haired man's mouth, stealing all of his air and making his heart flutter. Shit, if just rubbing against one another on the couch was this intense, what the heck would he do when they finally got to the point of having sex? Ed rocked forward again and again, the hard bulge in his pants grinding against Roy's erection until they were both panting, needy messes.

"Ah! Fucking hell…" hot breath misted in his ear as the blond moved against him and he had to agree. Heat spiraled out from his gut, making him groan with each rolling connection and it reminded him of a storm, building fierce and fast. Pale hands rode up the slender, flexing thighs and he cupped Ed's buttocks, forcing him closer, harder and the action had identical groans ripping from their throats, filling the otherwise silent room. They shared another kiss, this one sloppy and wet but neither really cared because they were both getting to the point where there was no returning. He could feel it already, soaking steadily through his boxers and when his hands wandered to grip the inside of the blonde's leg, he could feel the same wetness spreading there too. Words of praise and delight, always broken and breathless spilled between them until neither were coherent enough to be able to form them, resorting to long moans and bitten off exclamations of each other's names. And they moved together, gripping each other tightly as the pleasure wound higher, _higher._

It was there, at that turning point where they both started to lose sight of the world around them, foreheads pressed together as sweat began to darken their hair when the door slammed open and Al came skidding into the room. The force of his denied orgasm almost _hurt_ as they both froze, staring at the giant suit of armor in the doorway. For a long moment all that could be heard was the sound of their harsh breathing as they tried to get themselves under control before the younger boy made a strangled noise that sounded like a short "meep!"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were both in here, please forgive me!" and just like that he was gone again, the string of his words effectively cutting between him and the blond alchemist. They stared at one another, Ed the taller from his perch in the Colonel's lap, bright hair falling about them like a veil and they could both feel the painful squeeze of regret. He had come so close to showing the blond that this kind of release was okay, that there was nothing shameful about the pleasure only to have it snatched away again. The ache radiated through his groin, feeling heavy and tight with the lack of fulfillment but, even now, he wouldn't push. Finally Ed sat back on his heels, obviously still extremely turned on and wrinkled his nose.

"I should go after him," he said, voice deeper than normal and Roy thought he could detect the same frustration in his voice that was working its way through the older man. If he could count the times he had been left with aching balls in the past couple weeks, it would no doubt be some ridiculously large number but this time was most certainly the worst. Instead he swallowed the scream of disappointment and just let his head fall back against the chair, trying to dredge up some of his normal cool composure.

"It's alright," he said, voice somewhat strained and let Ed kiss him quickly before he slid from the chair, shaky, mismatched fingers trying to put his bright hair back into some kind of order. The kid looked unbelievably stunning unraveled as he was.

"And he better have a damn good excuse or I'm going to kill him," the kid mumbled as he walked somewhat painfully from the room in search of his younger brother. Roy watched him go with a small grin but it faded quickly, leaving him feeling tense and annoyed. There was nothing he could do for his arousal now except to finish it so he lifted his hips and ground his palm into his lap, closing his eyes as superficial pleasure jolted through him. It only took a few times before he let out a low groan, tipping his head back as his release spread through him, dampening the cloth against his hand. As he did, he pictured the way Ed had looked as he rode his lap, the darkened eyes and flushed complexion and the beautiful little noises he made in the older man's ear. And it was Ed's name that he whispered to the blank ceiling, wondering when he would finally be given a chance to get past this feeling of being broken, incomplete.

Roy sat there for a long time after catching his breath and feeling his heart rate return to normal, trying to imagine what it would feel like to have the younger alchemist's heavy warmth blanketing him as they both came down from their high together. He knew it would take time, had known as much for awhile but it still stung to have gotten so close, even if they were both still completely clothed, and then denied. At least, he told himself as he finally dragged himself from the chair in order to change his pants, this time it wasn't because Ed had panicked. That was something, he supposed.

It didn't feel like a victory, though, because when he thought back on the moment when their eyes met, he thought he had seen something that looked a lot like relief.

**

Al had apologized profusely to them both that night at dinner and while the older man was still feeling somewhat put out, he assured the younger boy that it was perfectly okay and that they should not have been in such an obvious location in the first place. It seemed to have calmed the boy down some but he could tell that the kid was beating himself up over it. Clearly he had already gotten an earful from his brother, which amused the Colonel to no end and Al _did_ feel bad about it. They both knew how important it was that the blond was opening up to such a physical side to their relationship and Al's awkwardness had as much to do with embarrassment as it did regret. The boy was quite aware what was going on between the older man and his brother and he had, on several occasions, told Roy how grateful he was. Indeed, the blond was much better than he had been and if one didn't know what had happened to him, they would never be able to tell he had been traumatized just by the way he acted. He still was leery about people getting too close to him and they were working on the nightmares and the blonde's fear of intimacy but the shadows had passed from his gaze and his smile was bright and genuine.

Yet as frustrating as it was, perhaps it was a good thing that Al had cut them off when he had. It was clear that Ed was still not ready for a sexual encounter, though they were getting close. Sometimes literally, irritatingly enough. He just had to be careful that he didn't cross the increasingly thinning line before he should and as much as the blond seemed to want it, there was still something there that held him back. Roy was aware that he had to handle the boy the way he needed rather than the way they both wanted. It was maddening but then he would catch sight of that wonderfully bright smile or a flicker of happy laughter and all of the tension would melt away. Because only Ed could make the waiting and the wanting and everything else just _disappear._

A few days passed in which they tip toed around each other, sharing swift, meaningful smiles and fleeting touches but that was all. Perhaps it was better that way after all, especially since they were no longer the only ones sharing his house and, interestingly enough, it took some of the strain off them both. This way Ed wasn't trying to do something he wasn't ready for in an effort to please the older man and Roy wasn't constantly battling with his desire. Of course he still wanted the boy but the lack of pressure gave them time to get to know each other better. Before they were both so caught up in the blonde's pain but now they had a chance to just be together without the worry or the fear.

It also gave him time to dwell on the information he and Hughes had stumbled across, giving him something else to think about. Where the stress of his and Ed's relationship eased, the frustration of not being able to take his investigation further took its place. At first he thought that it was just another hitch, another thing that they would get through because they _had_ to, it was something he _needed _to do but this turned out be something completely different than any other investigation he conducted. It turned out that bringing members of such a gang to justice was near to impossible for their reach was long and there were many people caught in their clutches. As they delved deeper into the enigma of the Serpents, they found just how many of the City officials had been bought by the deep pockets of the notorious gang. It was infuriating that they couldn't even find Wells, the man who had sold the young brothers off in the first place let alone figuring out who it was that had held the Elrics hostage. He knew that to find that information, they had to find the man who committed the first crime.

By now they had more than just his and the Lt. Colonel's office involved. The gang had been a threat to the peace and safety of Central's civilians for a long time now, growing up from the pavement like some cancerous leech that tried to suck all the feelings of wellbeing from the city's air. It had been a threat they had been aware of but had, so far, no evidence against. Now, after what happened with Ed, they had a solid case, if only they could get Wells. The man sounded completely insane and if the right kind of pressure was applied then hopefully he would crack enough to give them the confession they needed. And while he couldn't ask Ed to identify his attackers, he wondered if Al wouldn't be willing to help out. Of course the younger boy had his own trauma to deal with, especially having been forced to watch his brother being violated like he had but the Colonel had a feeling he would be more than willing to lend a testimony should the need arise. Of course, it would help if they could make a single fucking _break_ in the case but as time continued to pass, he started to despair. It had already been a long several months since they had rescued the blond and his little brother from that warehouse and the more time was allowed to pass, the less chance they had of finding the people responsible.

And though he tried to hide it from Ed, he could feel those bright, golden eyes on him, watching, worrying, making him rage against the merciless pit of hopelessness that he had been sucked into by his failure. Though he wished to offer the younger alchemist words of reassurance, he could barely even look the boy in the eye. How could he, when he just kept dredging up one disappointment after another while the men who had put such fear behind those wide eyes the boy was afraid of sleep, of love, of himself still roamed free? It was pattern that followed them through the week until he was almost ready to combust with the feeling of rage and helplessness.

Thankfully for him, or perhaps both of them, Ed seemed to recognize this and changed the stalemate between them that night with a daring split decision.

It was actually the revelation of figuring out who it was his younger brother had a crush on that brought upon the sudden change. Friday night Al had dinner made for them already by the time they were trooping back to the house, the scent of warm, cooked food striking their noses as soon as they stepped inside, which caused his mouth to water and Ed to let lose an excited whoop before tearing into the kitchen. It was unusual when the younger boy didn't come into the office with them but there were some days he wouldn't so they had made no comment that morning when Al had decided to stay home. Ed hadn't been overly concerned and the older man wondered if he noticed the younger boy's rather subdued manners but he had opted not to comment. In hind sight, he was extremely glad he didn't.

"Nii-san…" the light tenor broke into the comfortable quiet that had settled over the table while they ate and at first he thought nothing of it, content to happily enjoy the stew that sat in front of him. They had been there for only ten minutes before Al spoke up and he was already on his seconds, thinking absently to himself that he was going to have to step up his normal workout routine if he was going to keep eating like this.

"What's up, Al?" so unsuspecting and the older man glanced up, finding Ed just as engrossed in his dinner as he paid his brother a half a mind. Roy glanced at the tall suit of armor hunched carefully on one of the kitchen chairs and paused at what he saw. It wasn't like there was an expression on the boy's face because solid, cold metal couldn't be twisted and worked like muscles under skin. But there was something there that caught his eye and made him pause. If he didn't know better, he would have said Al was nervous.

"Um, would it be alright if…if I w-went over to Ha—Second Lt.'s house tonight? He's having a party and invited me," Roy blinked and glanced at the blond who had finally drawn his attention from his bowl and was eyeing his brother critically. Then he blinked again and everything clicked into place. Oh. _Oh._ He wanted to burst into laughter but decided that such a reaction was rather immature so he didn't. Instead he twisted his napkin in his hands that were resting on his lap, hidden by the table, telling himself that it was perfectly normal and he was hardly one to judge. He could see Ed staring at his brother like he was an alchemical problem he was trying to figure out and it was making the younger boy even more uncomfortable that he already was.

"Yeah, sure, Al. I don't mind," one of his slender eyebrows had lifted slightly in confusion, hitching further up his forehead when Al gave a happy little yelp and nearly knocked over the kitchen table in his haste to exit the house. Luckily for him Havoc lived only a few blocks away but the Colonel doubted that it really mattered. He was left catching both of their glasses of water so that they wouldn't spill while the blond stared bemusedly after his brother. The older man bit the inside of his lip as he watched those gold eyes, unfocused in thought as they met his own.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Ed asked and he couldn't help it. Roy grinned, a laugh caught at the back of his throat. There was a split second of silence as he watched the pieces fall into place for the younger alchemist just as they had for himself and then the sharp features cleared, brightening with a disbelieving grin, "No way," the kid breathed as he wrestled with his own amusement, "No _fucking_ way!" he laughed loudly, startling Naomi, the gold kitten that had just jumped onto the table, her fur puffing in annoyance. But Ed wasn't concerned with her for once. He was too caught up with his discovery, "Al has a crush on _Havoc!?"_ and he howled with mirth, holding his stomach and making the cat hiss before fleeing the kitchen. Roy watched the boy laugh, thinking it was nice to see such a carefree expression on his face and trying not to feel too bad that the blond was getting so much pleasure out of this. Then he remembered Ed telling him his younger brother had laughed at him for liking the Colonel and sat back, allowing him his laugh. Finally, when it died down and the younger alchemist was wiping tears of mirth from the corner of his eyes, the dark haired man smirked and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I don't know why you're finding this so funny. It's no different from you liking me," and it wasn't, really, except that Havoc was a few years younger than the Colonel. Still, it was somewhat off-setting thinking about Al with the Second Lt. who, as far as he knew, never really had even a curiosity in men, like Roy did. Not only that but Al was a soul in a suit of armor. Not exactly conducive to a romantic relationship, though that certainly wasn't really a good reason either. Al had feelings just like everyone else; his physical condition didn't make him any less human. Ed was still chuckling, shaking his bright head as he took another bite of his dinner.

"No, I guess not but at least you're not a complete moron," he blinked at this then smiled. While he knew Havoc was certainly not stupid, the man did have his moments. Quite often, "and besides, it's _Havoc_! Isn't he, like, really straight? All he talks about are girls!" and in that moment he felt a pang for the younger Elric brother.

"As far as I know, yes," his voice was quite and just like that, all of the mirth was gone, leaving them staring at the dinner Al had so thoughtfully made for them and a lump of pity cut off whatever appetite he had left. In that moment he realized just how unfair life really was and how much harder it had been made for these two young boys who wanted nothing more in life than to live how they deserved to live. He glanced up when he heard Ed shift in his seat, catching how the gold eyes shone bright behind the pale, sweeping lashes.

"I don't want him to get hurt," the husky voice was strangled, emotion curling and shifting in the shadowed tone. Roy frowned, not knowing what to say, "He's always been the nice one, the one people think they could take advantage of because he hates confrontations and people getting hurt. Lately, he keeps asking me about love and if he could ever possibly find it, wondering if it's even possible that someone could even love him the way he is now," there was a quick pause before those incredible eyes met his own, bright with pain for his little brother, "Do you think that's true? You think that maybe he could be happy like me?" Roy's breath caught and he had to concentrate on the question before answering because his heart was beating erratically against his chest. That simple, innocent question had made him happier than he could ever remember being as it was an admission to the younger man's own happiness.

"I think that Havoc's a good man," he started slowly, "and even when you do regain your bodies and if he still cannot love your brother that way, he won't hurt Al. Not like the way you're afraid he will," and it was true. Despite his personality that was, at times, somewhat lacking, Jean would never hurt anyone if he could help it. It was one of the reasons he kept the blond around, because he had a strong, noble heart. Ed ducked his head and his smile trembled with relief.

"Yeah, I guess," was all he said and Roy thought it was over, ready to dig back into the neglected remains of his dinner. That is, until he found himself pushed away from the table, a very needy blond in his lap and attempting to touch the back of his throat with his tongue. It took him a moment to regain his bearings, thinking rather abstractly that the stew tasted better when it was mixed with Ed's own personal flavor before he could pushed the boy away from him long enough to get in a few words edgewise.

"Ed, what the heck are you doing?" he growled as the boy fought to get back to his mouth, eyes shadowed and lips a delicious red. The blond whined as he was denied, fighting against the older man's hold, gasping a little from the ferocity of their kiss. Their struggles overturned the chair, sending them both to the cold floor but he only had a second to think about how it was rather uncomfortable to have his head strike the ground before he was being devoured again. It was startling, his breath completely stolen away as all he could do was tilt his head to the side and let the boy in, shivering at the feel of the slick tongue working over the insides of his mouth. By now they knew each other well enough to know where all the spots were that would make the desire flood through their bodies until thinking became impossible and the world faded into swirling heat and fluttering touches. So lost was he in their kiss and the bright taste flooding his mouth that he didn't realize the blond had positioned them so that he could easily part the older man's knees and settle between them until a blaze of raging pleasure wrapped around his gut at the sudden friction of their joined bodies.

Gasping, he tore his mouth away, knowing that they had to stop _now_ or he wouldn't be able to stop at all. Ed was above him, eyes glazed as he rolled his hips into the Colonel's, lips damp and inviting. Carefully, he tried to piece his consciousness back together enough so that he could catch the blond by the shoulders before he descended upon him again and still their motions, ignoring the flare of regret that bloomed in the back of his mind. It really wasn't fair how a single seventeen year old boy could make him so hard in a matter of seconds that he could barely see past his desire. But he had to unless he wanted to push the younger alchemist back into his defensive shell.

"Wait…" he panted, grunting when a slim knee slipped between them to press against his crotch, pleasure flaring bright, "Wait, hang on," the gold gaze met his own, burning with hunger and it had his heart skipping painfully. Ed lifted one eyebrow, no hesitation in sight, running his hands down the older man's broad chest.

"Why are you stopping me?" he whined, looking pained as he ground his hips down into Roy's making them both groan, "I thought this was what you wanted," a rain of soft kisses were pressed to his jaw line, the gesture surprisingly sweet, though he had to wonder how much of it was Ed trying to manipulate him. Even so, it made him smile as he forced the younger alchemist to sit up, straddling the dark haired man's waist and looking somewhat petulant.

"Don't look like that," he soothed, running gentle fingers over the full bottom lip that was protruding more than usual in a pout and he shivered when the boy kissed them while eyeing him again with that burning expression. No, he couldn't allow himself to get lost, not before he made absolutely sure, "It doesn't matter what I want. What do _you_ want? Are you sure you're ready for this?" even as he asked, he knew that they still wouldn't be going all the way, not yet. He wasn't even sure he could as he was afraid penetration would bring back memories of fear and pain. But Ed was smiling at him slightly, leaning back as he regarded the man sprawled underneath him. In a flash of humor, he realized that this position was becoming increasingly familiar.

"I have known I've wanted you for years, Roy and I know why you're hesitating still but I really don't want to keep waiting," Ed reached out and twined their fingers together, eyes fixed on how his golden skin looked against Roy's moon-pale hand, smiling his endearing, lopsided grin, "It's all still there; the…bad memories but I trust you and I know you won't hurt me," for a moment the Colonel was blown away by the blazing color of gold, the words the blond was speaking making his chest ache, "I can't keep hiding away and I really, really do want this," the boy leaned forward suddenly, warm breath spreading over the older man's face, "_Really…"_ it was no more than a husky purr but it was enough to make the arousal spike so high for a second he felt his control creak under the strain.

"Shit, Ed," he breathed, sinking his fingers into the fall of gold hair and flicking it free of its tie so that it tumbled around their faces in a fragrant, shimmering fall, tickling his wrists and forehead. He was beautiful, so beautiful, leaning over Roy the way he was, looking like some shining creature that had fallen from the heavens who had once been related to the sun. He marveled as he kissed the younger man again, forgetting everything but the feel of their lips sliding together, their hips connecting over and over, hands sliding over his arms and chest while his own moved over slender curves. It was the most he had been allowed to touch the blond before and he relished every last lingering brush of his fingers against the wrinkles of sturdy clothing, aching for the body that was underneath them.

Carefully, he caught the slim shoulders, noting the difference between them before he rolled them over, easing the blond to the cool floor tiles. The dark haired man took a moment to appreciated Edward Elric spread out on his kitchen floor, hair like a bright halo around his head and looking like he wanted nothing more than for Roy to slip under his skin. If only he could. Slowly, he ran his hands up under the dark t-shirt the boy was wearing, mouth drying at the feel of warm, smooth skin and the motion made the bright golden eyes flicker closed, the blond head tipping back as the younger alchemist sighed in rapture. It made him smile, that such simple touches would invoke such an erotic reaction.

The invitation of the elegant line of Ed's bared throat became too much and he had to lean forward to taste it, nipping and licking at the thin, sensitive skin. It tasted of sunshine and salt and drew the most wonderful sound from the blond, who was gripping at the front of the older man's shirt while trying to bring himself closer to the gentle scraping of teeth. Well, he though somewhat wryly to himself as he breathed the spicy scent of the boy in, at least he hadn't lost his touch. As he thought that, he drew one of his hands down, ghosting over the dip of the flat abdomen to tease the bulge trapped in the stiff denim.

"Hmm…Roy…" the younger man bucked his hips, white teeth biting into his plump bottom lip and the Colonel had to steady himself before he was overcome with dizzying desire. Determined now, he pressed harder, cock twitching painfully against its own nearly painful obstruction and watched as the blond head tossed, the boy's sharp features softening in pleasure. He couldn't remember wanting anything or anyone like he wanted Ed right then. Without really thinking about what he was doing, he slipped his fingers under the waistband, teasing the skin there before deftly undoing the fastenings, anticipation running hot through his veins. He was afraid if he paused to think, he would stop altogether and he wasn't sure he could bear that. So he just eased the material away from the younger man's erection, swallowing hard when he finally managed to free it. It was beautiful, just like the rest of the young alchemist, long and slim, making him want to do nothing more than slide his tongue over the pulsing ridge on the underside and swirl it around on the flushed head. Gold eyes met his own as he looked up, wide and impossibly dark and he caught the fiery desire in them along with a hesitant question before he caved under his own need.

He was surprised at how _good_ it tasted as he slowly dragged his tongue over the dripping head of the blonde's cock, savoring the thick, salty flavor that spread over his tongue. It made his groin tighten wonderfully when Ed gasped loudly and arched into the simple touch, already deliciously wet. Roy lapped up all the pearly rivulets of pre cum that had dripped down the throbbing shaft, shocked at his own response of wanting to do more. Long fingers carding slowly through the thick, coarse curls at the base of the blonde's erection, he eased his lips over the damp tip, sucking as he swallowed the younger man's cock.

It was a heavy, throbbing weight and his jaw ached almost uncomfortably but he continued to work his tongue and lips along the blonde's arousal, greedily drinking all of the pre ejaculate that leaked from the boy's slit. Pulling back, he rolled his tongue into the small opening, catching the narrow hips as the younger man thrashed under him, voice loud in the relative stillness of his house. Especially when he reached down and fondled the blonde's balls as he gave a particularly hard suck. _That _scream had been rather nice. Every reaction he drew from Ed just fed his own aching need, making him want more, _more_…

The younger alchemist must have been closer than he thought because as he sucked the pretty, throbbing cock back into his mouth, taking in as much as he dared, there was a loud shout from Ed as his entire body tensed before Roy's mouth was filled with hot, sticky liquid. It was all he could do to swallow it all without choking, barely registering the hand pulling desperately at his dark hair, while trying to concentrate on the twitching erection still caught between his lips. Thankfully, he looked up just in time to watch the blond come undone, the look on his face nearly enough to send the Colonel over the edge as well. Post-orgasm Ed, he decided as he pulled away and licked his lips, the flavor of the younger man's release still heavy on his tongue, was certainly something worth seeing. Grinning, he crawled back up so that he could take the boy in a lazy kiss, delighting in the way the blond was still fighting to get his breath back and his returning kiss was rather sloppy, a quiet moan vibrating against his tongue when Ed got a good taste of himself.

"Good?" he asked with a rather self-satisfied smirk as he pulled back, taking in the half-lidded eyes and flushed cheeks. The slender eyebrows drew down momentarily as if it pained the younger alchemist to reorder his thoughts before he met the dark gaze bearing down at him, the corner of his lips quirking in a slight grin.

"Obviously you already know the answer to that," he responded somewhat breathlessly, reaching up to curl his fingers into Roy's dark hair. As always, he was ready to forget his own arousal, leaning in to continue their kiss when slim fingers pressed against his lips, making him pause. The gold gaze caught his and he saw the nervousness there and another expression that made his breath catch and heart slam painfully against his rib cage, "Please, I want to…to do that for you," the boy murmured, fingers tracing the shape of the older man's lips, "Let me make you feel like that," the request sent another trail of blazing heat right to his groin, like the fiery path of a meteor and it was all he could do not to groan out loud, the want in his veins so hot he was sure he would burn away with it. Even so, he hesitated.

"Ed…I don't—" but those fingers were back, stilling the protest before he could even properly think of one, the gold peering up at him through a sweaty mess of bright hair pleading.

"Please?I really want to…" and how could he say no to that? Despite all that, he knew. He knew from the moment he let Ed push him back to the tiles that it was a bad idea. There was still too much hesitation and while the blond was relaxed from his own orgasm, there was a tenseness in his fingers as he undid the Colonel's pants that he couldn't help but notice. Inexperienced fingers slowly caressed his length, the touch sending a shiver up his spine. He gave a gentle reminder for the blond to keep teeth shielded by his lips and sighed as a hot, wet tongue curled around the tip of his erection.

And it was fine, too, more perfect than he could put into words until the three seconds right before he was about to come.

That hot mouth sucked at him, carefully not taking in too much and that was fine because Ed's hand had compensated for what his mouth couldn't reach, copying Roy's earlier motions of bobbing his head while swallowing around the thick length, tiny whimpering moans vibrating down the length of his cock to pool in the growing heat of desire flooding his limbs. He had never felt like this before, like a fever had set beneath his skin that could never be sated, no matter how many times he came under Ed's touch nor how many times they said "I love you". And because he was so lost, he forgot that he shouldn't buck his hips, should control his reactions as the pleasure started to constrict, should at least _warn_ the boy how close he was.

Instead he cried out as those delightful lips engulfed him, hands scratching at the floor and a second later he was left gasping in agony, pain flaring through his body and nearly crippling him. When he had unthinkingly bucked his hips, his cock had slid deeper into Ed's mouth than it should have, making the blond bite down out of pure instinct, no doubt panicking when he found himself nearly choking on Roy's erection.

For a long couple of seconds he lay on the floor curled around the ache that flared painfully up and down his now rather uninterested cock like a pulsing ring of fire, breathing through his nose while blinking away tears of pain. Well, at least he didn't have to worry about walking away unsatisfied, though it was in a way he would have liked to never have to experience again. He would be lucky if he could get an erection at all before tomorrow. When he thought that perhaps he could breathe properly again, he cracked his eyes open to see Ed sitting on the floor nearby, back pressed against the wall and his head buried in his knees. Misery curled around the boy's slumped figure like a dark fist and he nearly forgot his own pain in favor of the pity that welled up in him. After all, if he stopped to think about it, the whole thing was his own fault.

"Ed…" he started, picking himself up and scooting towards the younger alchemist who only seemed to crumple in on himself even more. Roy paused, not sure what to say. "It's okay" was much too weak and he had no other way of reassuring the blond that he wasn't pissed like he probably normally would have been nor did he resent the boy for his inexperience. After all, it was always something they could work on; it wasn't like he was in a hurry.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry," he barely heard the pitifully moaned words, the anguish in them more distinguishable than their actual meaning and despite himself, he smiled. Okay, so it really hurt to have someone bite down on his dick and he wasn't even going to mention the fact that he had been about to hit his climax but it was impossible to be mad at Ed, especially given the way he was reacting. The Colonel winced as he quickly put his clothes back in order, wishing for a pack of ice before reaching out and burying his hand in the golden fall of blond hair.

"It's okay, Ed. Really. I forgot to stay still," and he rubbed the younger man's scalp gently in a manner that had long since become familiar, hoping to ease some of the tension in the line of the slender shoulders. The younger man sniffed a bit before lifting his head, eyes bright and filled with remorse as he looked at the Colonel.

"No, I'm really sorry. I thought I could do it but then…and I panicked and…oh, my god, I hurt you really bad, didn't I?" and he looked away, trying to shield the fact that he was about to cry. If there was one thing he knew about Ed, the boy hated people knowing he when cried. Roy bit his lip and moved as close as he could, gathering the younger alchemist into his arms. There was a moment of resistance before the blond relaxed against him, pushing his face into the older man's neck. He could still feel the boy shaking even as he wrapped his arms around the dark haired man's torso, seeking comfort, "I'm really…" there was a deep breath and the blond made a noise he couldn't interpret before continuing, "When they first had me there, in the beginning, they tried to force me to…they would make me open my mouth and would push their way inside until I couldn't even breathe," Roy stiffened, horror washing through him as he listened to the younger man speak. It was the first time Ed had actually opened up enough to give him details about what had really happened during those few weeks he had been missing and while his instinct was to stop the boy because he didn't really want to know, didn't want to picture the terror that the blond had gone through, he listened quietly, just holding the slim frame as if his arms could ward off the past, "I didn't figure out until the third one tried it that biting them would hopefully make them back off," the words slowed, stopped and he waited a while before he realized the boy wasn't going to speak again.

"Did it work?" he asked, voice little more than a whisper and Ed stirred against him, his presence solid and warm. It helped to remind the older man that he was here, safe and nothing would ever hurt him again but he knew he could do nothing for the nightmares and the memories.

"For a few minutes and then they beat me and said if I did it again, they would start taking what limbs I had left," he felt Ed shudder against him and bile rose to the back of his throat, fury a tight fist around his lungs, "So when…when you moved like that I…ugh, Roy, I really thought I was over this. I hate that it keeps coming between us," Roy hugged the boy harder to himself, warring with his own emotions. Gently he stroked his hands through the blond hair, sighing as he felt the younger alchemist relax into him again.

"I in no way blame this on you. I should have known better and should have at least given you some kind of warnings before we started," he sifted so he could slip a hand under the blonde's chin and tilt his head up so that he could see the depth of expression in the wide, burning gaze, "Don't let it discourage you. I'm not and I have no intention of letting anything get between us," he smoothed his fingers over the frown between the slender eyebrows, watching as his words sunk in and eased some of the strain in the younger alchemist's face, "Next time we'll just make sure you're a little more prepared. Okay?" at the boy's nod, he leaned in and drew the blond into a slow, heated kiss that left them both a little warmer than when they started. Ed gave him a shaky smile when they broke apart before settling back into Roy's arms, the two of them making themselves comfortable on his kitchen floor. They were silent for a little while before the younger man gave a soft snort.

"Next time, hmm? When will that be, do you think?" the husky tenor had deepened slightly with the promise of suggestion and Roy grinned to himself, shaking his head even as his cock gave an unwelcome and rather painful throb.

"Well," he said dryly, trying to stifle a smirk, "I think I'd like to keep your teeth as far away from my more vulnerable parts for the time being, if you don't mind," the delivery was light and teasing and it startled a laugh out of the young man curled in his arms, the warm, steady sound of it easing the tight fist around his chest so that when he breathed one of his own, it was completely unforced.

"Just know that I'd like a second chance and this time, I promise no biting," Ed breathed into his ear before nipping at it playfully and as a surprising wave of desire surged over him, he couldn't help but think that the entire experience had been entirely worth it, especially when a pair of full, silky lips claimed his, making him forget everything but how perfect it was that it was Ed in his arms. Even if there were a million mishaps and hesitations, a thousand inexperienced blunders, a hundred setbacks, as long as he got to hear the blond whisper just once in his ear "I love you", it was enough.

_**...To be continued**_

_**heh...heh...well, at least there will BE a next time. Poor Roy!! hahaha, I really couldn't help it though...  
**_


	10. Not Enough Sometimes Too Much

**A/N: O.M.G...I AM SOOOO SORRY!!! I can't believe how long it took for me to finally write this damn chapter! For all of those who were kept waiting, I am very, very, very sorry. I think this has been the worst case of writer's block I have ever had the misfortune to suffer from. It just...wasn't there. I promise the last chapter and the epilogue will be much faster in coming. I'm not so sure about this chapter, even after I agonized over it for nearly two weeks, so forgive me if it seems OOC, which it probably is. *bangs head against a table* I did my best! For malfoysdaughter, the other half of my soul.**

**Warning: there is some mildly graphic violence so if anyone is particularly sensitive, well, it gets a bit gross. It's not horrible but I felt I should warn everyone anyway.

* * *

  
**

_Al burst into the library that day in a flurry of frantic desperation, armor clanking along with his sharp movements, an odd, loud contrast of his normal composed self. Ed heard him coming from down the hall and could only gape as he watched his younger brother barrel in through the doors, ignoring the annoyed hiss from one of the librarians. It was obvious the boy was looking for him, which was confirmed a moment later when the younger boy yelped as he spotted the blond and nearly bawled his older brother over in his haste. _

"_Al, what the hell has gotten into you?" he demanded, not even sure if he should be worried or amused at the picture the large suit of armor made as he flailed about anxiously. But instead of answering, a hard grip wrapped around his wrist and was dragging him from the library. _

"_I'm sorry, nii-san but something really bad happened and I think Roy is about to do something really stupid and you're the only one who can stop him—" the light tenor was higher than normal, strung tight like a thin string on an instrument and was the real clue to the depth of his distress. Ed let himself be led through the halls, unable to break through his surprise at the sudden outburst and wondering just what could be so terrible it had his laid-back little brother in such a worried mess. _

_And then the words he was saying penetrated his confusion, striking him like a blow. The case,_ that_ case, the one that Ed wanted nothing to do with nor to hear anything about and he was being dragged right into the middle of it. Clearly they had found one of the men responsible and the very thought had his gut twisting so painfully he wondered if he would be sick and his knees nearly locked up so that he would have to be carried to move any further. _

"_Al…" and his voice was small, filled with fear because there was no way he could face that, not again, not if he wanted to remain sane. His younger brother must have sensed his fear and hesitation, just like he always did, and stopped in his head long rush, reaching out and touching Ed on the side of his face. It was a gesture Al had never once used before, not on him and it caught his swirling thoughts, gently reeling them back in. The glowing space where his eyes should be were soft with compassion. _

"_I know, nii-san but he's going to kill him. We may be already too late," somewhere in the blonde's mind, he knew that Roy could absolutely _not_ take his revenge in that manner. They had spent some time talking over the past weeks and Ed had been horrified to learn of the things that the Colonel had been forced to do when he fought in Ishval. Things that had led the older man to nearly commit suicide. He could not, would not, let that happen again and he knew that even of it was for Ed, in retribution for what had happened, the dark haired man would still be killing in cold blood. And just like that his sickening, crippling fear was swept away in a wave of determination. _

_He let Al take his hand again and ran with him to a part of the building he had never had a reason to visit before, the walls bleak and cold. It reminded him of cold justice and bitter retribution. Heart in his throat, he ignored the looks and the enraged shouts for them to be more careful, praying to the god he didn't believe in that he wouldn't be too late. _

_A door was slammed open and he saw those white gloves, poised and ready to flare with red, glaring fire. Nothing mattered but that he caught the hand they adorned right before the flames roared through the room, not even paying attention to anyone else in the room because he was drowning in black eyes that burned with a vengeance so bright it nearly burned him right to his soul. When Roy snarled at him, barely even recognizing the blond in his fury, why, _why_, Ed allowed himself to be touched by that fire and felt it purge all the fear and doubt and darkness from his mind. _

"_Because the man I love would not want this,"_

Finding the Blood Rose Alchemist had actually been an accidental turn of luck.

It started innocently enough, when one of the young Majors on the military's police force went into one of the seedier shops downtown whose owner had been caught selling narcotics several years ago out the back of his store. It was merely a routine checkup, to make sure he was following the stipulations of his parole. Luckily, the Major had been working with Roy's team on _the_ investigation and knew enough that it was Wells who walked through the shop's door moments after he himself did. Such a stupid, simple coincidence and just like that, the man that had sold Ed and his younger brother off to pay his debts had been neatly arrested.

And what a sad, pitiful image of a person he made, too. If the Colonel wasn't already so inclined to hate the man, he might have acknowledged the tiny flash of cold pity before it was squashed under the towering force of his fury.

It was Hughes that had interrupted him in a meeting, his eyes glittering like hard ice behind his thin glasses, lips pressed into a sharp line. While the meeting itself wasn't terribly important, the man still knew better than to pull him away. And Roy might have been annoyed as he stepped from the room if he hadn't caught the expression on his friend's face. Triumph and anger and a twisted kind of relief shone on the planes of the handsome face, giving him pause.

"What's happened?" he had asked, curious because the last time he had seen that look, they had just found out the war they had been fighting in Ishval had been announced over. The Lt. Colonel allowed a smile but there was no joy or humor in it and it made Roy glad he never had a reason to get on this man's bad side.

"We've found him," the deep voice was as hard as the green of his eyes but the dark haired Colonel didn't need to ask who it was the man was speaking of. The truth of it struck him immediately and hard, stoking the ever burning flames within his chest so that they licked at the edges of his vision and prickled in his lungs as he breathed. Not another word was needed before he was striding down the through the halls, retribution clinging greedily to his boot heels.

He wasn't sure what he had been expecting to find when he first saw the Blood Rose Alchemist but surely the old, broken husk of a man that he was staring at wasn't it. The lined face showed nothing and the faded, jade eyes captured beneath heavy, grey brows were completely dead. Whatever life had dwelt within this person had faded a long time ago. He sat chained to the harsh metal chair, unmoving, his white head bowed as if in defeat. Those eyes just stared at the blank surface of the table in front of him, hiding the sins that Roy was going to forcefully extract from him. And by the looks of the other people occupying the room with him, staring out the dark observation glass at the single man in the next room, he doubted there would be a single protest should he allow his anger to break free like he dearly wished he could. After all, this person, this sorry excuse for a human being, had hurt one of their own. It didn't matter if most of the people working this case didn't know Ed and his brother. The fact remained that Ed is a State Alchemist that had been sold off and then tortured and raped for more than two weeks. Everyone here wanted to see justice done.

There were no thoughts cluttering his mind as he stepped into the next room, emotions tightly tied down under the weight of the knowledge that _this was it_. With this, he could finish what had been started months ago and might be able to give Ed his closure that the boy truly needed. He didn't care about the why or what Wells had been thinking when he went to a gang to aid him with his money troubles. All he cared about was this man had _sold_ the young man Roy was in love with to pay off his debts and now he was going to _destroy _him.

The man didn't even flinch when the door slammed closed and four officers of varying ranks entered the room, their faces dark and forbidding. Hughes was there as was Riza, both of them refusing to be left out of this. Silently, he was grateful for their support. The fourth was a Lt. by the name of Jerry Singer who was also the captain of the police task force within Central's headquarters. He was a big man, with a perpetual frown and piercing, icy blue eyes that were intimidating even to his co-workers. At any rate, the Colonel was glad to have him on his side. In fact, when the Lt. was given the details of the case, he had looked the dark haired man in the eye and said without hesitation that Roy was permitted to have free reign of his men and facilities.

"Mr. Wells," now Roy's strong voice broke through the tension in the room like a battering wave against sand, demanding both respect and attention, "You have been brought here on charges of kidnapping, assault of a military officer, misuse of alchemy and aiding in the crimes of a known gang. To name a few," there was a sneer in his voice but instead of it being smug, it came out quiet, knowing, dangerous. Normally he didn't like interrogation; it made him feel like a fraud, like he was some nefarious drone trying to dig into the mind of some petty criminal that barely understood the consequences of their actions. But this…this he would _relish_. He wanted to sink his fangs into the graying skin and shake his head until the bent neck snapped. It sat on the back of his tongue like heavy sludge but it tasted good too, addicting. When the jade eyes barely even shifted in acknowledgement of his words, he almost grinned. Oh, yes, he would break this man because he had broken Roy's lovely, golden Edward, "Now that you have no doubts as to why you are here. I would like very much to know why you had a State Alchemist kidnapped, along with his younger brother and then had them held in a warehouse nigh on three weeks before they were found," there was a flicker of recognition on the wizened face but no remorse and no pity. Wells then turned his head as if he couldn't bear to answer.

"We have enough on you that we can incarcerate you with barely a trial," Lt. Singer's voice was a dark rumbling of sound, like thunder, a deeper counterpoint to Roy's crackling velvety tones. Yet where his voice had been pure malice, threatening and promising pain, the other man was clam, confident fact, "You will be thrown in jail and forgotten about until you rot away into ash. I promise, no one will remember your name or that you even existed at all," the old man chained to the chair trembled slightly, as if the prospect of disappearing was a nightmare that kept him from sleeping at night, fear flickering are the edges of his gaze. Only the fear looked mad, like a struggling animal might, fighting even though it knew it was going to die.

"Then," the rough voice cracked and Wells licked his lips before trying again, "Then why is it I am here?" he still didn't look at any of them but had tipped his wild head up so that he was staring at himself in the reflective glass of the window. It was Hughes that sat in the chair across from the older man, forcing the green eyes down again. The Lt. Colonel's face was as hard as Roy had ever seen it, completely lacking in sympathy.

"You will tell us, by the time we are done here, who it was that you sold the two young boys off to; their names, their connections and anything else relevant that you can remember. Keep in mind, no sympathy will be shown to you. Should you tell us, no leniency will be added to your sentence. However, if you don't tell us what we want to know…well…" Roy nearly shivered at the cold smile that curled over his friend's lips then; nearly because he was getting a twisted kind of pleasure watching the way the Lt. Colonel's words caused the lined features to pale, "my friend here is very fond of fire," and a little thrill went through him when Maes indicated Roy.

Wells was staring at them now, back and forth between the two dark haired men, looking every bit the cornered menial beast. It was then Roy realized that while the man might not have been afraid of being put in jail for the rest of his natural life, he knew that if he gave them the information they wanted, he would not live out the week. Even locked away in a military facility, he would not be able to escape the long reach of an enraged mafia boss, which would be sure to happen should he talk. There was a moment Roy thought they would have to lean on him more when the man started to shake, rocking in his bindings so that the metal links rattled against the chair. He was shaking his head, over and over as if something was buffeting at him.

"No…no, no one ever understood…" at first Roy had to strain to hear him, wondering if the older man was about to have a mental breakdown, "You all turned me away…I was brilliant; what I did…what I could do with my alchemy…and you…they…he turned me away! Couldn't even appreciate it for what it was! I should have been acknowledged as the best! And they would have, until that little brat stepped in my way!" he was raging now, eyes so wide, there was a ring of white all around the wild green irises, crooked teeth bared in a snarl, "Why him!? Don't you know he broke the biggest taboo of all! Oh, yes, I know all about that! But they let him stay and turned me away!" There was more, so much more on that vein and he could see it all crowding the man's mouth as it tried to spill forth in a messy, hateful admission of guilt. But upon listening to it, to the ramblings of this mad being frothing before him in his chair, Roy felt the banking of his own fury hit its peak, blasting forth in a surge of nearly harmless alchemy that sent the metal chair skidding back from the table until Wells slammed into the opposite wall. He had, even through the red haze that had descended over his vision, been careful to use less oxygen so that the air snapped hard enough for such an explosion while not actually burning anything.

"Enough," he hissed, rounding the table, the air snapping nervously around his head. All of this, all of what had happened to Ed, all the shame, the agony and all because one old man had gone soft in the head. And he wasn't sorry because all he cared about was that he had been turned away, "You will not speak of that boy. You will speak of nothing but to answer the questions that are put before you," He reached down and grabbed a handful of Well's jacket, pulling him up so that he was closer to the blazing heat of Roy's gaze, completely unaware that in his anger, he had lifted the chair clean off the floor, "And when you are done, I'm going to turn every last inch of your skin into ash so that you will live in agony for the rest of your life and every time you breathe, you will taste nothing but smoke," there was real fear in those eyes now as the older man finally understood that the threat within the room was so much worse than anything that could happen to him at the hands of a gang.

"Roy…" his name was a soft warning but his ignored it as he let the chair fall back to the floor, drawing on more and more of his anger as Wells stared up at him in terror. The thin lips worked furiously but he had no patience left in him and before he knew it, his hand was in the wild mane, jerking the head back and he was nearly nose to nose with the older man.

"You _will_ talk," he hissed and snapped with his free hand, pulling back when the older alchemist jerked and screamed with pain. The skin on the man's right leg had been seared away, the stench of burned flesh and singed cloth filling the room. Once it might have made him gag but not now. Now he breathed it in because here there would be retribution and if he had to rip, maim, tear, _destroy_, then he would do it, all the while keeping the memory of Ed's nightmares and flinches and tears wrapped firmly around the forefront of his mind.

He could hear, vaguely, as if the voices were coming from far away, someone begging him to stop while someone else dashed from the room, panic and fear as thick in the air as the stench of cooked meat. But all he cared about was the way the older man was sobbing and babbling, spilling secrets and confessions of every little sin between screams for mercy. Except he would find no mercy and when the flow of his words paused, another part of his body would burst into controlled flames. Roy could feel himself sinking deeper and deeper into his role, darkness yawning beneath his feet as he tumbled down into it, allowing himself to be swallowed.

And then Ed was there, standing before him, eyes wide but lacking judgment, pulling him back like the sun draws the day from the dregs of night.

"Stop, Roy," his beautiful, husky voice was like honey, beginning to soothe the ragged edges of his rage, "Please, that's enough," but he remembered how those stunning eyes would still sometimes darken in self loathing and pain and he clung to his fury, wanting to end it, to give him the revenge that he deserved.

"Why? _Why_?" that smile, it speared his heart, shining like a ray of hope through the veil that had fallen before his eyes and for the first time since he had allowed his anger to burst forth like a snarling blaze, he understood what he had done.

"Because the man I love would not want this,"

**

The house was completely silent as he huddled on the window seat in the small nook, knees drawn to his chest as if that could keep away the vulnerability that had come with the surging guilt and sickening shame. Over and over he played what had happened in that room in his mind and he wanted to sink through the ground, wishing it could swallow up the unforgivable _atrocity_ of his actions. He knew that he had been so mad he couldn't even think straight; more angry than he had ever been in his life and, more than anything else, it _scared_ him, down to his very core. And if it hadn't been for Ed stepping in when he did, he was positive he would have completely lost himself to that darkness.

When he had gotten the chance to step back and really look at what he had done, a crushing sense of self-loathing overtook him. Today he had broken a promise to himself that had lasted for nearly ten years that he would never again senselessly hurt someone with the power that he possessed at his fingertips. Wells wasn't dead but he would never be the same, with burns on nearly half of his body, some of them bone deep. Roy would have killed him, too, given the chance.

Thankfully, no one looked at him with horror or disgust. They knew going in there that Wells was about as insane as they get and he had little doubt that they might have let him do as he would except that he had nearly lost himself in the process. Wells had been taken away but his screams still lingered in Roy's mind like poison, blackening his soul. He had let Ed take his hand, the gold gaze gentle and understanding and lead him from the building, disgust and horror roiling in his gut until he was sure he would be sick with it. To his credit, he lasted until they were outside and then he was grateful for Ed's warm hands smoothing back his hair as he vomited on the grass. The only thing that kept him from spiraling into the pits of depression were the words the young blond had spoken to him that brought him back to himself after his rage nearly hollowed out his insides…_because the man I love would not want this…the man I love…_

Ed didn't ask what had happened and he let Roy go off when they got back to his house. He couldn't bear to look at the boy, couldn't face his own stupid mistake under the heavy weight of the gold gaze. How could he stand up to something so pure when he himself was so unworthy of such attention? Just what was it that the blond saw in him? He was capable of doing such disgusting, horrible things; he could never amount to enough so that he might be worthy of such attentions from the boy. Yet in his selfishness, he couldn't turn the boy away. His heart was hopelessly entwined with that of the younger alchemist and he could never again be free of it. Not that he wanted that but he was starting to wonder if perhaps Ed deserved something better.

"You're thinking too much," Ed's voice yanked him back to reality before he could defeat himself even more and he glanced away from the mockingly cheerful sunset to watch the boy walk into the room. The orange light caught at the secret depths of his wide gaze and pulled gold strands from his blond hair, making Roy's heart ache at such beauty. Surely he was too tainted to truly deserve something such as this but even the thought of losing the boy now was like a physical blow. He had to look away because he was afraid the blond would see the tears that stung his eyes.

They didn't speak for long moments, the younger alchemist standing right behind him so that he could almost hear his steady heartbeat until he gave up and pressed his face into his knees. A warm, slender hand slipped into his hair and he shuddered with the wave of emotion that broke over him.

"Please, Roy. Don't shut me out. Not now," the longing in the husky voice tugged at him and he unconsciously relaxed under the gentle fingers carding through his ebony hair.

"How can you…even look at me?" he finally mumbled, words muffled by the material of his pants, "How are you touching me without cringing away? What I did…I…I didn't…" a surprisingly strong grip on the back of his neck stilled his words and he was forced to look up, his own dark eyes finding those of the boy that he loved.

"I can because you're still you. I know why you did what you did and maybe I don't want revenge but I know that the anger that made you do what you did was for me. Not so impressed with the consequences but then, neither are you," Roy swallowed as those fingers slowly stroked over his skin, the calm, gentle words washing over him like an absolution, easing the self loathing that burned in his chest just enough that he was sure he could breathe without pain. Ed smiled down at him, the warmth of the sun in his eyes and the older man was sure that he could withstand anything as long as he had this boy at his side. Slowly, he reached out and drew the younger man to him, wrapping his arms around the narrow hips and resting his forehead against Ed's flat belly. He would never forgive himself for such a hateful loss in his control, as strong as his hatred for Wells might be, but there was more to him than that. He just need to remember that.

Two hands eased into his hair now, fingers rolling against his scalp and Ed hummed softly, the sound suspiciously like a purr. The heat of the dying sunlight outside wrapped around them like an embrace and despite his somewhat awkward position, he was sure he could have stayed like that forever, basking in the glory of the blonde's acceptance and love.

But then…

"Roy…" it was a gentle whisper, like the ocean licking gently at the shore but he heard it anyway, tightening his hold on the boy and breathing in his exciting, intoxicating scent.

"Yeah?" one of those glorious hands slipped under his jaw, forcing him to draw back a bit so he could look up into Ed's face. The boy was smiling, a gentle curving of his full lips but he detected something else there, a nervous kind of anticipation burning behind the soft reassurance. As he held the boy close to him, he felt a tremor take him over, matching the excitement burning on his face. When the blond spoke again, he took Roy's breath away.

"Take me to bed, Roy," he whispered, gaze free of any fear or pain, free of shadows and full of only hot, blazing desire, "Make me completely yours,"

All Roy could do was swallow dryly and nod…

_**...To be continued**_

_***gasp* I left you hanging right before a lemon! I'm so evil...*runs from smut-starved fangirls*  
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	11. With This Trust I Give

**A/N: I feel like I'm constantly apologizing to you guys because I can't seem to get my act together to write. SO SORRY!!! I had, like, a major dry spell for about a week and sadly just...didn't feel like writing. It was bad. But, as you can see, I have broken through it and have written you all a rather lengthy lemon! YAY! I know I left you hanging but hopefully this will make up for the serious lapse in discipline that seems to have over taken me lately. After this there will just be an epilogue and then it's done! Hip-hip-HURRAY!!!! Sorry, just a little excited. I love finishing fics; it gives me a false sense of accomplishment. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy! As always, reviews are very much loved. Oh, and one more thing; I probably should have mentioned it earlier but this isn't beta'd. I do my best when going over them but there are probably mistakes and some places with shaky grammar. Sorry again!**

**Warning: lemon; sex between two men which takes up just about the entire chapter. If the M rating wasn't a big enough clue for you and you know you shouldn't be reading this, well, I have no control over what you do, really. If your conscious is as inactive as mine, then have at it!

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_Where the courage came from for him to look down at the handsome face and ask Roy to take him to bed he didn't know and it shook him to his very core. Not because he was afraid. There was nothing the older man could ever do that could truly insight fear. All he knew was that Roy would clearly do anything for him and he would trust the man with everything he had. _

_So it only seemed right to trust him with this. _

_As strong, pale hands gently titled his head back for kiss after hot, blinding kiss and he was led slowly, inexorably towards a familiar bedroom, he was not at all shocked to find that the only thing that quickened his pulse and made his breath catch in his lungs was desire and anticipation. _

_Here, between him and his beautiful Colonel, there was no fear. _

So many half formed thoughts raced through his mind, swirling and bunching together so that he could barely make out one from another. One such thought knocking against the inside of his skull was a little voice wondering what the hell he had done so right to deserve this while a separate, more appreciative one whispered in delight, babbling about the beautiful trust that was shining down at him from wide, gold eyes. But, perhaps the loudest and most comprehensive was the one gibbering happily in the background, hissing "Finally, yes, yes, _finally…"_

This was the moment he had been working towards for long, sometimes thankless months and not because he was about to get laid (thought that certainly was a bonus). It was because Ed was willing to put every last ounce of trust in him and it was the most gratifying feeling of all.

All of this took place in a single moment before he came back to himself, every part of his body aware of their proximity. Then he slid one hand under the back of the younger man's shirt, both of them sighing at the feel of his warm fingers pressing into hot, silky skin. For a long couple seconds their eyes held, conveying raw emotions that made the endings of his nerves tingle. The deep, rich light of the dying sun blazing through the window highlighted every last little detail of Ed's features, making him look like he was carved from the purest gold and copper and bronze. Once he might have just given such beauty a cursory glance before he claimed it but now he had to sit back, just for a second or two, and bask in the knowledge that this young man in all of his glorious beauty was willing to give himself to the Colonel. It was the most humbling and eye opening revelation he had ever made. Roy was just another man, ordinary, he thinks, all things considered, but his blond subordinate was _spectacular._ So the fact that Ed had chosen _him_ was startling, wonderful, fantastic and so many other things, he couldn't begin to label them.

Another thing he understood then as Ed leaned down over him and boldly captured the older man in a warm kiss was that this thing that the boy was about to give him and trust him with in return was no small matter. After all, the kid had been raped, repeatedly and that wasn't something one just got over. True, they had been working on the lingering trauma for a long time now but he was sure it hadn't just gone away. It was something he had been thinking of on and off for a while, trying to come up with the best way to approach having sex with the younger alchemist so that he would experience the least amount of discomfort or pain. It would have to be slow, as slow as he could possibly handle and if Ed should express one moment of doubt, he would stop. He had a feeling, though, that it wouldn't come down to that. Clearly, the younger man wanted this a great deal since he had asked for it in the first place and that took a considerable amount of courage.

The angle at which they were currently situated wasn't exactly comfortable, with him sitting upon the window seat, legs still crossed in front of him while he twisted so he might have access to Ed's lips. It didn't really matter, though, because he was enjoying the way the younger man was pressed against his side and had his arms wrapped possessively around the Colonel's neck, hands curled in his dark hair. He liked the idea of being so close to the boy, feeling the heat radiating from him as their tongues lazily tangled together. Slow, easy, perfect.

With the sun warming his back, he broke away, taking a deep breath, the scent of honey and light filling his nose and took in the way the blonde's breathing seemed to have deepened, lips full and wet. An emotion very close to disbelief filled him then, mixed with hot arousal and he knew he had never wanted anything quite as much as he wanted this.

"You're not at all bothered by what happened today?" his voice was soft and although he was half afraid that he was about to kill the mood that had already been set, he realized that he didn't know what Ed really thought about the older man's vengeful rage earlier that day. Though the boy had been encouraging and supportive, he had also not been thrilled about the entire case in general and had said nothing in the way of his own feelings. Yet despite his worry, the blond fixed him with a warm smile that shot right through him in a rippling wave of warmth and had him tightening his hold on the slim waist.

"Not bothered, no. Just, remind me never to get on your bad side," his smile widened flirtatiously for a moment before he sobered, slender fingers sliding over and over through Roy's dark hair, "How could I be bothered when you did all that because someone hurt me? I may not…admire the way you went about it but I understand it and, well…" he shrugged and grinned, suddenly shy, "I know this might sound stupid to say for something like that but thank you. Thank you for making me feel safe again," the words surprised the Colonel but he didn't have much time to dwell on them because the next kiss nearly dissolved his insides and tasted so strongly of sunlight and Ed, his teeth ached. It went on for long moments, the younger man pressing so hard into him now, he could feel the hard line of his belt buckle against his ribs and he was so dazed, he forgot to monitor the next words that spilled from his mouth.

"You're welcome. You have no idea how I have wanted to hear that from you," the confession tumbled free with ease but he wasn't embarrassed by it. It was nothing but the absolute truth, after all.

"Now I know," was the return, uttered in a rough, husky whisper and the discussion was dropped a moment later when the blond dropped his head so that their foreheads touched, desire burning between them like a blinding sunrise. They didn't need to say anything else, really, because they both understood each other's thoughts and the older man realized it was this connection that they shared that would keep the trust burning strong and steady no matter what should happen. He was more than ready to give himself over to it.

Roy shifted, pulling his legs under him so he could kneel, making him the taller of the two and tipped the blonde's chin up with one hand so that he could dive into his inviting mouth, touching upon every last secret place. He noted that as he rolled the tip of his tongue over the ridged palate, Ed's breath hitched, a tiny, whimpering moan flooding past his lips to slide down the older man's throat. They lost themselves to it, forgetting everything for a moment in favor of just kissing. It dawned on him then through the fog that clouded his brain that he would be perfectly content to kiss the blond for the rest of the day. Perhaps someday he'd do just that but now there was something weightier hovering over them. So he broke the kiss with some disappointment and smiled at the glazed expression that had fallen over Ed's face. As confident and as brave as he might have been, the boy was almost completely inexperienced, making him more open about everything he felt.

In the expectant silence that had fallen between them, he maneuvered off the window seat and caught one slender hand, tugging it as he made his way from the small, sun warmed room. The gold eyes were so wide he felt he could fall right through them and he caught himself at the doorway, pausing to draw the boy into another kiss so he could drink in every last beautiful detail. As he did this, he slid his hands under the familiar black jacket the younger alchemist is wearing, letting it slither to the floor and so caught up were they that the elegant fall of the sturdy material went unnoticed.

Another few steps are taken before they were distracted again and this time it was Roy's own jacket that was discarded near the entrance to the kitchen, clever fingers flattening the material of his white dress shirt and making him shiver. There was something in the unreserved way that Ed was touching him, seeking out as much contact as he could despite their still nearly completely dressed states that had heat curling deep in his stomach, delight and arousal wrapping around and around each other until he could barely tell them apart. But then, perhaps he didn't need to.

They continued their slow, lazy trek through the hallway, pausing for long intervals to explore each other's mouths. He let his hands slip into the younger alchemist's hair, shaking it lose from its sloppy tail and using his grip to tilt his head back even more only to groan when the blond arched into him. His own shirt was unbuttoned by then and he could feel the glide of a warm, slim torso as they moved, stepped, pushed together, getting closer, ever closer to the door at the end of the hall. His breath seemed to have disappeared, sucked away by a slick, insistent tongue and when the boy gave a happy little mewl into his mouth, he gripped the younger alchemist closer, moving one arm to lock around his waist. Gasping, the blond finally ripped away, face flushed and hair disheveled prettily around his face.

"Al's going to come home and wonder why it looks like the closet exploded all over the house," and Roy got caught up watching those full lips moving, swollen and shining with their shared saliva. Despite his protests, Ed pushed the older man's shirt from his shoulders and pressed his cheek to warm, pale skin, breath so hot it nearly scalded. Burning desire welled up in him then, strong enough to make him dizzy. Somehow, he managed a smile even as his hands found their way under the blonde's shirt to yank it unceremoniously over his head.

"From what I understand, Havoc is throwing a party at his place tonight so I think we're safe for a while," Ed snorted at this, amusement flickering in his eyes before he begged for another kiss, standing on his toes and pressing the length of his body into Roy's.

"Good," he breathed, "and you're the one who's going to be cleaning up later," the tone is husky and dark, sliding against his lips like a caress and he couldn't even voice a complaint for Ed's arms were wrapped around his torso, fingers tracing the line of his back. It was an innocent touch but he felt it all over his body even as his own hands explored the tawny planes of the blonde's back and hips. The pace was passionate and faster than he would have liked, especially considering how hard he was already, erection pressing firmly against the seam of his pants. Then he realized that while the younger alchemist may be new at this and was no doubt more than a little nervous, he was still Ed; the same boy who charged into any situation before asking questions. There was no doubt in his mind that this was going to be the same.

The bedroom was dark by the time they finally reached it, both of them wearing nothing more than their pants and they were still crushed together, still kissing. Desire, passion, raw, aching need heated his blood, surging through his veins and he knew that he would never feel this or want this with anyone else. It burned, shone, possessed and he wanted more, so much more. As Ed dragged his palms down the older man's pale chest, fingertips brushing over the hard nubs of his nipples, he felt his control beginning to slip slowly away, a sharp spike of pleasure shooting right to his cock. In an effort to back off just a little, he made himself break their increasingly frantic kiss, gulping in huge breaths of much needed air as he gently pushed the gold hair from Ed's flushed face.

"Roy," his name was like warm honey as the blond protested the sudden change, his gold eyes hazy, glazed with the same need that filled the air around them like a thick, heavy blanket, "Don't stop…_please_," He looked so desperate that the older man lifted one eyebrow, shivering at the feel of the lithe figure pressing against him, thigh to thigh, hips nearly aligned. It was perfect, so perfect.

"Such pretty words," it was such a deep, hungry sound that came from his throat and he wanted nothing more than to shove the boy over to the bed so he could just take but there was so much more he wanted to do. There was a time for hot, fast, dirty but it wouldn't be this time. He looked into that wide, needy gaze and he knew there was one last hurdle to overcome, one last barrier to break down. So he gathered up what was left of his shredded control and slid his hands down to slim, supple hips, walking the blond backwards. The way those full lips moved against his own, opened for him, pulled at him as they walked made his knees just a bit weak and his body tingle pleasantly. Ed moaned, arching against him anxiously, hands sliding against smooth, pale skin and nearly made the taller man fall over when he tried to force a knee between Roy's thighs. Eager, then, "Still so impatient," he breathed around a laugh, ignoring the indignant glare that peered up at him through disheveled strands of golden hair.

"And you're still a smug bastard—Ah!" such a wonderful little sound he made as the Colonel snaked one hand between their bodies and cupped the hot, straining bulge in the front of the boy's pants. The reaction was immediate, the blond holding on to the older man's shoulders as he rolled and ground his palm, drinking in the sharp, panted breaths and whining moans. As hard as he was, Ed's pleasure was the more important and he was content to hold back and watch the blond come undone.

"So beautiful," and he was, every last part of him as he lifted his hips into the older man's hand, pleasure and desperation softening his features. Roy could feel the heat right through two layers of clothing as he moved his hand, skillfully working the hot length. The bright head tipped back, baring the elegant line of a slender neck and he couldn't resist the temptation to taste, to mark. It tasted of salt and sun and honey and _life_, everything that Ed _should_ taste like. He sucked and licked and dragged his teeth along the throbbing pulse point, making the younger man shudder and cry out, his voice bright in the shadowy room. _Want him, want him so bad, need to feel him, his beautiful skin, his soft hair, everything…_

Wasting no time, he gently pressed the smaller alchemist back again, the blonde's knees hitting the edge of the mattress so that he lost balance and fell back. Before, when Roy had looked at the waiting piece of furniture, it was just a simple bed, something he used to sleep upon, borrowing its comfort for the night. Yet now, with Ed sprawled upon it looking so stunning and so lost, it was more. It was a place for them, just them where the rest of the world couldn't reach, contort, twist what was between them. When the blond looked up at him, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, the trust and desire in the depths of his eyes speared Roy through his heart.

Now that they were here, he noticed a little hesitation shining through the younger man's expression as the realization that they were indeed going to do this was apparently sinking in. He was happy to note there was no fear but the uncertainty was there none the less. Just like that it was back to slow, which was okay too.

"Move back just a bit," he said softly as he slipped onto the bed, following the blond as he shuffled back so that only his feet hung off the side of the mattress. The Colonel's fingers looked like ivory against the caramel softness of the blonde's skin as he slid his palm up the slope of the strong stomach, feeling the muscles there shift and tremble under his touch. Silver flashed as Ed twisted his automail into the sheets, wide gaze intent on the older man as he continued his path upwards, stroking the curves of the boy's pectorals and elegant wings of his collar bones. It was right, this pace that he set; something as beautiful as this should be worshipped, loved, respected not forcefully taken. Something like this should be wooed and savored. As he followed the wandering path of his own fingers, he hoped to convey at least just a fraction of the adoration he felt for this boy.

As his trek ended at the small hollow behind the blonde's ear, he leaned in and went backwards, only with his lips this time, taking long moments to suck on nipples and soft skin, rolling his tongue into the boy's navel, which had slim fingers burying in his hair while Ed groaned loudly at the ceiling. Every last bit of him tasted delicious, even the fine hairs that trailed down towards the thick belt still fastened around the slender hips which his fingers seemed to have found without him even realizing it. Needing to hear more of the wonderful sounds the blond made, he dipped his head lower, breathing in the strong scent of denim and the musk of arousal before rubbing his cheek against the tented material.

"Holy hell!" it was just the reaction he had hoped to hear and he smiled to himself as the younger man squirmed, hips bucking. The sharp scent of the other alchemist was making his mouth water and he teased the hot length through the heavy material with his breath, lips, teeth, _anything_ to hear more of those sounds. And Ed didn't disappoint, gasping a jumble of words that sounded like _yes, yes, please, oh God, oh, yes…_

Yet as wonderful as it all was, he wanted more and he ignored the way the younger man's fists tightened in his hair was he pulled away to undo the thick belt and the fasteners on the jeans, hands shaking ever so slightly in anticipation. Yes, he wanted this _so much_. The way his name sounded in that rough, honeyed voice was wonderful, sending little bolts of electric lust right to the heat pooling and coiling in his belly. He wondered just how long he would be able to hold out. All the same, he dragged the younger man's pants down slowly, taking his time to slide his fingers over warm skin and cold metal alike, drinking in every last inch of skin as it was bared.

_Oh_, was all he could think as jeans and boxers hit the floor,_ oh, oh, _because when he finally thinks Ed couldn't get any more beautiful, he's proven wrong. Slender and golden and _perfect_ and never has that word been so accurate as it is now. The sight of the young alchemist lying hard, wanting and completely naked on Roy's bed stole away his breath.

He didn't know how long he stared, hungrily taking in every last detail, from the neat ankles to the shadowy dips of his hip bones to the flushed, sticky head of his cock before Ed's little shift of underlying discomfort dragged him back to the present. He had to fight the urge to crawl over top of the boy and start in on any little place that fascinated him, just barely holding back. Instead, he stood at the edge of the bed and lifted one shapely leg.

Their gazes caught and he couldn't look away as he pressed his lips to the inviting curve of the blonde's ankle. Through the breathless silence that had settled over the room, he felt the connection so strongly it sang as it blazed through his soul. The eye contact made it so intimate and Ed's face was so open, letting him see the parts of him he usually kept hidden away. How could he ever be worthy of this he wondered as he brushed his fingers against the soft, gold hairs, following the strong line of the younger man's calf, kissing and nipping every place he touched.

Over the knobby dip of the knee to the graceful arch of the satiny thigh, first outside to the slight curve of Ed's hip then inside, where the skin was smoother, warmer. When his fingers touched the back of the blonde's knee, he had squirmed a bit but it wasn't until Roy began to gently suck on the sensitive skin of his inner leg did he make another noise, eyelids flickering. Here the scent of his arousal was thick and heady, nearly making the older man's eyes roll back yet he somehow managed to restrain himself from touching the full, needy erection lying against the blonde's stomach. He wanted to; wanted to trace the throbbing vein along the underside and lick up the pool of pearly cum gathering on Ed's belly that mingled with salty sweat. There was no point, he supposed, to hide the way his hands were shaking as he reached for the silver, metal ankle next.

Though he paid less attention to the automail limb, he still couldn't help lying a few kisses along the elegant joint of the knee and sucking a few of the toes into his mouth, flooding his senses with the coppery taste of metal. Ed made a broken sound in the back of his throat when he did that, their eyes still watching each other intently. Roy made it up to the ragged, raised scars where the prosthetics melded with flesh before a demanding hand wound into his dark hair, beginning him to do something else, something more, the silent plea backed by beautiful, lust-darkened eyes.

"Stop teasing…" the husky voice was even rougher than usual and the older man had to almost physically pull himself together as the sound went right through him. Running an unsteady hand through his hair, he bent swiftly to press a quick, chaste kiss to the blonde's navel and then took a step back.

Confusion glittered like a hazy question in the gold gaze, slender hands reaching out towards him and grasping empty air, much to Ed's dismay. Even though it only took a moment for him to reach over and rummage through the draw beside the bed, he still felt loath to leave the younger alchemist alone on that great, engulfing bed. It was a stupid sentiment but the boy just looked so open and desperate, sprawled over the dark comforter, letting Roy see him without the raised shields and dark past. The person he was looking at was just Ed, in all of his unbridled passion, willing to give himself up.

Within his chest, a great beast raised its head and roared _mine!_

Then the moment was up, time grinding onwards as it does and he was standing beside the bed again, a small, cool jar in his hand. Unfortunately there wasn't a lot left but there was enough for tonight; and he definitely needed it. It was of the upmost importance that the blond felt as little pain as possible. The very thought had his heart racing uncontrollably in anticipation and he barely heard Ed's question through the rush of heat through his veins.

"What's that?" for a second all he could do was blink at the plastic jar in his hand and then he realized that the curiosity in the questioning gaze was genuine. The boy really didn't know what it was. Grinning and in an effort to tamp down on his own raging libido, he lifted it up and shook it teasingly.

"What, this? Don't tell me you don't know what lube is," it was almost comforting that they could fall back on their old bickering even here, both of them naked and hard for each other but the glare that followed his good-natured jibe was familiar and he almost expected the boy to cross his arms over his chest. He didn't but it was a near thing. Instead Ed huffed indignantly, blush darkening momentarily.

"Of course I do, you ass," he growled, not meeting the older man's gaze which usually meant he was lying and then Roy was pinned by that glare again that had no business making his cock twitch longingly within his pants but it did anyway, "Besides, it's not like I've had a whole lot of time for this kind of stuff," it was another familiarity, one that made him smile as he moved forward, intent on climbing onto the bed. Yet it seemed the younger alchemist had other ideas. A chilly, metal foot in the middle of his chest made Roy pause and when he looked up at the blond, he could barely make out any color in his heated gaze, "Why am I the only one naked here?" hard toes prodded him but it was the hunger burning up at him through the disheveled fall of sunshine hued hair that made him step back again. The demand in the gesture dried all the moisture in his mouth and he could barely concentrate.

"Well," he rasped as he reached for the button on the blue trousers, "I just didn't want to intimidate you, that's all," and despite the disgruntled look of disbelief the younger man adopted, he was well aware of those eyes watching every single one of his movements. Watching, drinking him in until he was sure he would drown. Ed snorted disdainfully and his dismissive,

"Yeah right," was cutting and sarcastic but it seemed half hearted even to Roy's ears. The gold eyes barely blinked as long, pale fingers hooked into the material of his pants and band of his boxers, staring unabashedly as the rest of his clothing slid with a whisper to the floor. He supposed the look that crossed the blonde's face then was rather fascinating, a mingling of awe, anxiety and raw, open hunger. Strangely, it made the older man somewhat nervous as he let the boy look him over for a second or two, registering the way the gold was blown out nearly completely by black and how Ed had to lick his lips several times as if he didn't have enough moisture in his mouth.

When their eyes met a moment later, the hot blaze of desire that stared back at him hit him like a blow to the gut. It left him feeling somewhat breathless as he slipped onto the bed beside the younger alchemist, who had yet to look away and he shivered as one warm hand and one cold glided over his chest, hips and stomach. The almost shy touches went right to his aching erection that bobbed against the slope of his abdomen, flushed and sticky. Ed turned towards him as he settled on his side, continuing to map out the older man's body as he was drawn into a deep, searching kiss. It was slow but he could feel it all the way down to his toes, underlining their need for one another; need to taste, to touch, to _clam, want it so bad_…

He found every last spot in the hot mouth that made the blonde pant as he shivered and gasped under the onslaught of those hands, still touching, teasing. They strayed to his waist and the backs of his thighs, following the curve of his back and when they slipped shamelessly to caress his buttocks, he couldn't help but press into them, a flood of ecstasy pouring over his nerves, making him moan helplessly into Ed's mouth.

The motion sent their hips crashing together a moment later and he was lost in the spiraling brilliance of it. It left them both gasping helplessly, sharing hot, panting breaths as they clung to each other, lost in a sudden steady rhythm of movement and pleasure. It went on longer than he would have liked, the two of them grinding, bucking while desperate, grasping hands, silver, ivory, gold, stroked and grabbed at every inch of skin they could reach. His control lay about him in ragged tatters and he could think of nothing but how wonderful it felt to be like this with Ed.

It wasn't until he noticed the tell-tale heavy tightness in his groin signaling his eminent orgasm that he realized he should probably stop. He didn't want to come, not yet. Judging by the way Ed's movements had become frantic and unsteady, he was not far behind. It took all of his will power to pause the motion of his hips and grab hold of the blonde's waist, gripping tight.

"Wha? No…" the mumbled complaint sighed against his lips but he evaded the younger alchemist's needy attempts to draw him back in, instead admiring the way the blond strands clung to damp skin and the pert nose wrinkled in irritation at the fizzle of denied pleasure. Though he knew exactly how Ed felt, the older man managed a chuckle, pushing back the tangled bangs to peer into nearly black eyes.

"Hang on, Ed. Not yet," he urged, pressing soft kisses to the sharp line of the younger alchemist's jaw as they attempted to catch their breath. When the blond turned his head with a soft hum, Roy let himself be caught by the full lips.

"Roy," the boy whined as they broke apart, licking greedily as the pale chin, "Please, _please_," and to underline his desperation, he twisted his hips as if asking for any kind of friction. The Colonel shivered at the display, cock twitching and something inside of him broke.

"Alright, love. Can you turn on your stomach for me?" This was the true test; the moment where Ed's trust in him held out. Or didn't. There was a long moment where the younger alchemist searched his face, eyes suddenly and alarmingly guarded. But the pause was followed with a small nod, slender fingers tracing the dark haired man's upper lip.

"I trust you," Ed said simply, gaze dark and wide and the words made Roy's heart clench. No matter how much he thought he had the blond figured out, he always did something else that stole the older man's breath and made him fall a little bit more in love. Ed moved without hesitation until he was lying face down, head turned so that he could peer at the Colonel through the fall of his hair. Such a beautiful sight he made, so open, so trusting, waiting for Roy to do something, anything. It made him want to protect him, love him, hold him so close he would feel the boy's heartbeat through his body until their pulses throbbed in unison.

Swallowing hard around the hard lump in his throat, he leaned over the younger alchemist, lips brushing over the tense line of the mismatched shoulders. Of course the kid was nervous, he reasoned with himself with a warm flood of affection. All things considered, it was the first time he was having sex and though his virginity had been stolen from him already, this was the first time he was willing giving himself to someone. The raw feeling in the older man's chest nearly choked him as he breathed in the soft, musky scent at the nape of the blonde's neck.

He started slowly, with gentle, fleeting kisses down the line of Ed's back, fingers following the dips and curves of firm muscle and sloping shoulder blades. It took several full minutes to get the younger alchemist to relax completely into the comforter and only then did the older man allow his hands to move lower. The boy really did have a nice butt and he took great pleasure in running his hands over the firm, round muscle, all the while listening to the blonde's tiny sighs. The intrusion would be subtle, his fingers and then his tongue wandering closer and closer to the inviting dip that lead to the younger man's most intimate place. Finally, he slipped one finger into the space and paused, rubbing the smooth skin at the end of Ed's spine and beginning of his crack.

His concern was for naught, however, for the blond gave a little gasping shudder and arched his back, silently asking for more.

One hand continued its path, gliding between the twin globes as he reach for the jar of lube with the other, just letting the blond get used to the sensation of being touched there. Ed seemed to like it because he lifted his hips slightly, spreading his legs enough so that the older man had easier access. It was just another sign of that trust, this absolute vulnerability that the boy was showing him. Not only was he trusting Roy not to hurt him but to make him feel good, handing over his pleasure so completely as to rely totally on the Colonel. He realized he had never had anyone do that before. Usually there was always some kind of power struggle, a play for control, even if it was just a little but like this, Ed could do nothing but let the older man do as he would. Somewhere in his mind, behind the haze of desire invoked by the sight the blond made with his hips tilted and legs spread in invitation, he was reeling.

Still those eyes watched him, warm and not one bit hesitant, just waiting to see what he would do next. He was determined not to disappoint.

"Just stay relaxed, Ed," his voice was as low and as comforting as he could make it and he was answered with a low _hmmm _of affirmation. With the smooth, slick oil warming on his fingers, he reached around and circled the exposed pucker with his index finger, taking delight in the way the watchful eyes flickered as a shudder went through the slender frame. His other hand stroked lower, rubbing the skin behind the heavy testicles and then teasing the firm, round sacs themselves, determined to make the penetration as seamless as possible.

It worked with the first finger as he slowly slid it past the tight ring of muscle, nearly groaning out loud at the feel of being sucking into such blinding heat. It was like Ed housed an entire inferno that ate at Roy, pulling at him until the long digit was all the way in. His other hand never stopped moving, alternating between the blonde's hard, silky cock and his testicles, drawing long, low sounds from the boy that set the older man's blood on fire. Ed was incredible like this, pressing forward into his touches and he almost didn't seem to notice there was already one finger already inside of him.

Slowly, he circled that finger, pushing against slick muscle that gave slightly under his ministrations, watching from his side view as the darkened gaze glazed over. Pre cum eased from the tip of the arching erection, dripping to the dark comforter and slicking his fingers. Carefully, he added more lube to his hand and added a second finger, the resistance this time a little bit greater. Ed definitely noticed this time and he whimpered softly into the bunched material he had his mouth pressed into, eyes now focused on the older man beside him, who stopped only his one hand, keeping the other steadily moving over the blonde's erection.

"Okay?" he asked softly, allowing the boy to get used to the addition. Ed made a soft huffing nose and lifted his head enough so that Roy saw the deep flush that had stained his cheeks, the color rich and irresistible.

"Please, don't stop," the younger alchemist breathed, his voice somewhat unsteady, pushing back against the Colonel's fingers. Swallowing dryly and very conscious of the throbbing ache between his own thighs, he experimentally swirled his fingers around, looking for the little spot that would make preparation much easier on the boy. He could tell Ed was trying to relax by the way he was breathing and how he was carefully not clenching around the intrusion. It seemed to work, too, until the dark haired man crooked his fingers. "Fuck!" the exclamation was muffled but the way his fingers suddenly seemed to be clamped in a vise was as clear a signal as any. The blond made another whining sound but this time it was not out of discomfort for he was rocking his hips back into Roy's hand, seeking more of that sensation.

"There, hmm?" the gaze he was fixed with was desperate again, hungry for more and he answered it by rolling his fingertips on the little round nub hard enough he knew the younger man had to be seeing stars. Ed's reaction was intense, howling sharply and bucking his hips back violently, surprising Roy, who grinned a moment later as he savored every last moment. He kept the pressure on the younger alchemist's prostate the entire time, always finding that spot as he began to spread and thrust his fingers, loosening the tight muscles. The whole while, the blond shuddered and moaned, his entire body now slick and shiny with sweat. Everything about him from his impossible heat clenching rhythmically around the older man's fingers to the needy, breathless noises he made only served to make his own cock throb even more. The need to replace his hand with his dick was becoming increasingly harder to ignore and his own breathing was labored by the time he slipped in the third finger.

"Ah!" the golden head tossed at the new intrusion but it clearly wasn't unwelcome for it was accompanied by a pulse of more pre cum staining his covers, dripping now in a steady stream from Ed's erection. Roy's, too, leaked in sympathy, smearing on his thighs and belly, as if it was attached to the words now tumbling from the blonde's mouth, "_yes, yes, there…oh, fuck…uh, hunn, Roy_," God, he needed the boy to come and he needed it now. He could tell Ed was about to, thrusting hard into the tunnel of the older man's hand and then back into his incessant fingers. Practically trembling, he applied as much pressure to the younger alchemist's sweet spot as he could and leaned forward so he could whisper against the shell of a warm ear.

"Come on, Ed. Do it," and tightened his fight around his erection. The boy seemed to freeze, breath stuttering in his lungs before he arched hard into the pleasure, cock twitching as he came. Roy watched in fascination, the ache inside of him now painful as the boy clamped his eyes closed and cried out, hips jerking as hot, pearly cum splattered his chest, the comforter and the older man's hand. It was incredible and for a second he thought he was going to come to orgasm just from watching. The feel of the blonde's anus clenching impossibly hard around his fingers made him wonder what it would feel like around his cock and his groan was a counterpoint to Ed's sharp gasping, moans.

The following collapse was inelegant yet endearing as the blonde's knees gave out, sending him sprawling forward. He looked completely undone, hair all about him in an elegant tangle as his sides heaved, fingers still tangled within the covers. Aftershocks shook his body, making him tremble and his eyes had that far off look that came with a particularly strong release. It had also helped him achieve that perfect relaxation that Roy had been looking for; though he had let the boy fall forward, his fingers remained buried inside of him, still stretching and moving.

It took a few moments for Ed to come back to himself, gaze clearing as he looked over at the older man. They were silent for a bit, the air around them still heavy with arousal and he dipped his head to kiss the blond slowly, the comforting gesture mingled with desire. Strangely, though he was still painfully hard, it was almost like he could wait a bit longer. The change in position altered the angle of his fingers, making them accidently brush against the younger alchemist's prostate again.

"Hmm, Roy…" there was still very little gold in Ed's eyes when they broke apart but he seemed to have enough energy to lift one hand and wrap it around the wrist Roy was using to brace himself against the bed, "Why did you let me come? What about you?" he asked softly, shivering when the Colonel finally pulled his fingers free. The concern for him was cute and he kissed the boy again before gently rolling him onto his back.

"It's fine. I wanted you to be as relaxed as possible," Hopefully it would be enough, though he doubted that by this stage Ed would retreat back into himself. It was still a possibility, though and even the blond seemed to understand that. So he just sighed and wrapped a cool, metal arm around the older man's neck, once again opening his legs so Roy could settle between them. The young alchemist was still half hard and he gasped when the bigger man's weight pressed him down into the mattress, hard fingers digging into pale skin. Balancing on his elbows on either side of Ed's chest, he ignored his own desire for a moment and concentrated on the tawny skin before him, marking it as he licked away sweat and cum.

"Roy…" his name was a long, drawn out moan and he lifted his head to find the younger man glaring down at him, "You don't have to coddle me. I'm fucking _ready_," and he lifted his hips, grinding them meaningfully into the older man above him. The words and the slide of their bodies, chests, hips, thighs, all coalesced in the burning pit of his stomach and he nodded jerkily, wondering where battered plan to take it slow had gone to. It was there, somewhere in the back of his mind like the broken peels of an ineffective warning bell but when those slim, mismatched legs lifted up and wrapped around his waist, there was nothing to be done.

Trembling, sweaty and breathless, he reached down with one hand to line himself up, the tip if his cock nudging the little rosy pucker. Ed grunted softly at the feeling, shifting one of his legs so that when he tightened it, it forced the older man forward. So he obeyed, pressing in. They both gasped at the feeling of him finally breaching the first ring of muscle, pausing to allow for some adjusting for which he was thankful. It would be rather counterproductive should he come too early and he doubted Ed would be too happy about it. Especially since, surprisingly enough, he was already back to full hardness, the blaze of desire bright in his darkened gaze. When he opened his mouth to ask if the younger alchemist was alright, he got a hard heel in his kidney.

"Don't say it. Just keep going," despite his words, the blonde's voice was weak and more than a little breathless. Still, Roy didn't think he could stop now anyway. As much as he loved Ed and didn't want to hurt him, he was still human.

Nothing, and he _meant_ nothing, had ever or could ever feel as good as Ed did right then.

It was like being sucked into a burning tunnel of velvet, so tight around him he forgot what it meant to breathe. He just wanted to get lost in it, forever, over and over again. Even if he never found his release (though that was hardly going to be a problem), he wouldn't care; it just felt so fucking _amazing_. The blond remained silent the entire time but he couldn't hide his shaking or the way he clung to the older man, pain clouding his eyes. Taking a deep breath, Roy stopped as soon as he was all the way in and leaned in to pepper the younger man's face with soft, distracting kisses in hopes it would help. He wondered blearily who needed the distraction more, him or Ed.

Finally the blond turned his head so that his lips pressed against the older man's dark hair and breathed _more_.

One little word and he shattered.

The drag against the length of his cock as he pulled back nearly made him whimper and he blindly pushed in again just to find more of it. The legs around him tightened briefly and he opened eyes that he didn't realize had fallen closed to look down at the young man below him. There were no remnants of pain left on Ed's face now as he met Roy's next thrust with parted lips and open hunger. It was then that he realized the reality of what he was doing. Every negative connotation and association was being wiped away. Not just about sex but about everything. First it had been about trust, then love but now there was something else, something he couldn't name that bound them together in a way he had never expected. They couldn't _live_ without one another; it was almost as if their souls were already bound and it had just taken a tragedy for them to find one another. Neither he nor Ed would ever need to be alone again.

In this, their first joining as true lovers, they were accepting one another in every single way possible.

Their rhythm wasn't perfect at first as Ed tried to match the older man's movements with ones of his own that were too fast and Roy couldn't get the angle right. It didn't really matter, though, because the blond whispered softly with every one of Roy's inward strokes, eyes sliding closed and face open and slack with pleasure. Yet just when he thought it couldn't get any better, he shifted slightly and his next thrust hit right on the younger alchemist's prostate, making him jerk, gasping loudly and his inner muscles clench slightly.

"Shit, shit…" he hissed, pushing in deeper as he felt the heat pooling in his groin beginning to intensify. Ed blinked up at him, eyes black, before pulling his knees towards his chest and throwing his head back with a cry when that pulled the older man even deeper. God, it was _brilliant_. So hot, so tight and he moved harder, faster, listening to every one of the blonde's cries. And Ed took everything only to beg for more. Spurred on by the husky, broken voice in his ear, he gave it to him.

By now he was barely holding back and in a desperate attempt to make the younger alchemist come before he lost it, he slipped a hand between their bodies and curled it around the boy's erection. The blond gasped Roy's name and the older man caught the sound with his lips.

Neither one of them broke the kiss when they came, Ed first with the Colonel not far behind.

The younger man sucked in a deep breath and seemed to freeze just for a moment before his back arched clear off the bed, his cry caught in the back of his throat when Roy refused to relinquish his mouth. Warmth spread across their overheated skin and in the next moment, right after the first wave of Ed's orgasm had struck, he clamped down on the older man inside of him. It was so tight, it bordered on pain and having been so close to his own release for as long as he had, the Colonel just couldn't hold back anymore.

Pleasure crested over him like the breaking of a storm, flooding his entire body with bright, tingling heat, erasing the entire world that had turned into white mist before his eyes, glittering with burning spots of gold. It seemed to go on forever, wracking his body as he panted into Ed's open mouth, the two of them clinging to each other as if a great flood had risen to sweep them away.

…and he let the dark tide possess him…

**

The house was dark and silent as he padded from his bedroom, not bothering with any lights. It was such a familiar pattern, wandering around his house in the middle of the night. The sun had long ago disappeared from the sky and judging by the full, deep silence, it was very late. Keeping track of the time while he had been ensconced in his room with Ed had been the last thing on his mind but now he was surprised at how long they had been otherwise occupied. The thought made him smile. He hadn't realized what the blonde's reaction to the Colonel's anger earlier that day was going to lead to but despite his regret over his actions, he wasn't going to bemoan the results. Perhaps, he pondered as he walked down the hall towards the kitchen in order to dig up some water and painkillers they would both no doubt need in the morning, his blazing and rather destructive show of protectiveness was what had finally tipped the scales. He had known the boy loved him and _wanted_ to give himself to the older man but just need to be shown that Roy would, in fact, do anything for him, including exact revenge for him, however unwanted it might have been.

When he had finally gathered enough energy to roll off the younger alchemist earlier, the boy had curled against him, eyes wide and glittering in the soft light coming in from the window. It was the one thing he had noticed about living in the city; no matter how late, it was never truly dark.

"Why the hell did I wait so long for that?" Ed had sighed, grinning a little when Roy lifted one dark eyebrow. For a moment he had been mesmerized by the way his pale fingers looked carding through the damp, golden hair that tumbled across his chest. Yet before he had a chance to come up with something witty, which was somewhat of a lost cause because he had always been somewhat stupid after sex, Ed's expression had turned introspective, "You know, it's weird…" and he paused, drawing random patterns over the older man's skin.

"What's that?" he had asked, jostling the younger man just a bit to gain his attention. The look he had been fixed with then had been warm enough that Roy's heart skipped a beat or two.

"I've thought about what it would be like, to be with you like this, for years," there he had blushed but when the older man remained silent, he had gone back to watching his tawny fingers mapping out the contours of the Colonel's shoulder and neck, "You're nothing like I thought you'd be," he had finally confessed and Roy had been able to feel the boy's blush radiating against his skin.

"Uh, is that a bad thing?" he ventured, wondering if the softness to the husky tenor was disappointment but then Ed had laughed softly and wrapped his arms securely around the older man.

"It's a very good thing, I promise," and then had taken a good natured jab at the obvious delicacy of the Colonel's ego, to which he had no choice but to respond in kind. His usual "short" comment, however, was met with not the usual ire but a kiss to the side of his neck, which made him wonder. They had lapsed into an easy silence then, listening to each other breathe and he had been content to think of absolutely nothing beyond how _right_ it felt to lay there like that, Ed's head pillowed against his chest while the silence of the house made itself known. Just when he had thought about rousing them so they could clean up and then go to sleep, the blond had lifted his head and peered down at him through the shadows, the color gold just visible in the dim light, "Um, Roy? Can I ask you something?" he'd fidgeted after he asked that, as if he was uncomfortable.

"Of course," there was another short pause and some more shuffling.

"Can I…well, can I make you feel like that this time?" he had been somewhat baffled by the question and had taken some moments of blinking at his increasingly nervous lover before he realized what Ed had meant.

"You want to top?" he'd blurted, making the younger man blush even harder but he nodded, fidgeting more pronounced now. It was cute the way he asked and was completely embarrassed by it and Roy found he was not in the least bit put off by the notion. In fact, it was rather appealing.

"I just want you to feel as good as I did," Ed had mumbled before the older man could agree and had been answered with a hard, searching kiss that left them, once again, breathless.

And it had felt good. Different, yes, but no less amazing and it hadn't even mattered that Ed had finished first. He had been extremely attentive and though somewhat hesitant at first, had given Roy everything he could have asked for. It was the first time for him as well but he hadn't mentioned that to the already nervous blond. There was some pain, yes, but it had faded away until it was just some flickering memory burned away by passion. He couldn't even find it in himself to be disappointed when the heat of Ed's release had filled him only a few strokes before his own orgasm washed through him and then even that didn't matter when the blond had gone down on him to finish him off. This time, thankfully, without any unfortunate or painful mishaps.

At least, he had decided then when they were gasping through the afterglow, nothing would ever get boring with Ed.

He had left the boy sleeping soundly amid the rumpled sheets, finally worn out, to slip into the bathroom so he could clean them both up with a warm, damp rag. The blond hadn't even stirred when he gently cleaned off the tawny skin and then rearranged him so he was tucked beneath the comforter rather than sprawled on top of it. The action had set of a fierce pang of protectiveness in him and even now all he wanted to do was go back and curl up around the younger man. Once the ferocity of such emotion would have frightened him but not now.

Ed was _his_ as he was Ed's.

Nothing had ever been so simple yet so complicated before but in spite of all the things that could go wrong as well as right, it was perfect.

This was the first time he had been truly happy in a very, very long time.

**

Al stepped into the darkened house with some trepidation. He had been leery at first going to Havoc's party after what had happened at headquarters that day but then he figured that it was probably best he leave Ed alone with Roy. Whatever the outcome, he was rather keen about not getting caught in the middle of it.

Still, it was very quiet when he closed the door softly behind him, wondering where they both were. After all, it wasn't terribly late and he doubted they would have gone to bed already. A soft sound at his feet distracted him, though and he was rather surprised to find that he was being greeted by both his own cat, Rain, and Naomi, mewling softly as they did when they were hungry.

"Aww, did they forget to feed you?" he asked softly as if he was afraid to disturb the thick stillness that had settled on the house. Being used to the dark as he tended to wander at night in place of sleeping, he left the lights off and went about feeding the cats, wincing every time he bumped into something or his armor creaked more than normal. It wasn't until he stepped out into the hall where they kept the cans of food in a closet that he noticed the trail of clothing leading from the nook down the dark hall to where he knew Roy's bedroom was.

Al blinked. Looked at the clothes. Blinked again.

Then he realized that if he could actually grin, he would be. After everything that happened, all he wanted for his brother to find his happiness. He'd known for a while now that the Colonel shared Ed's feelings and had even walked in on them in some rather…compromising positions but he had been able to tell Ed was holding back. The hurt had run too deep and Al couldn't really blame him. The things that had been done to his older brother still gave the younger boy waking nightmares.

Now it seemed, though, that Ed's trust and love for the older man had won over. Giddy and giggling softly to himself, Al cheerfully fed the two impatient felines, pausing to run a large hand over their fur.

"Well, it's about time," he said out loud and then wondered if he should be more upset by the fact that his brother had sex with the Colonel. Really, though, he was just relieved. It meant Ed had finally been able to move on and anything that made him happy made Al happy. Besides, with all the wishes and fantasies he had about the blond Second Lt. whose house he had just returned from, it would be rather hypocritical to be disturbed by it.

Still, he reasoned as he flicked the low light over the stove on and snatched the book he had been reading from his own borrowed bedroom, he could make Roy squirm a bit. The image of watching the usually confident man shifting uncomfortably under Al's questions about his intentions towards his brother made him laugh. Sure, he knew the older man was trust worthy; he would have discouraged Ed's crush on him a long time ago if that were not the case. But that didn't mean he couldn't have fun with it.

As he settled down at the table to wait, it was the first time in many years he could truly remember what it would feel like to smile.

**_...To be continued _(in the epilogue!!!)**


	12. After All

**A/N: Kekeke!!! IT'S DONE!!!! YATTA!!!!! OMG!!!! wow! I'm totally psyched!!!! I just ADORE this story and it's finally done!!! YAY!!! Anyway, it's been fun writing this for you guys; thank you all for your wonderful reviews! They keep this poor, little writer happy and, many times, alive. *hands out big, hot cookies with goo-y insides* mmm, those sound tasty. Oops, getting off track *wipes away drool* Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me, especially through that ridiculous dry spell that kicked my ass a couple weeks ago. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! Enjoy the last chapter and look for the side-story for Al! (which may take some time, so please be patient) Now, onwards to the next story!!!!!

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Epilogue:

"Randy! Get back here!"

The five year old boy with the wild red hair tore through the back yard, screaming at the top of his lungs as Ed chased after him in vain, hoping to bring the little hooligan currently high on too much sugar to task before he hurt himself. Or someone else. The yard was rather crowded with people and tables set up for both food and for eating at and it was all he needed to have the kid knocking into something. The blond winced at the images of disaster that came to mind and narrowly avoided tripping over a chair the red head had managed to leap neatly over.

He actually liked the little shit most of the time; he was smart and had an amazing stubborn streak that reminded him of himself. Plus, it didn't hurt that he worshipped the blond like an older brother, fascinated every time he performed alchemy, which, if Randy had his way, would be all the time.

Just then the boy spotted something around the side of the house and squealed loudly, changing directions abruptly. Confused, Ed paused and then smiled at the cheer that went up from right around the corner of the house.

"Uncle Alphonse!! You're here!" his own brother's voice answered back, sounding a bit hassled already, though Ed couldn't really blame him. While Randy might follow the blond around all the time it was nothing to the absolute adoration he lavished upon Al every time he visited. Ed loved it when his younger brother came over because, he had to admit, it gave him a little bit of a breather on the baby-sitting front. Not wanting to get caught up in that again, he back tracked towards the patio where Roy had taken position in front of the grill and plopped down in the grass beside him.

"Chasing the kid around again?" the older man spared him an amused glance, dark eyes glittering in the bright summer sun and for a moment Ed considered sneering at the apron he was wearing just to get a jab in but decided against it. Instead he just leaned forward against his knees and watched where his younger brother had just joined the growing crowd with a practically vibrating red headed five-year-old in toe.

"Why does he do that only to me, not listening when I tell him to do something?" he whined, resting his chin in his arms, voice at odds with the warm, contented feeling curling in his chest. Then he shot a resentful look at the dark haired man expertly flipping over the line of hamburgers, "Anyway, he's yours…"

Randy actually wasn't Roy's kid but he had met the boy while the Colonel was out laying down the very patio he was currently standing on a few months ago and the youngster had instantly become a fixture in their lives. Not that Ed minded and his lover was quite fond of the red head. He lived two houses down with his mother and had watched his father beat her up on a regular basis until the man simply left one day. Randy's mother, Rebecca, had been nearly at wits end until Roy had shuttled the boy back to his house and had the boy declare him his "Dad". Thus their baby-sitting gig. Ed still got a kick out of the whole thing and that was why he teased the Colonel with "ownership" of the red head. Strangely, during the times the boy barged into their house without asking or stayed over because his mother couldn't get away from one of her many jobs, they felt like a real family. An odd one, perhaps, but to him, it was whole, something he had not felt in a long time.

"That's because he recognizes a kindred soul in you, Ed. It's no wonder, really, as your maturity levels are about the same," Roy laughed at his own joke for about two seconds before he was dodging a quickly transmuted brick from the patio that came roaring at his head in the shape of a short, oddly proportioned spear. He blinked and then whirled on the blond, face set, "Don't rip apart my patio! I just put it in!!" secretly, Ed loved it when the older man got worked up like that; it was insanely hot.

"Then don't compare me to a fucking five-year-old, you fucking geezer!!" he screeched back, leaping to his feet and matching the bigger man with a glare of his own. They were both fully prepared for a face off, ignoring the rapidly accumulating audience when a familiar voice broke in.

"Oh, dear, fighting again, nii-san?" Ed blinked and then grimaced at his younger brother who had just made his way through the rest of the guests, a red headed child hanging off one of his arms and a blond, blue eyed Second Lt. at his back. Al had been a scrawny thing when they had finally rescued him from the other side of the Gate but now he towered over everyone at the party, including his lover that stood behind him, which was quite a feat Ed often thought with healthy doses of bitterness. Ed had grown but he was nowhere near as tall as his little brother.

"Hey, Al!" he grinned and then just waved at Roy as if he suddenly became insignificant, "He's just being a bas—jerk again," the older man growled under his breath, the sound running right through Ed in a wave of heated desire but before he could send a smoldering, apologetic look his way, Randy giggled and then tackled him around the knees.

"You were going to say bastard!! That's a bad word, Edward-nii-san!!" he turned his molten glare downwards, planting his hands on his hips. Unfortunately, the kid picked up on curse words faster than Ed had the opportunity to dole them out, which had gotten him a rather frightening earful from the boy's mother. Yet it seemed Randy was the only kid in Central that didn't cower under the power of his rather potent glare.

"I did not!" he growled, trying to dislodge the vice around his legs.

"Did too!" which then quickly degraded into a rather demeaning screaming match of "did too" and "did not"-s before Randy took off through the crowd again, cackling and announcing if Ed couldn't catch him, he was a slug. Of course that meant he couldn't lose this time. He didn't think he could bear Roy teasing him about being bested by a child again while they were alone.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU BRAT!!!"

~*~

Al leaned quietly against the large oak tree that took up one entire corner of Roy's back yard, watching as the sun slipped from the sky in an explosion of bright color and then as it was replaced by the lights placed about the tables and in the branches of the trees. It had been more than a year since he and his brother had first moved into Roy's house; a year since his brother had been destroyed and then remade. In that time, they had both managed to regain their bodies and had both found their happiness. For a long time, it looked as if it would be hopeless but the fight they had put up had not been in vain. And fight they had, with every last ounce of will they possessed.

He just had to stand back and take it all in because it was times like these, it was hard to believe it was real. It didn't feel real, the way everything had come together so perfectly. Of course, he knew there would be more trouble; nothing in life was ever or would ever be perfect. But for now they had been given this and in this moment, it couldn't possibly be any better.

"What's put that sappy look on your face?" strong arms wrapped around his waist from behind and he felt a warm body press against him, breath teasing the nape of his neck. Al grinned but didn't turn, shivering in delight as he always did when he was so close to the older blond.

"I was just thinking how happy I am. If you had told me this was how it would turn out just a year ago, I would never have believed it but it's good to be able to have something to smile about again," there was a long pause as he watched the rest of the party goers starting to prepare for the real celebration that would be taking place in the front of the house, complete with sparklers and fireworks. The entire block was participating and everyone from the office as well; Hughes was telling a story to all of the children in his booming voice near the house, his wife and daughter watching on fondly while a group that included both Breda and Fury were playing a haphazard came of basket ball with a garbage can on the driveway. Ed and Roy were in the front, setting up the fireworks display and he could hear his older brother yelling at their cling-on, Randy, even from the back yard.

"You deserve it, Al. You deserve the entire world," a warm kiss was pressed to his neck and he caught Riza grinning behind her hand at them from where she was standing with a group of neighbors, making him duck his head with a small blush. Usually Havoc didn't get all that sentimental but he treated the younger man like he was worth more than the sun and Al loved him deeply. That, too, had been a battle he'd had to fight but all the heartache and the doubt had been completely worth it.

That was a story for another time, though.

The strong embrace disappeared but the older man only moved to stand beside the taller blond, slipping his hand into Al's with a sideways grin that never failed to make Al's heart skip. "Come on, we can't let the others have all the fun," and he tugged at the younger man, turning towards where the rest of the guests were.

"Yeah," he said and followed.

~*~

The night was quiet, finally, the sounds of the parties taking place all over the neighborhood quenched with the late hour. Though, he should probably say early as the sun would be rising in about an hour. Yet he continued to lay there in the silence of his bedroom and listened to Ed's soft, steady breathing. No, he thought with a smile, _their_ bedroom.

Not long after they had charged Wells and put him away, Ed and his brother had disappeared for about a few weeks without a word, telling no one where they had gone and when Roy saw them again, they had found the means to get their true bodies back. During that time, all hell had broken loose, an all out battle with the Serpents mafia gang who had entrenched themselves deep into the social structure of Central and had proven nearly impossible to eradicate. There had been a lot of fatalities, as it seemed they had recruited a lot of people like Wells, using their alchemy against the military and innocent civilians alike, not caring who got hurt. The conflict was nearly under control now and there were a lot of people waiting to be put on trial so they could be put away. And when the two Elric brothers had returned, in their rightful bodies, they had thrown themselves into the fray and proved to be indispensible.

The Colonel glanced down and studied the form of his young lover sprawled across his chest, long hair spread out like a silken fan against his pale skin. Those few weeks with no word from the younger alchemist had been nerve-wracking to the point he could barely focus, thinking the boy had once again been swept away by some unknown evil. Every day that he woke up to find Ed still asleep beside him something in his chest would loosen, as if he was still afraid he would open his eyes and find the younger man's return had all been a dream.

The blond huffed in his sleep, hot breath tickling the Colonel's skin and he shifted so that his right arm draped over the older man's stomach before he settled again. Roy smiled to himself and reached out so he could run his fingers over the warm, very real flesh of the younger alchemist's forearm. He would never get tired of just touching him, finding himself entranced by the limbs that had once been crafted from automail but were now so _real_. They both had to get up for work in several hours and he knew he would be a zombie if he didn't shut his eyes now but he didn't, not yet. He continued to admire the beautiful young man he had fallen in love with, his heart calm and completely at peace.

No matter what found them in the single life they had been given, he knew it would be alright as long as he had Ed beside him. If that was not to be, then they would find each other in the next.

The sky was already beginning to turn a stark, cold silver by the time he slipped into a peaceful slumber and the smile stayed on his face until the alarm clock announced the start of anther day…

_**...End

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Until next time, *hugs* for all of my wonderful readers and to you, malfoysdaughter, whom I adore with all my heart...


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